i woke up all solidified and my eyes strong
fixated on Matthyon you are grotesque dream
alike rosé cheeks the sour cream kind
dusted with finger prints we parade
in cities sick in dust cities in
parchment we remain fragile
they get fingered

i had to ask for Matthyon's
name your spelt-out request you
came to me held a finger up for
every letter carefully, mysteriously
my new alphabet

Matthyon we fought each other for bread
in white rooms i dusted my cheeks with
yeast; saw you bore the mark
drawn on pages the male curiosity in dust
makes me cough
the pride i have slumbers

you waved and smiled with rosé fever
Matthyon alluding to how my dreams may express feelings and love
how the question was cut out of my flesh
i want this to be well done

Matthyon the clouds do not often agree on the psyche of the human being
untransparant down there
it slips through their fingers; blood stains appear in the sky
on those evenings only

and i'm finding part of it
in the pages of parchment bibles
make me dust off my puffed
embarrassed cheekbones
i look up
i split meat from bone
i want this to be well done

last night i broke my stone plate you brought the glue
as usual i was the one to lash out
how do you deal with that in your own home
all glueless perhaps a little cracked now

you kept showing me your hands
how they created my stone chest even
before i knew you it must be that you created
me; i just fit perfectly in your palms

you kept showing me your hands
i had to objectify; then confessed my visions
me being a stone bird (somehow weightless)
sailing over all material things
they don't appeal to me anymore
even my body seems too real too harsh
i dare to look at myself in soft focus only

in my visions i am an all-alone-stone all
surrounded by your hands
last night the bird has shed her wings to
reveal she was a bat all along
a female Dracula she bends over
***** the stone cold blood out of her self-slits

i try to wake up now and then
in my visions my body is off
way worse my scars are on my knees instead
of my wrists and it is true i have
fallen down so many times

i think about the moon on my back sizzling
how i carry it dot by dot the whole
weight how my parents should never see
what i am up to or how i do not feel
real here nor there last night i have been
envisioned; i surrender

and your hair is all in chains it
weighs you down i know
you flutter like a flag and you are red

but shall we lie down together in pink
should clear skin up
pink baby skin doll
doll pink skin baby
baby doll skin rosé
i am proud and continually laughing

you are a rose bouquet i get the complete
package
you are so
rosy so soft smelling
sensual

it's just that i was looking at everything through rose-coloured
frames calmed me down so to say
still all your red flags looked like regular flags stammering

EVERYTHING ALWAYS IS PINK to you
your lips are soft but they are not
big enough to kiss the whole world

-the female body
is the most pretty pink
the most gorgeous softness-

shall i put on your glasses
can i see everything through your eyes
before your eyes
will that be enough?

there we were
we were just like water so close
me perhaps being a bit brusque
correction: crashing unto you
you soft flowing
you still taking me in asking for a sip
we were so thirsty both of us dry
our little rain kingdom in a month
changed became a desert barren

i am sorry for wanting all different streams
me being queen oceaan
all the different streams to come out
near me i still want you near me
i am sorry for not knowing how
and i see your water running deep low foundation
warning: he has sudden currents inside

not sure if i want to swim against
still i do know about dipping the tip of my fingers
i want to hear you clattering when i sleep being safe

About leaving she wrote
I see you more clearly now
Though you spew boiling oil aimed for my lips
You spew that I should not talk in difficulties
I get it: things are like other things
You get it: you'll talk to me when it starts raining again

About remind me she wrote
If she could file herself safely
In between two maps she would
What to do with all this confusion and heartache
In love would not have to think twice
He was not in my map anyway

Do not send me away
Do not send me away
Let me at least peer through half-closed lids

you should watch me while i breathe
because at night i don't
at night i try not to think about
too much or you at night
i look down obey myself all the
lights are out
i turn within myself think about
all those shaky breaths how i try to
stop them
when the beast in me stamps
when it licks my wounds
it does that too
i prefer to be alone at least a part of the night
it wasn't like this before
but all the waves tired me
i want to close my eyes in cool
softly running tap water

whether the shells of the earth
yawn and lay down their arms over-through-around
each other i do not know
or the connectedness
all the houses all lit up
and the network stretches all
over the earth's shells
i do know myself in shells
myself though fully wired
on the level-online most
of the time
i sense a disconnection in
myself never fully satisfied
spacing between breaths eyes all tones of brown hair
(why do they all have brown hair?)
clicking my tongue in mouths
left on read entering reality in a manic-hyper-way type of way
often i do not know what of
myself is real beats away
for whom lowered tired legs on bed frames
from walking days lays down in company

i think i got pleasured today
though i'm not too sure
all the days are blending into
multitudes-lists; detailed studies of
colours jump-cuts freeze-frames
names of people whose lives i
should know about
and their works

i'm pretty sure i smoked today
and i will do it again
fulfil myself
as an existentialist
for her it is about laying down on the ground
but the meaning is different to me
i must take off and be free