She is lovely
and self admittedly
a little too crazy over me
many men
would probably see it as a trophy
being with such a creature
over a decade younger
they give me the nod and wink
for my conquest
but I just dont see as they do
and I am far too reluctant
to back track into my past
and re-obtain all the broken pieces
of my shattered heart
to give her the full love she deserves

I've drawn a blank again
perhaps its happiness
or maybe I'm just foolish
loneliness shadowed in bliss

That dug beneath my skin
itching to get out
words wither in its drought
awaiting the angst, hurt and doubt

for something to write about

I had it all at one point
then lost it all the next
I must admit it humbled me
with what to expect
but if you expect nothing
nothing is what you'll get
and I will confess given the chance
I'd do it all again

Resentment of intelligence
as it goes to ****
Resentment of intelligence
obsessively oblivious
Resentment of intelligence
rely upon obedience
Resentment of intelligence
blind eye on what you wish
Resentment of intelligence
death march into the crypt
Resentment of intelligence
as the end creeps sure and swift

and good titles with bad poetry. . . .

I will forever love you
in heart and mind
Wishing I could rocket both
into the sky
and beyond the stars
exploding into cosmic dust
and drift forever through the cosmos
carrying the message
in all directions
for eternity

even if it meant my life
    some things are worth such sacrifice.

I think we should be clear
that we were engineered
to be something when unified
even the gods tremble in fear
look upon your shackles
look upon your patch
which labels you with what to do
and ignore all these facts.

Sometimes,
the best reason to keep going
is because everyone else
wants you to stop.
They will tell you
that your dreams are just an illusion
in fear it just may shatter theirs.

I think it was the Greeks
who believed man and woman
were once one being
so the gods split them
fearing our power,
to forever seek our other half.


its a beautiful notion.

I thought that I was cold
that these emotions didn't show
I thought no one could get to me
so little did I know

I thought that I was heartless
until I was shown what that meant
now I cant disregard this
its existence is evident

What value is a love
that doesn't sustain the intensity
to drive one stark raving mad?
What is such good worth
that remains to see
without contrast of bad?

I accept my fate
lying here in wait
brimming with the hate
in knowing I'm too late
an apathetic state
grows at an alarming rate
as I try to tell myself
its all just a mistake

Anything
and
everything
is still
not enough
for some people

They will never be good enough
my hand will never translate
what my heart and soul wants to say
there is always something missing
there is always too many words
or too little
as I toil over an empty canvas
and all I can do
is keep writing
until I find it.

This world
   sure has its ways of beating you down
but as long as I get up
     I find beauty in every step
of the sound of snow beneath my feet
      the feel of rain upon my skin
every sunbeam that shone in my eyes.
the sweet smell of victory
  and even the bitter taste of defeat

I dont want to be the dog
   who returns home
after a few days
   realizing how good he had it there
I want to roam the unknown
   beyond the domesticated shelter
live or die
   there are more experiences to be had
than what this shackled society has to offer. . .
       obedience nor allegiance
holds no reward for the likes of I

after all
  I wish not the mindset of a housebroken animal
unlike some humans.

This thick skin
has grown heavy to carry
I am not equipped
to act as Im uncaring

I long for the warmth
my fiery passions once provided
as my heart grows cold
and my outlook one sided

I **** at the smoldering coals
trying to rekindle a flame
in my soul
any flame. . .

of which I could not tame

It was a long fought battle
and I accept I lost
but the hardest thing to fathom
is the part of me it cost
I would have gave it gladly
a casualty of war
but now I see its sadly
just not worth fighting for
I flew this flag for love
but now its a white banner
my resolve left snubbed
because its not what I'm after.

It was more detrimental
than it was beneficial
if it went the other way
I may have kept my hold
but I lost control
it corrupted my soul
letting go of being sold
to the tall tales that were told

I can only feign acceptance
of a heart that was handled reckless
All thats left is to pretend
I wouldnt put it in your hands again.
As I tell myself I do not care
about what is no longer there.

Theres not a day that passes
where it does not cross my mind
Its you that I envision
wishing that love was blind
but it isnt so in my case
I look but can not find
a new way to replace
where I invested my time.

Even the poorest man
can treat a woman like gold.

at first I didnt really like or buy into the trend of 10w poetry, but now I kinda like the constraints, it gives the words power when they are done right in my opinion. Considering I usually find it best to say as much as you can with little as possible.

It didnt take an angel
to subdue my inner demons.

Once again I subject
myself to the neglect
and the same heartache
Ive come to expect

Once again Im subject
as I try to negate
everything inside me
that I have come to hate

As all my good intents
fall into worthlessness
creating this joke
at my own expense

Who I thought were my friends
have all came and went
memories are the only
wealth that I have left

And i already know
I have been down this road before
seeing the same signs that I once ignored
And I already know
the results will not change
when all my actions still remain the same.

breaking my neck for
the same outcome as before

What did you expect?
I'm just a self saboteur

They want me to open up
they say I must not care
When I pry and share what is inside
they take everything thats there

Sorry Im not possessive
jealous and overbearing
Sorry these transgressions
would make you think such a thing

If these are the men youre used to
I can not play the part
I see through right to the truth
in whats left of my heart

None of which is love
your perceptions are skewed
you lost me in the rear view
I am still on the move

Its all part of a game
that I can no longer play
I no longer have the pieces
stolen along the way.

Await anothers chase
  Im abandoning this race.
I will not be laid to waste
  by just a pretty face.

It seems the stars are melting
from the twinkle in your eye
souls with empty homes
sea shells on the shore
the poison well run dry
the bond that bore worn thin
petals torn from the stems
born within shared sins
which remain unspoken
ships sailed past horizons near
as the port disappears
reflecting in icy mirrors
that may finally be broken

The guy friends like to tease me
because I like to secretly romance
the young souls that need and deserve it.

"Ohh, you gonna read her a poem and cuddle?"

They razz at me. . .

"You bought her flowers?!?"

*****. . .

Yes I will, and yes, yes I did.

These are the same men who probably never saw
that special sparkle in a womans eye
that they all posses
and if you are not careful.
It just might burn right through you.

Its a phantom in my conscience
that haunts my evenings often
but is gone when the sun arises
where the tortures remain constant

I am not what you see
these were not my dreams
a cartoon buffoon for you
to point and laugh with glee

This isnt why I did this
I didnt know the expense
I put my heart for all to see
to verify my existence

Trying to exorcise my insides
by the tears that I cry
but it doesnt wash away
the pain within my mind

When most of these people
only see me for my alter ego
they want the struggling of my soul searching
to always remain feeble

So sorry Im untrusting
all I wanted was a friend
yet again when I have nothing
theyre all gone with the wind

Hollow another bottle
heres another *****
be our joker of sorrow
expose your madness some more

Youre here for our amusement
you have a gift so use it
split your personality
give us the one that self abuses

Why are you so quiet?
its not the Jeremy that I know
isnt it time to riot?
where is your red nose?

I am just
swimming against
the current
of the abyss

Many live to love
but love is killing me
I can not seem to fill the hole
where my heart used to be
I wish I was oblivious
from knowing it exists
as i did once before
all those little trysts
My eyes gazed upon beauty
and all its majesty
now I can not seem
to focus past the ugly
I can only plea
for naivete
Not even time can free my mind
from all of its bindings.

My
ideal
heaven
would be
every moment
spent with you.

You can try to fix me
but youll only hurt yourself
I advise you not to
attempt arranging the pieces
your hands are not nimble enough
to avoid being cut
by the sharp broken fragments

I swim in cursive
across a page
then I get converted
into the digital age

Ones and zeros
across the screen
an anti-hero
seeking truth beyond his means

Welcome to the cerebellum
of Jeremy Bean

I speak of darkness
and I am far from subtle
but I leave bread crumbs
that lead to the light at the end of the tunnel

and a trail of blood
that strays the other way
which direction you choose
makes no difference to me

These are just my thoughts
you can keep your pennies
its exploration of self
and that is fortune a plenty.

Some of us
only learn of true love
by the eternal lingering it presents
after we have lost it.

I fought so hard just to hold on
and now I strain at letting go
my mind wont budge against the pull
of my heart at the end of the rope

Its so hard to let go
when its so easy to remember
as I watch other fragmented memories
numerous as grains of sand
shimmering on the shore
getting buried by the tides
of new thoughts
seeking beauty in its destruction
but the fires have died
and my eyes
never really have adjusted to the darkness

Referred to as a coin toss
Would they really know the cost?
Saying better to have loved and lost
than not to have at all
I don't know which is worse
or which would cause more hurt
to never have known of such love
or lose it to an endless search

Everybody
deep down
carries that pain
of uncertainty
knowing humanity
could be so much more
than what we are.

I took my life line
and tangled it up
into a knotted ball
spiked with shards
of broken reflections
of my past
and I swing it around
over my head
like a weapon
just trying to make a dent
or a mark
upon this thing we call life.

I am twisting
and contorting
changing form
What you'd call a monster

Disconnected
and detached
and debauched
human impostor

I am damaged
I am tainted
don't try to change it
you'll be devoured

I'm reshaping
and negating
the hands still helping
this world we're creating

Not losing hold
I am letting go
the lies we have been told
since so long ago.

I sit here at the bottom
and yet no one knows
Who is to reach down?
Am I afraid
or ashamed?
I don't want your help
too proud
and hard headed
to save me from myself
focusing my energy
on what is inferior
instead on every single thing
that makes life superior
I can act
I can laugh
and in fact be that man
you only see that half
as I stand unabashed
Refusing to change
but I want to evolve
Let me do it my way
with my own resolve
as society steps backwards
towards Neanderthals
I wish to destroy this
I wish it to fall
I don't want compromise
to be the way this is solved.

Look no further
than the rings under my eyes
the grey hairs protruding from my head
the wrinkly working mans hands
the dirt from factory work
that collects in my pores and nails
the many physical and emotional scars I bear
the eloquent portrayal of myself
that I manage to express
in such a silly clumsy manner
my cynical nature
how being an *******
draws my closest friends.
the hollow chest
the distant stare
the pain in my words.
shows I've obviously aged myself beyond my years

like a tree, cut me down and count the rings.

funny how shaving still gets me carded for cigarettes occasionally.

At least I have that I guess.

So, as some of you who have followed me for quite some time here may know. I have a book of poetry available for purchase. If any of you have enjoyed my poetry thus far. Maybe you might like the collection of my early works. So go check it out! You can find it on Amazon under the title Mind Afire by Jeremy Bean.

If any of you wish to go the route of contacting me personally, I will send you a signed copy for the same price. I know that isnt much, but I would rather deal with the interaction and transaction personally than have Amazon pocket all the money.

I also want to thank all of you who have read, followed, and liked what I do here. Hello Poetry is surely my favorite avenue of expression when it comes to poetry, and trust me. . I have tried many. I love the community, and hope to see you guys more in the future!

Thank you all!

My clasped hands were unseen
and my prayers went unheard
I tried so hard to believe
in its contradicting words

So many await the touch of god
that so often fails to reach them
so we buy into the facade
and accept its requiem

Substituting the divine
with the fabrications of man
wasting precious time
just trying to understand

Is it god who is invisible. . .
  or is it I?

I finally realize
it is not you I seek
I wanted who you used to be
before you sat comfortably
with the wings he clipped
in the cage he keeps.
Do not sing,
not a peep
rest there in your sullen sleep.

If you're staring down the barrel
choose to look away
turn and face your perils
and there may be better days.

Sometimes the gods let you live
to know there are fates worse than death
I never feared losing my mind
but what was once held in my heart
is another story.

It still remains the same
the game hasn't changed
and I am just as good at it
as I used to be
but the winnings mean nothing to me
and I no longer wish to play.

My sight was veiled by love
although I saw the truth
I closed my eyes to the signs
just as I always do

I turned a deaf ear
to the warnings they conveyed
not wanting to hear
of all the hearts slayed in your wake

and if they ask me why
I  still chose to pursue
I can only reply
that I saw so much more in you

Crumpled retrospect
clutters at my desk
I cant seem to aquire the words
to rightfully express
the pain within my chest
or confusion in my mind
Maybe I'll find it this time. . .

If I just write one more line.

I know that I'm not all there
scattered pieces everywhere
I had to let parts of me die
just so others could survive
joy, pain, angst and rage
are just shards of the puzzle
I have to learn to turn the page
to break free from those struggles

doing so time after time
has taught me not to try
investing  in attempts to find
whats not worth sacrifice.

I'm finally convinced
that I must be a Martian
this lonely existence
I just don't seem to fit in
anywhere with anyone
as my human heart still splits
They're all so well versed in uncaring
Why should I give a ****?
but hurt is all I have worth sharing
I feel like giving in
than living and nearing
being just like them.