Life, difficult at times
Most of my poems rhyme

Today a little off track
Thinking, a crossroad ahead
Know I have friends that have my back
Yet, some things are difficult, can’t believe all that is said

I need to do what’s right, but so many choices, so much to ascertain
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
A poem, one kept within, one I always entertain
Stuck, thinking, contemplating, go, stay, I could

I could, can make my way
Yet tomorrow is a new day

Not figuring it all out right now or maybe never
Life, relationships, friends I am lucky to have many forever

Listening to those that support and care
Those are the friends I endear
Hold them as family, since I am away
Thinking of Someday

Someday, Someday… probably never occurs
But my today’s are often great, that is for sure

Alone

We never want to admit we are solo
We establish bonds and make friends
Yet, truth is, we’re ships at sea, navigating, what do we know
Our bonds, our connections end

I need, I want to see
See importance in front of me

What is it that we strive for, desire
Years pass and I tire

Happy, a place I do not know
Relevance, put it in place
Weakness, need, I can’t show
Decisions made, it’s a disgrace

Where to turn, where to go
I
Do
Not
Know

Drifting and drifting so far offshore
My being is solo, empty to my core
Why now, why, is this all there is I see
Please tell me, please convince me, who am I to be
If not, I chose to leave you here
And search and seek for what I hold dear
I may be gone, it’s past your time
Yet if we have shared, you will always be mine

Awhile

So life it seems never pans out
Expectations fall short and there is doubt
What to do, decisions appear, what now
Be thankful they say, but thankful for what, how

How does one move on from the past
Find something true and that will last
Never worthy of love that is me
I haven’t ever been truly able to see

See the things that matter most
Afflicted with a state, unable to sustain, not yet diagnosed
With a yearning to find a quality life
I stay mired, stay solo, wallowing in strife

I could change it, I could learn
Yet I have a pain that still burns
Unknowingly I travel the roads, looking for something I do not know
Someday, yeah someday, I am hopeful, my destiny will show

Birth-day

Strange it seems to me, we celebrate our day
As we age it’s a step closer to the end
I tend to reflect and find my way
Think, recall, am I on my way, where I intend

Be cognizant of your place in this existence
Are you making a difference are you making a mark
If not, use the time you have left to not pose resistance
Be a shining light don’t go dark

It’s taken some time to learn
We forge only one road and there is no going back
Don’t end up regretting, that wound will burn
Move forward, keep people close  and don’t react

Be strong and enjoy your day
But learn and celebrate another way

Time has been wasted, I feel ashamed
I kept you close and it was me I blamed
Blamed myself for not giving more
Blamed myself for being unavailable and more
Our distance grew over many years
I should have left sooner and shed some tears
How ironic it is that I was so self absorbed
It was your distance and lack of interest I should have observed
It makes sense now the inability to repair
You had a long term plan that you were unable to share
Pretending day by day to be on my side
But preparing for another, that you continue to hide
Simply sad is all I can say
Cloaking us as friends was part of your play
Good luck with your life I wish you the best
It’s time to stop deceiving give it a rest
She’s so sweet the people say
So sweet so sweet, go away

Calendar

So the year changes and we’re supposed to change as well
I am not certain if that is truth or a spell

Life is what it is, turning a page is a metaphor for change
Yet most of us continue the path, it’s all arranged

New year new me, not, awake and see clear
It’s simply a new year  

A calendar page that lets you know you’ve aged
Grown or not, new year is a figment of imagination, how does one gage

I like to think of life in stages
Hopefully the upcoming year will have you engage

Interact, be present and show you care
Happy life, happy friends and happy new year

Can’t

It seems like only yesterday that I left what I knew
To begin a journey, make a fresh start somewhere I would know few
I have made my way struggling at times
Yet there is comfort and peace as the sun shines
Returning “home” brings mixed emotions
Leaving that place was an elixir a potion
It has made me who I am and has brought joy
Being here again, reminds me of why
It is painful, I’ve often cried
Moving on was a decision for me
It has shown me the way, I can finally see

Challenges

Life, love, and relationships are full of trials and tribulations

Too many to list, yet we continue to exist

Finding a way, a street, a world, that will give us strength and less frustrations

See clearly who you are supposed to be, be it, don’t resist

Challenges are sure to appear

Don’t fret, don’t fail to show your resolve

There is only being, only life, without fear

See, see clear, face trouble and solve

Challenges, yeah they will come

Challenge yourself, persevere and never be undone

Circles

As I sit and reflect on this world and life
I can’t contain or ignore feelings of joy and also strife
These yearly traditions only stand to remind of time gone by
Good and bad, fun and heartbreak, I may cry
Cry because of both joy and pain
Wishing I did better but I sustain
The season of change has begun
Leaves fall, cool evenings begin, and change occurs
Fall is here, the past year is all a blur
Time to look within and like season
Prepare, reflect, and and come to reason
Life, expectations are sure to fail
Yet live to not gain, but give and you will prevail

A night alone can bring you clarity

Taking in life, watching, it shows sincerity

People are strange as “The Doors” once sang

Interesting that being solo not with the gang

We see more, see truths about others,  and us

Scary sometimes, who do we trust

Just pointing out there is no “truth”

Just people existing, doing their thing... I am no sleuth

Discovering, I have had it all wrong

The important things are now all gone

Some people pass through your life, and move on

Others, stay, are always there no matter the miles, or time gone

These are special people, ones to cherish

The friendships last through everything and it will never perish

If you lucky to have one or two of these friends

You are blessed, you will have people til the end

Having my Hull crew is the best

Don’t ever have to talk, not able see each other during the unrest

Yet, I know , and I hope they do too

Friendship is not defined, it’s fluid, but it’s true

To those who are in my life, Mass and Cali

You all are important, loved and my allies

Til the next time
Til we all can hang as a “posse”
Brothers/sisters we are entwined
Love, laughter, reminiscing, and legacy

Complicated

Well we’ve been down  the road a few times
We think we know, learn, but we are truly blind

Unknowingly, instinctively we succumb to our desires
Yet knowing what will surely transpire

We end up where we began, no passing “Go”
Sent back to the same life as we know

When will we move ahead and buy “park place and boardwalk”
Not in the cards unless a change is made, grow, and stop the talk

Hate the game, hate the rules,
But it is simply how we chose

Can’t go back, only ahead, only one direction
Don’t stray, don’t seek acceptance or perfection

Simply be true, honest and have compassion
Certainly with that, great things will happen

Complicated
Yeah life is twisted
But unravel the code
Be you, show you, and you cannot be resisted

My friend, my classmate, we lived our lives
Many years slipped by but we have survived
Now we find time to connect
It is important and something I expect
I expect to reach out and keep you near
There is a bond that I endear
I value our youth and where we are from
I am hopeful, and value the friends we’ve become
I know you needed time to get away
But, I am certain you will find your way
Just believe in, trust  the path you seek
And your life, the love you have will be complete

The pain is constant and so clear
My need for you is masking my fear
Fear of losing what could have been
For a chance at whirlwind that may be fun
My ability to love is great
It equals my ability to agitate
The  night moves closer and I am lost
I feel often what love has cost
I mask it by being fun and me
But truly I wreck everything that I see
It’s painful cuz I’ve never known
What it’s like to have a home
I like the independent Mike
But seriously what is there to like
A man who can’t give all
Isn’t a man at all

Crazy

Life at times can fulfill, can lift us up and for a few hours time stands still
Yet, those are rare times, not enough to sustain
There are warm days, with summer sun, but selfishly I prefer the rain
Cleansing my soul and lulling me to sleep
Rain, Rain never go away, I want it, something to keep

Crazy how worlds collide
Who we chose, who we confide
Crazy, yeah crazy is what we seek
To be honest, true, crazy is not for the weak

Embrace your time because it slips by
Live true and tell no lies
Crazy how a word can change
Change it’s meaning, kind of strange

So crazy is both a blessing and a curse
So just be you, things could be worse tb

Stay crazy, while you’re on this earth

I contemplate all that has transpired
Mentally exhausting, weakening, I am tired
Tired of the drama that I created
Tired, just tired of all we debated
It’s empty now, my heart that is
It’s empty now, my heart that is
Dreaming of the day I wake without you on my mind
Dreaming, dreaming of who I may find
It’s empty now, my heart that is
It’s empty now, my heart that is
Moving on is honestly hard to do
The voice inside, please, please say something new
It’s empty now, my heart that is
But not for long, promises, promises

Again! Why and when will it stop
Another life lost due to an entitled and empowered white cop

So many years of profiling and brutality
Others can’t fathom or know a black man’s reality

Daily events we others take for granted
Justice is never served, the playing field is slanted

Rights of all people should be respected
If we sit idly by, we become infected

Infected with inaction and perceived to not care
So stand with our brothers and let’s end the despair

This racism that plagues us has been eradicating “blacks” for years
It’s time to move forward, ending so many families tears

We are one people, human, same blood for sure
MLK Jr had it correct and his word endure

Yet words alone can’t change our lives
We need to stand as one so all can survive

Explore

Explore, explore, and explore some more, see past, look beyond, explore
For that is where life’s treasures are that’s for sure
Tragic is a life spent unknown
Step out, seek, never stay down
It’s near, it always is, behind a “curtain” you just need to see
Then your world will change, you will simply be
Leave no stone, don’t be alone or afraid
Live a life, be in, know that you played
Participate, and be all that is you
Time runs constantly so choose
Make a decision to not be silent or a castaway
Go forward, live, tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day

Failed

It’s difficult to realize that you may have let you child down
Life moves, we have a perspective that we build up
How couldn’t I have known, why didn’t I see, I was around
It’s very tough

I wanted to be an excellent parent but I somewhat failed
Failed to adapt, failed to learn
Time to move on and try to prevail
Show I can do better, time to turn

Turn, yeah… change a few things and hope our future improves
Time… time… sands falling, got to see clear
Time to change, make some moves
My children, they don’t know how much I need them near

Not near as in living , near as in life
Failing them is failing me
I have lived, I have advice
Experience, journey’s, I just want them to see

See a man, a father they can trust
That is a must

Passion sets me apart
My ability to love and show my heart
I care so much but won’t give it all
I fear loving too much and taking a fall
U love me back at times too much
I feel it, I want it but push it away as such
Something I want but can’t contain
I am content and independent like the rain
Rain is what I seek
Cleansing me as I weep
And now I sleep, sleep

Deep inside, it feeds my soul
It needs to come out or it takes its toll
It flows like a river after the rain
My mind, the words, are the remains
I have to release what I feel
Keeping me sane, it’s surreal
My goal is simply to share my pain
A way others can avoid, and maintain
Words flow through me, versus appear
My head on my pillow, yet it all is so clear
Destined to a life, unfulfilled
Is a prison, a world, a constant rebuild

So strange how fast the time goes
how quick you move from wiping noses
How quick you’re now faced with, a young adult, insides battling,
It opposes

Keep them safe, make a better place
First days of school, an event, a milestone
Dismissed by the child, they crave to explore, be them and alone
Moving through this life has changed over time, more them than us
I realize you have to let go, and adjust
Go forward, seek and yearn
Every parent wants their children to learn
Know that wherever you may be and the choices you’ve made
Parents have been through it, it’s a road already paved
Reach out and know you are loved, and cared for
Because we actually know what’s in store
Family and friends provide a strength for you to succeed
Remember my children your Dad is here if your ever in need

Why do I sit alone and think
My voice inside so loud and clear
In just the time it takes to blink
I quickly realize all my fears

The day is slipping quickly past
Night will arrive oh so fast
I’ll have a choice make
Life and love is at stake

Help, I seek some assistance
Waiting and wishing for it all
Difficult as it is
I need you and don’t even know you
Helpless
Helpless
No that’s not me
But it’s difficult
So hard to be sure
Sure of one thing,  I know...
I am searching for something more...

The days pass, the people come and go
Slowly we slip into our mature years
We are supposed to be chill, home, no fun, and slow
Yet, the difficulty is I have people and care


Used to say I will sleep when dead
That, mentality is stuck in my head

No regrets, or “regerts” no worries
When done no problems and no Sorry’s

Hope that when gone,
the ones I have faith in me will understand
I did my best, as a friend, son, father and a man

I don’t answer to anyone except the guy I see each morning
Don’t expect flowers, money, or things when people are mourning

Celebrate, I hope those that truly know me will not compare
I am me, not perfect, I am well aware

Navigating my way way through
Just like you

So many words... why?

Incapable, that is what haunts me
Trying to hide from it so no one will see

Incapable, that is a word you cannot avoid
If it is there, you own it, yet it destroys

Incapable, incapable it follows you around
What is it, why, it completely surrounds

Unable to fit in the box that is required
Pretending, pretending is tedious, so tired

Incapable
Incapable
What can you do?
Just live, just laugh and continue

Inspire, interact, and show some compassion
It will go a long way to make things happen
A simple smile, say hello, connect and care
A day will come, when you are in need of an “ear”
Someone who will interact, listen and truly believe
Listen, know what you need, sending you on a path to achieve

Inspire, Inspire... in return you will receive what you desire

It’s time

Difficult life can be, decisions, choices who does it serve

Often mistakenly, selfish I am called

Despite my heart, my love, I simply observe

So I have built a wall

A wall that keeps me safe, content but ultimately alone

I trust those close yet sometimes expectations arise

Pulling me, to a place unknown

Just living and trying to satisfy others, that is my prize

The next chapter the next life I hope to do better

There is another chance? There is more

I sit, ponder, should I send a letter

The world spins, circles the sun, I continue to be unsure

Unsure
Unsure
Wondering
Wandering

Now what?

It’s a struggle at times, no manual to give guidance
Kids, moving on, showing independence and defiance
Been there myself, understand completely
Yet watching it unfold, realizing full circle, so overwhelming and there is uncertainty
As life changes and the people in my life go, some stay
I just try to be present,  aware, show no dismay
Our challenges never relent, never rest
All we can do is exist and provide our best
Life moves fast, and the ever changing world makes no sense
Yet in the end, you stay focused and provide defense
No end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel
Just be true, honest and truly it is a struggle

My gal, my gal you are so sweet
Despite our differences, our love was complete
My attention was lacking and u needed me
But I was unable to recognize and I was blind to see
See that I had a person to prize
But my temporary nature continues my demise
You will find a soul to that will keep u forever
My hope is that our time u will remember
Don’t know what is next or where I will go
Just hold on, save, what you know

So many fun times, fun nights w friends
Yet maybe it’s time for it to end

Chose a new direction, make a true connection
A new path a real destination

I should make a change, go forward and forget the past

Yet, so many friends and people to meet, and have blast

It is a struggle to chose and do what’s right
Yet, who decides, who is accountable for your night

As I say, the mirror holds all the answers, all the truth
If your content with what you see, who you are, it doesn’t take a sleuth

Own it, be you and go where your destined
And no one should ever question

We all find our road, our place
Time is irrelevant, do you, create your own space

Life is great in certain ways
Discovering something new, that was so near
Assuming things based on what one portrays
Learning that it was cloaked in fear

Fear of opening their heart
Because like others, pain is part of the past
Hoping, wishing, they long for a new start
But focus too much on time elapsed

To move on, one has to let go
Accept it is time to take a risk, make a change
The mirror see’s and it knows
Your soul, your “you” you can’t exchange

Another time and possibly another place
Our souls may have outlasted the chaos
Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough space
Fourth in line, outside in the raindrops
That was how it felt and where I landed
I could have asked, pleaded for more
I chose to just exist, and avoid, I should have commanded
Commanded what I needed us to become
But my apathy, yours as well, is why we are done
Moving forward I hope to change some of my behavior
Value the one that matters most, and savor

Haven’t seen or heard from “you” for awhile
Life changes, things move quick, when will it be time for us to smile
Just be who you chose to be
Regrets, give them up, It will allow you to see
See the truth and your being
Find you path, walk it, own your life, it is freeing...

Music

So strange how music can take you back
To a place a time deep within your soul
The artists are unaware of this, playing entertaining, it’s truth not abstract
Listening it takes us to places we long for, or want to avoid, life takes a toll

I wish everyone could see what I see
These experiences large or small impact us all
Eye opening, showing all we could be
Simply put… simply put, respond to the call

Listen up remember where you were and where you are
Ups and downs we have all had
Be with others, be true, even at he bar
Experiences shape us, don’t miss out, resist the sad

All of us hope and dream
All of us hope and dream
Never quit life
Never

Now

Yes now, be in the now
Don’t get trapped in the tomorrow
Be you, enjoy, and avow
Promise you will stay true and be your best, let go of sorrow
Move forward, be kind and a friend
Those are all that matter in the end
So challenging to move through this life
So many twists, turns it cuts like a knife
The one thing that matters is the path you forged
Did you do well? What is your reward
Rewards are not our ultimate desire
Be content and maintain that fire
Fire that burns to ensure you are present and alive
That is truly going to help you survive
Survive and prosper, love and live
Because at night that is what we sleep with

Obligation

So difficult to live a double life, and never truly exonerate the past
So many things I have missed and so many things I’ve gained
Yet it haunts me, and at times I am ashamed
Not able to truly commit to a life
Simply put… it has caused me strife
Choices made with one foot in
Realizing the struggle within
Unable to give to the people that have loved me
My world, a work in progress, yet I cannot see
See that I have let so many down
My inability to trust, my temporary nature, a detriment, I may as well drown
Knowing the cause offers no relief
It simply and succinctly creates a path of grief
I promise there will be a time I make amends
I hope in the end, those I have “infected” we can be friends

Well, decisions are to be made, choices, life
I take a lot of input from my inner people, my clan
I believe my path will pan out alright
Some may see, that all choices come w a cost, but I feel I am a wise man

I will see it through and handle what is needed
Not selfish as some may see
Taking into account all that matters, I’ve wrestled with my decisions and have pleaded
Pleaded with those above,  to show me they way, the person to be

Days turn into nights, nights to dawn
I continue to search and seek
Navigating through, evaluating, nothing is forgone
Life is not a simple hike, no maps, just you and those you keep

Everyday is new, a chance, an opportunity
Seize it, be better, and continue the journey

Waiting, and waiting I need you here
My desire my passion for you is sincere
Kissing and touching you is what I need
Skin to skin, I beg and I plead
My heart beats for who you are
Even inches away, that seems too far
My love, my soul,  I give to you
The bond we develop seems so new
The connection we have made, is so real
My Passion and commitment is here to steal
Love like us, love like ours
Committed, and strong we will tower
Be present to prove our love
The path directed by some above

Over

Deep inside I feel the pain
I can’t escape it or dodge the rain
My soul is crushed from failing you
But passion will emerge with someone new
Life is tricky and let’s us down
Yet as we wake hope abounds
Evenings are long since you left
At times it’s painful and I am out of breath
Moving on without my soul
The early mornings are taking its toll
Being patient is tough to do
My heart is empty without you

Pain

Sometimes embrace the pain, just as some endure the rain

We all seek comfort and content
Yet troubles present and they never relent

Hold close the times of no despair
They’re sure to go, pain will return, who will care

Your choices in times of trouble, shape you, and reveal
Reveal you truth, your soul, how you truly feel

Don’t run from the pain, or the rain
Sunny days are sure to show
No need for talk or to explain
Those who value you instinctively know

Know who you are, where you have come from
Pain is needed to embrace the fun

Pain is a healer
Comfort is a stealer
A
Stealer of souls
Pain is a remedy as you grow old

It is a difficult road we travel
A difficult life we lead
Managing things, but it can always unravel
Pulled, decisions, choices, who is most in need

Struggling, and the kids never know
We hide it, we keep them safe
We put on a glorious show
And provide them comfort and space

As a kid I was oblivious to the true sacrifices my mom made
I did me, I was a child, never afraid

Now, I see through the eyes of my mom
How parenting is, and things go wrong

I can’t fix it all but I strive to
Finding their own way, being young
Parents, we are always aware and in tune
But, the kids grow up, life, we are left “hung”

Just hope the kids value your love
That is truly what is important, and what life consists of

Paths
Worn. Well traveled. Not one I seek
My choice, my life I want to breathe
At times it’s not for the meek
Strength and courage it takes, and never leave

Don’t leave your choices don’t leave your past
Carry on, sustain and maintain
Enjoy your days, as they grow shorter, time moves fast
In the end there will be no one to blame

We all have a path, it comes from within
Be smart, be thoughtful, forge ahead
Spend your time enjoying and laughing
Walk the path and don’t look back and wonder “instead”

Instead of this or that
No going back
See life see friends,
family intact
Certainly all that matters
Ends

Questioning

Here, there… nowhere
I ponder I think
Should I do different, does anyone care
I believe in others and that is the link
I enjoy life and will always  share

Share my ability to make friends

Is that where it ends


There is a connection to what’s to come
Finding my purpose
I strive,feeling things have been left undone
My true feelings are sure to surface

Can’t hide the truth
Or who you are
No questions, simply you,  don’t need to be sleuth
Be real, be a lucky star

Questioning the life I chose
Reasoning, wondering what is right
In the end I will be judged I suppose
I think, wonder, did I provide darkness or light

Reflection

Deep in thought, seeking some clarity
What the hell is wrong with me

I have the best of friends, family that loves
Yet, happiness eludes, what becomes

Destined to watch and wait
I believe happiness is too late

Too late for me, my window has closed
Will just enjoy those that I know

Sip wine, tell tales of a life I once had
But honestly I remember and I am not sad

Given a good life I made my mistakes
Mistakes, choices, I am awake

Own your past, your present and future

Own it
See it  
Move on

You can plan for change and prepare
Feel confident, it will all go as planned
Yet when real life happens and the change causes despair  
the pain and emotion is difficult to withstand
The past returns like this overwhelming flood
Permeating all, ruining what was to be
You search for answers from afar and above
Just hoping you will find exactly what you need
But the “need” is impossible to feed
Its apparent you are destined to seek
To look for what never will be
You had it, lost it, that you will see

Seeing

See, look, know, even the blind can see, see people for who they are

Listen, feel, touch but always see and look beyond the stars

Grasp life, hold it, embrace, see,  truly observe

Watching, knowing truths, not being clouded, just obtain what you deserve

See, yes truly be, stay humble and be a guide

Guide those that are in need, you’ll be surprised

Rewards that have no monetary value, are the goal of the wise

Learn everyday, see clear, avoid conflict and others demise

See
See
Look close
You will know
Your life will be fulfilled
Your experience, life, defined, without obligation
Just simply see, be

Seeking

Lost, found, lost again
Searching, wondering when

Destiny has its plan for me
I certainly can’t imagine what it will be

Hopeful at times, destitute as well
My path leads nowhere I can tell

Yet to carry on and do what’s required
Makes me less and less, inspired

A journey awaits, that I am certain
And all will see what’s behind the “curtain”

A man that cares, cries and try’s
I don’t want to wait until it’s “goodbyes”

As I settle down at home
After an evening out but I chose to be alone
Alone is not always a negative
Often it gives opportunity to be reflective
Just reflecting on the time that has passed
Tv on, background noise is all and  I maybe smashed
A drink or two w friends
It’s a means to an end
I know my clarity is true
Just waiting, watching for something new
Most I engage with don’t meet the mark
I am willing to wait for “you” and that spark
The spark we will feel instantly inside
The hope, the dream, the anticipation I cannot hide
As partners and friends we will succeed
It may be a dream, maybe unreachable but that is not what I truly believe