Sometimes the gods let you live
to know there are fates worse than death
I never feared losing my mind
but what was once held in my heart
is another story.

You work on being a posession,
   I seek a companion.

I read back my tales of sadness
and smile on them now
Less focused on the madness
I carried on my brow
I've lived
I've loved
I've lost
I've died
I've been both low and high
reflecting on those days and nights
I've never been more alive.

I fell in love
a thousand times
as your light shines
within my eyes.
but I must imply
of its demise
heartache arises
as you pass me by

We got used to the ending,
that was never started.

My love wasnt good enough
and yours was nothing but a bluff
I gave my all just to be snuffed
by hands I gave my heart and trust
To think that it was only lust
leaves me in a state of disgust
Wasted time I cant retract
to repair what I have lacked
Determining fiction from fact
in a past I can not have back
How silly of me to believe
and not see that I was deceived
Although it comes as a relief
that Im free from this fallacy
I wanted so much more from her
than just yet another number
No longer will I be concerned
with waiting for another turn
I hope one day you feel the burn
of giving such without return

Just remember
everyone loves conflict
in one way or another

Growing weak
getting weary
why even speak
when you dont hear me?
Sick of secrets
tired of lies
exhausted by unanswered whys
continuously sacrifice
only to be empty inside.

Hurting myself
just to see if it helps
because there is nothing else
The gears have stopped turning
the passion stopped burning
its beyond my discerning
Every decision
fuels the addiction
of my own self affliction
I've loosened my grip
on everything I wished
in this ignorant bliss

Shes Younger
just as gorgeous if not more
almost as smart
She definitely has more self respect
her gaze holds more warmth
and possesses a madness
that attracts to the polarity of my crazy magnet
but yet I still
find myself making these comparisons
to you.

I can only
slowly tear myself to pieces
in attempts to be rid of
what has been imprinted
onto my soul
etched into my bones
as it mingles with my blood flow
I poke my fingers
through the hole in my rib cage
ripping out the mangled fragments
one tiny bit at a time
until I am as empty
as I feel

Youre still fighting
for their broken promises
and you still buy into
the ancient texts they've read
You apply the enemies that they present
for you cant see
it is yourself who is the threat

Come place your bets
to chase whos most threatened

You consume their *******
without hesitance
Dooming your heirs
pushing them into your debts
You can choose
to reject these offenses
you can look to
a better future

With no regrets

You are the threat
not mending the fence
ignoring whats best

Come place your bets
to see whos most threatened

A brand new lock
in my hand the key
No longer home
just leave me be
The lights are off
this abode looks empty

Am I a prisoner or am I free?

Picked up the welcome mat
barred the doors
got a guard dog waiting
on the living room floor
No soliciting sign
for those peddling ******

opportunity wont be knocking
for you anymore.

I have a one track mind
and its in the gutter
With whiskey breath
and a bit of a stutter
I type at a desk
where the beer bottles clutter
the scattered ashes
spins and dashes
in the winds of the summer
Theres a stain on my bed spread
from the girl last week
I should probably wash it
its where I rest my cheek
I dont own much
but amps and guitars
with a whole lot of memories, debris, and scars
and wouldn't trade one bit
to become who you are.

Being the kind of girl
that can get anything she wants
I would already have known
  if you truly wanted me.
and if that had been the case
I would already be.
yet here we are
after all these years
a cyclical tragedy

I have been defeated
by what I thought was true
but instead of feeling cheated
With playing by your rules

I can escape your same old game
and win one that is new
By living this just for me
Instead of all for you.

Every time
you unleash your monster
I do as well.

I wish I could have kept that childhood wonder
where every day was something new
scary and exciting
unfolding journeys to behold
growing into eerie feelings and emotions
that weren't there before
but then adulthood comes
with responsibilities
and they smash you over the head with redundancy
shackle you with currency.
and we are abruptly awakened from all those dreams.