I'm too tired to remember
just how sad I am.
And I'm too ******* sad
to fall asleep.

I smoked five cigarettes
before I left my bed this morning.
I brewed a *** of coffee
and I turned on the TV.

I don't need friends
I've got myself.
But god I wish
I was someone else.

And they say
there's strength in pain,
but I'd rather not
feel this way.

'Cause it don't take much strength
to **** every day away.
And that's all I want to do
anyways.

Glorify me
I know the names and stars
Of seven constellations
In the winter sky

Worship me
I'm too stubborn to be a sub
And too lazy to be a dom
But I'll lay on the bed
And let you play with my ****

Idolize me
I'm dark and quiet
But sometimes I forget
To let other people talk

Conceptualize me
I'm plastic and shrapnel
And my tears fit well into vials
That could sell for maybe three dollars
From a gas station counter top
Between the lighters
Fidget spinners
And smartphone chargers

I wandered blackout drunk lost
trading cigarettes for directions
from crustpunks who took swigs
from bottles of cheap plasticsugar alcohol

Muttering to myself in selfdefense
sublimating the toxic fire in my eyes
into soundwave echoes
bouncing off of plywood windows
and abandoned stolen cars

Angry limping at breakleg pace
down the heroinblessed streets
of yet another vibrant American slum.

Your polycystic heart bleeds through the dim lit window
of a low-income apartment building
just a few blocks away.

I sit alone on the bathroom floor and
it takes me **** near twenty minutes to take apart the razor blade.
You have to take care not to pry too hard,
otherwise the blades will cut up your fingers.

And no, that irony is not lost on me.

I hate the suburbs
Because of the yuppies.
I hate the ghetto
Because of the anxiety.
I hate the country
Because of the lonely.

I hate trucks
Because of the waste.
I hate mirrors
Because of my face.
I hate food
Because of the taste.

I hate love
Because of the exposure.
I hate ***
Because then it's over.
I hate goodbyes
Because of the closure.

I hate talking
Because of my voice.
I hate my body
Because of its poise.
I hate living
Because I have no choice.

??????

everyone's got a suggestion
everyone has a solution
but nothing helps me sleep at night
and nothing takes my pain away