longing for pink

My mind is a bathtub
Quickly fill up
Momentarily do not look
then clean up the Chaos
she has spilled herself Again
a pity that her surroundings
were Completely unadjusted and
She does not think anymore before doing
she Surrenders

your thought

Now the sea is deepening
so Are my thoughts
i was hoping for a quick recovery but
have to accept
i cannot cope with this

some wound

Please let the neighbourhood know
Again what kind of child
lives among Shells and skeletons
near an imaginary Beach
where another sea waves to itself
and calls For her mother

Strange friend, past, present, and to be;
Loved deeplier, darklier understood;
Behold I dream a dream of good;
And mingle all the world with thee;

THAT NIGHT WAS
A FRAIL ANIMAL
LIGHT BULB IN THE BACK OF HER HEAD
A LITTLE SQUEAMISH
AND IN THE PROCESS OF FALLING

ALWAYS THE FALLING
SHE ALLOWS THE RED FLAMES TO LICK HER
AND NEVER GETTING UP ON TIME
SHE SQUEEZES A TUBE OF PAINT
AND COMMENCES HER RITUAL

BLACK ANTS OCCUPY THE KITCHEN
WITH WHICH SHE FILLS HER STOMACH
SOMEONE WANTS TO COME IN
TAKE HER ARMS SOME PLACE HIGH AND DRY
THEY WERE PAINTED RED FIVE THICK COATS

1.black lipstick
2.see-through dress
3.rosemary, strand
4.tap water+tired eyes
6.pain, stomach

i will just do my evening walk
it has become kind of a routine
every time something releases itself
from my city-clogged skin
it wants to be free
and is soluble i can see
it drifting in the air
i wonder what i am losing

THERE STILL IS NOTHING GUILTY
TO BE SAID ABOUT YOU
BITE ME HARDER THEN
THERE ARE TWO MOONS TUMBLING
I AM ALWAYS TOO MUCH
I RETURN TO THE FROZEN LAKE
BEFORE WHICH I LEARNT TO BE LIKE A PAINTING
AND EVERYTHING IS QUIET
HERE IT IS AGAIN
THE NIGHT IS OVERWHELMING
LET US TEAR IT APART IN UNISON
OTHERWISE WE WILL DROWN

surely i am the Moon Queen
surely my back itched
how did you expect me not to be
my long paragraphs about my
desire for water were not only witness to a great
desire in me they also understood that i need to dip my fingers
how my back ached wishing it could press tighter against my heart
i need warm bare flesh
another form of protection

surely my desire to change the past cannot move backwards
it bounces back into my chest and mind and hits and hits
we are two swans
elegant and defending another fort both widowed
black swans
that might have been the reason why

surely when the fire dies it still
is ardent among the ashes
for a long time

mathematics state that the line in the middle of my chest
is a border

where blood passes over to purple
where i pass over to you (some thoughts)

i sort myself out trash myself another me
wants control
another me screams something about shells
that i should put them over my ear shells i should
never listen to your paper voice (is it weak)
never listen to gravity it proves i cannot ever fall harder or
faster or with more impact still i feel more impact
something has changed and no branch of science has the means to prove it i am standing alone with my feelings

i pass the border in myself then
split myself into two halves

someone that still longs for absurdity
someone else that has long sharp fingers
ticks on the table counter until multiple punctured holes manifest
present my patience dissolved

i am punctured
my brain counter top leaks through my ear shells into the leaves of grass where i sit present
and am writing that you mop through my thoughts
please do not aggravate the mess

show me you can be split in half (double identity)
luminous today
******* scraps of me tomorrow
and kissing and kissing and kissing

it's enough to just guard the frail
borders of our relationship
it's a dress spread out i'm sewing
even before it's falling apart
because i feel like it
the fabric is soft and smells like you
i want to sleep in it

for three weeks i have been inarticulate

i woke up all solidified and my eyes strong
fixated on Matthyon you are grotesque dream
alike rosé cheeks the sour cream kind
dusted with finger prints we parade
in cities sick in dust cities in
parchment we remain fragile
they get fingered

i had to ask for Matthyon's
name your spelt-out request you
came to me held a finger up for
every letter carefully, mysteriously
my new alphabet

Matthyon we fought each other for bread
in white rooms i dusted my cheeks with
yeast; saw you bore the mark
drawn on pages the male curiosity in dust
makes me cough
the pride i have slumbers

you waved and smiled with rosé fever
Matthyon alluding to how my dreams may express feelings and love
how the question was cut out of my flesh
i want this to be well done

Matthyon the clouds do not often agree on the psyche of the human being
untransparant down there
it slips through their fingers; blood stains appear in the sky
on those evenings only

and i'm finding part of it
in the pages of parchment bibles
make me dust off my puffed
embarrassed cheekbones
i look up
i split meat from bone
i want this to be well done