These songs
  *These poems
    These words
       These odes

I once believed
They made me a hopeless romantic,
But now I feel like a vicious predator
How they bite
with sharp venomous teeth
Instead of caress
With warm soft hands.

These wouldnt happen to be
  your black *******, would they?

This problematic persistence
may be my downfall
but at least I faced reluctance
instead of not at all. . .

I should have wrote that down
before I went about my day
If I try and rewrite it now
never will it sound the same

At times
I think to myself
that I would give anything
just to talk to you
one more time
but then I realize
I already said
everything
I wanted to say
and at that point
I would just be repeating myself
So maybe
its really not the words
I wish to reaffirm
Its the memories
that I only wish to recreate
in my present.
Either way,
there is nothing left
for me to regret
except
my punctured pride
which I already swallowed
So many moons ago

When I die
  the angel will probably have your face.

They say my head is in the clouds
But I'm really not so sure
I feel I lost it long ago
And how remains a blur
My heart is in my throat
My stomach in my feet
While I may not be complete
I still have parts of Me.

The sands of time S
                                p
                             i
                               r
                           a
                       L    
down
   and I still have to find so many puzzle pieces
too many enigmas to ponder
  lines to connect
words to circle
differences in the pictures to point out
in order to not feel so completely incomplete. . .

  so many more wounds to obtain
from such a large heart I have yet to fill

I don't have much,
when it comes to ownership
Most of my earnings
were invested in experiences
Instead of possessions
Most of my time
Was spent on building a soul
Instead of a collection of objects
I honed my skills on creation
Instead of consumption
My concerns lie with
personal contribution
Over financial status
My allegiance is to brutal honesty
Opposed to comforting lies
I chose the mindset of evolution
Over stagnation
A mantra of the status quo
I have fought a life-long battle
against being jaded and apathetic
Instead of embracing it
For the acceptance of my peers
Because I chose to make a life
Instead of a living
and with everything I've lost
a little more is gained

Some men are so focused
on the act of ***
ridiculously eager to get into it
they forget to relish
the moments beforehand
and after
focused on the getting
more than the giving
Which is where
I would like to think I differ
I like to watch a woman after
as she lies there
in her lovely silhouette
glistening
gently quivering
breathing heavily
eyes closed
as if in some strange
*** coma
or spell
Sometimes a job well done
is in the confirmation
and reward
in itself
Or maybe it just makes me feel
I can look beyond
myself.

The time between laughter
is growing more distant
it's becoming harder
to force a smile
yet the tears fall so easily
I played the part of a clown
too long
too well
What love I still have to offer
goes  unwanted without return
As the years
Seem to grow shorter
Thinking the Gods must have
More hurt to offer
Considering their protection
Through this suicidal rampage
With failed attempts to drown
aquatic sorrows
Watching the vultures circle
my sun dried carcass
if there is something large enough
to fill this void
it certainly isn't within
my range of sight

After seeing you
for the first time
in a long time,
You certainly didn't hold up
as well in reality
as you did in my mind
and I don't know whether
to be saddened
or relieved. . . .
but it will
help to secede
from the memories
that have been
tearing at me
Even though
there is part of my being
wishing I didnt give in
after seeing
where I said you belong
has done to you.
Even the most elegant bird
loses her feathers
when encaged for too long
And I no longer wish
to peek through the wire.

Sorry I can't relate to you
or if my act seems see through
as the voices scream I'm destined to lose
on a path that Im told I can choose
yet the only one praised seems lead to a land of fools

how does a man covey
the truths that we evade
its like we're playing a game
we know no winners escape

I'm at a loss for words
and the more that I blurt
the more it seems absurd
contemplating what is worse
to quit this race and go unheard
or push on only to be burned
wading in a world of hurt
reducing it all to a blur

Nation, or relation,
religion or procreation
assimilates me deeper
into disassociation

maybe they taught me how to fear all the hatred
but rarely how some love and cheer can change the situation

now I'm just exhausted
waiting for the rules to change
being accosted
by those who always point the blame

reptilian brains
thats been raised
bound by chains
to anothers mission
driven insane
by the thoughts ingrained
with repetition
same old same
to envision
imposed superstitions
to be swallowed whole
polluted souls
who no longer have control
with no indication
no escape
no letting go

sickened and disgusted by your ******* cause
to raise a sense of greed
for everything
above of all

the more feelings taken from me
the more I feel like a machine
that I never wanted to be
am I too far from rescuing?

in a group of robots
who know not what they do
who will use any excuse
to continue what their used to

am I the only one who seems to see this cell?
because when I point it out I am told to go to hell

I'm starting to dream again
stopped dwelling in my sins
I quit fearing feelings I've numbed
since we first began
I stopped wondering when
accepted whats within
There is no need to feel complete
I can live on a whim

I should stop
    using the word "heart"
in my poetry

Stifled into servitude
infiltrated
*****, pillaged
consumed
The papers piper
plays their tune
Thick as thieves
they lead you to their ruse
Pay into the fuse
lighting our inevitable doom
Fictitiously facing
agitations of their separation
Believe youre free
to serve a nation
which merely is
a corporation

Never try to dull your passions
you might just succeed.

I'm not the man I used to be
who once fought diligently
its something I did not foresee

I think the fight has left me

Despite any guilty plea
this purpose lacks veracity
my cares become atrocities

I think the fight has left me

All this animosity
and endless hostility
I leave my weapon hand free

I think the fight has left me

Trying to rip out the ugly
in a beautiful fashion.

All the ugliness
between us
could be piled miles in front of me
and I would still see through it all
to what you possess
that I fell in love with,
that which you hid most. .
all those nights the emptiness left me
so long ago.

You salt the wound
you bend it back until it breaks
You just consume
despite the way that it may taste

Caught in the bloom
of creations which are not your make
You walk the plank
veiled steps towards what they say and think


Don't even blink
as we push the planet to its brink
Cohorts of war
without reason to what you wage them for

You just forsake
a sedated apathetic state
You choose to pray
to a non-responsive deity

Repeat after me
   I am free

As death nods his head reassuringly

Sometimes,
the best reason to keep going
is because everyone else
wants you to stop.
They will tell you
that your dreams are just an illusion
in fear it just may shatter theirs.

She's very much alive
But she is dead to me
The decision wasn't mine
She wanted to be
A tombstone in my mind
A grave inside my heart
A perpetual funeral
That has no end or start
There is no wreath to set
No flowers to lay
The only place that this exists
Is buried in my wake

Sick of faceless
nameless
conquests
Im driven to the point of madness
Anonymous
mistresses
give little purpose to exist
They find no way into my chest
through the roadblocks you erected
around a heart thats left neglected.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeyGAPdSo78

(copy and paste to hear it)

I wrote this poem here awhile back, made it into a song. . . not what I usually do with my band, but wanted to share it none the less. Its still kind of in demo form.


I've been in the dark for so long
I fear I'll go blind in the light
the longer that you play the fool
the less they all believe your right
I'm hanging by my final string
and even thats unraveling
collecting all the fingers aim
when you're the easy one to blame

I only try to play the game
without the rule book that they made
and as I do I'm called insane
trapped inside their judgmental gaze
just go ahead and label me
I've heard just about everything
I don't regret what it may bring
because its who I chose to be

We all shall reap
the seeds we sow
keep counting sheep
don't watch them grow

Trying to beat
this undertow
go back to sleep
you'll never know

When its sink or swim
who really wins?
Trying to tread water
as this whirlpool spins
Taking all I have
to stay afloat
gasping for air
as the waters fill my throat
Fighting on the surface
against an unseen undertow.
Im drifting towards the bottom,
up is the only way to go.

So just go ahead and watch me drown
you're the one whos holding
my head down here anyhow. . .

So just go ahead and watch me drown
it is not so bad down here
with no one else around. . .

I followed my heart
And lost my mind
With a thinly stretched soul
Stuck intertwined

I used to pride myself
On being able
To bounce back from anything
But with this
All there is
Is a sickening thud.

All those pretty little 20-somethings
with adoration in their eyes
Whom I did not have the heart to tell
its destined for demise
Can now rest assured
I got what I deserve
I found a similar
to which I fell
on empty words.

It
  would
help

if. . .

I could tell,
  these
conversations

*with. . .

Once again I subject
myself to the neglect
and the same heartache
Ive come to expect
As all my good intents
fall into worthlessness
creating this joke
at my own expense

And i already know
I have been down this road before
seeing the same signs that I once ignored
And I already know
the outcome will not change
when all my actions still remain the same.

breaking my neck for
the same outcome as before

Self saboteur

Once again I subject
myself to the neglect
and the same heartache
Ive come to expect

Once again Im subject
as I try to negate
everything inside me
that I have come to hate

As all my good intents
fall into worthlessness
creating this joke
at my own expense

Who I thought were my friends
have all came and went
memories are the only
wealth that I have left

And i already know
I have been down this road before
seeing the same signs that I once ignored
And I already know
the results will not change
when all my actions still remain the same.

breaking my neck for
the same outcome as before

What did you expect?
I'm just a self saboteur

In my younger
more passionate years
I used to care enough
to command attention
but now
all my ***** are missing to give
So I'm sorry
if I don't pack the prose
or hold all the mysticism of the universe
condensed into one quick sentence
for your small A.D.D minds to absorb
into a nice little package
that you can like
with the simple click of your mouse
but sometimes
I feel the need to ramble
and occasionally
I even enjoy
making enemies
to give meaningless
poems like these
a little substance
but its nearing its end
that few
probably reached the watermark
but if so
you can go
onto your next poem
or videos
of cats playing keyboards.

I've done my time
Inside my mind
and in my heart
I've come to find
The way to unlock
These cell doors
Is with what's mine
not what's yours

My Spongebob Squarepants boxers
Scrunch up the sides of my legs
And the ***-*** hole won't close
So my junk rubs my zipper
But I can't bring myself to throw them out.

check out my band, were a Hard Rock act out of Detroit.

http://www.reverbnation.com/negfed

also. . you can pick up my poetry book on amazon today!!

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Afire-Collected-Poems-Volume/dp/1478100206/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid;=1371731207&sr;=8-1&keywords;=mind+afire

thanks for stopping by!

I really need to tie one on
so you should buy my book
Mind Afire, on Amazon
go and take a look.

So I deleted the conversation
and
  just
kept
  on
drinking

Thats how I sometimes feel
when I put so much work
into a certain poem
that goes unnoticed
while a ten word
I thought up and wrote in minutes
trends.

I feel I'm getting smaller
and one day I'll disappear.

Many things change
But I'm still the same
Here I remain
Compounding the pain
Maybe someday
It will go away
If I would refrain
From calling your name.

I may be an introvert
but I am not a loner
I have just been disappointed
by too many humans
time and time again
that when any positive emotion
or vibe is obtained
by the company of another
warning sirens
scream in the back of my head
making every mental
and physical scar
ache once again

You are no beauty queen to me
i see the colors that the others do not see
You'd like to think that you're unique
but there are other fish just like you in the sea

Its only skin deep

Aphrodite high and mighty
sitting on her throne
thinking that she holds the rights
to any love I own
everything that you invest
goes into vanity
unknowing that most beauty
is a fading commodity

You are no beauty queen to me
I see the colors that the others do not see
with your vanity and conceit
you will never be complete

Its only skin deep.

I am no more afraid of dying
   than I was afraid of never being born
in this universal symphony
   I am just an underscore
these notes are falling flat
   the pitch is sounding off
Im softening the volume
   of this forgotten song

Those awake
and those asleep
at battle with conflicting dreams

Taking necessities from many
to provide
luxuries
for the few

Letting the vultures pick my bones
For all the love I have disowned
There's no Embrace which I call home
I am more comfortable alone

For all the times that I have tried
To nurse something destined to die
A life derived by hearts of stone
I guess I'm better off alone

Emotions I will not deny
only to wind up crucified
the gray areas I roam
is probably why I am alone

Here I go again
giving another spin
a hotel room
a messy bed
empty bottle of gin
We laugh and lie
I stroke her thighs
and meet the eyes
colored a shade of why
but I must confess
shes caressing a carcass
twisted by his sins
even in such times
in know in my mind
where my soul would rather have been