There are things about me,
Things that I do.
That makes me hate myself,
when I talk to you.

See you remind me,
That I could get clean.
But addiction is so strong,
When it's methamphetamine.

It's not like any other,
I've done lots of drugs before.
But this stuff is toxic,
I hate it but need more.

Can you even imagine,
What it's like for me?
Hating it every moment,
And wishing to be clean.

Every time I take a hit,
It nearly brings me to tears.
I know it is the reason,
I've missed Lily's first 2 years.

Can I even stop using it?
Want to but don't know I can.
Years of pain I've been numbing,
I just don't understand.

Like every waking moment,
Of my life is nothing but ****.
So as I sit there thinking all this,
I exhale and take one more hit...

He had promised her the world,
When first they had met.
Fast forward about 4 years,
All she's been given was regret.
Trust and loyalty broken,
To many times to count,
She Gave him all her love,
And he just threw it out.
Never did he ever care for her,
She finally realized,
Every word he spoke to her,
Each of them all lies.
Nothing but abuse he gave,
The only tangible gift.
All she ever wanted,
Was to just be only his.
And still he always would cheat and lie,
and when faced with the proof,
he just denied.
So you see her time it's wasted,
But she won't give up yet.
Because shes stuck there waiting,
For the man she met to come back...

Rose's with thorns waiting to draw blood,
a heartbroken girl who thought she had been loved.
The inky blackness of skies on a moonless night,
finding comfort in the darkness she always hid from the light.
A shadow of a doubt that's caused by the knowledge,
and all of her thoughts about everything he did.
Slowly the wounds in her heart started to ache,
still, the only person she wanted had caused her this pain.
Chance after chance and forgiveness she tried that,
now cold and defeated in the dark is where she sat.
The shadow keeps growing she can not escape it,
but in her denial, she refuses to face this.
Wishing she knew what her next move should be,
stay wrapped in his torment or be abandoned but free?

This isn't what you promised me,
what you said it would be like.
This is a constant uphill battle,
and still, you win every time.
You said you'd make me happy,
that's the impression that you gave.
Instead, you only ruined my life,
you had my kids taken away.
And still, you won't leave me alone,
please just get out of my life.
To those who said I'd regret it all,
well it turns out you were right.
Drowning now in "what could've been's"
ruminating on my regrets.
I wish I'd never met you,
so yeah......
F... you Crystal ****.

Why do we keep doing this?
I think it's time that I gave up.
I really truly do love you,
but it seems you don't give a f....
If you don't want to stay,
well then maybe you should leave.
Because with each betrayal,
"I love you" gets harder to believe.
And no that's not what I want for us,
but I won't sit watch you cheat.
So if you're not able,
to be honest with me,
then I think it's best if you leave.
The ominous and growing feeling,
I have deep in my chest.
Says that us together
probably isn't for the best.
There are things I don't understand,
like what is it that's wrong with me?
cuz you wouldn't want to f..... everyone else,
if I was "so ****"
And maybe you'd want to spend your time,
with me instead of just them.
If I still wore a smile all the time,
as I did way back then.
What I need you to understand is,
I didn't make that smile fade.
What stopped me from being happy,
was the choices you chose to make.
And maybe if you were sorry,
and never did it again,
then I'd be more comfortable
and could trust you once again.
But trust was broken so many times,
probably way too many.
I don't know if the trust is still possible,
I don't believe you deserve any.
Everyone has patterns,
of behaviour that they do.
Yours seems to be lying to me,
and mine sadly is loving you.

At first I thought I'd miss you,
after I went away.
But then I realized the truth,
you already avoid me everyday.
So I don't need to worry,
about without you what I'll do.
Because you've already taught me,
how it is living without you.
At first I thought you would miss me,
when you couldn't hold me to you.
But then I figured out the facts,
you don't need me cuz you have you.

I feel that all the weight,
of the earth is just on me.
I have no one to help bear the load,
and this weight is crushing me.
I can see a future though,
where I might be alright.
It's gonna take a lot of work,
all my effort day and night.
Truly everything I want,
for my life, I can attain.
If I can just set my mind,
to not use m* again.
It's harder than I thought it'd be,
to kick this nasty habit.
But if you truly want something,
then work hard and you can have it.