I'm Sorry about how I am,
I close my eyes and still see you,
at the start it was nearly exiting,
but now what do I do,
I maybe safer,
but the agony shines through.

God take me in my sleep,
so this hurt will no longer be,
that breath sweep me away,
I'm down on my knees,
they say I can enjoy my self,
but how is this free!

Old love becomes a curse,
how can a heart that is broken,
truly be fixing,
time is against me so the clock is ticking,
I all ready see the better men she is picking,
I'm angry that your gorgeous face is still sticking.

Forgive me,
for I am beyond bitter,
my conscience,
is shrouded by,
the darkest weather.

My goal,
is to look good in the eyes again,
without hurting,
without despise,
thats my endeavour.

But my issue is,
what has good done to me,
but hurt me,
leave me in need,
when I was there what ever that weather!

I can't care for good,
because if I reach out,
good takes my fingers off,
one at a time,
making me sick and boil in pain.

So NO I can't look,
how can I smile,
how can I love,
how can I be selfless again,
so evil I'll remain.

So you get rid of me because I ended up emotionally black mailing you,
into believing what I believed,
and now you've got rid of me you've decided to do the same to me,
you want me to keep my mouth shut,
so now you're in control!
how ******* dare you!!

Is that how this is going to work,
you're free now,
you're in control,
I even snapped out of it so you wouldn't be burdend,
dunno how,
but that wasn't good enough you were already bored.

Through out our relationship,
you always had to keep a few secrets just to have your bit of control,
you had to be a bit rebellious,
I gave you ******* control,
I gave you choice over me!
I gave you everything so I could adapt to be who you wanted!

And you know what my view was,
not till I'd found the one,
so I could be pure and proud,
I hate to say it even if it wasn't on purpose,
I'm **** like the rest now and damaged goods,
I've been ****** and left!!

Oh yes and your voice remained a secret,
I wanted you to be able to let go with me,
and just be comfortable,
oh ******* look,
there's a concert now we've split up,
and guess who's performing!!!!???

And you probably want to find some else now I'm so ****,
well I pray they love you like I did or better if even possible,
I do hope they are powerful,
because you deserve it,
and I am forever watchful,
I will ******* break them!!

I know,
I'm not all that great,
I'm not that good looking,
not that open,
not that fun,
not that special,
but I'm still all yours to take.

But you're irresistible,
make no mistake,
I'd do anything to be close,
but I can't help but remember,
your hugs are posed for display at the moment,
and your frowns at me with rare eye contact,
turn into a smile that seams forced and fake.

I can't promise you I'm not ill,
I'm not extreme,
but some pain still kills,
all I wanted was to keep you safe,
I haven't got an issue with you going away to places,
but I'd love to be close to you,
when you're back just the same.

If you can't be close physically,
how emotionally can you see,
well just seeing you happy is a pleasure to me,
I suppose I'll have to disappear,
so you can feel again,
I'll be a ghost,
just a glimpse you'll see.

I'll be back if and when you want me close,
I still have my one wish,
I won't give up on you,
I won't forget like you said,
I won't make you regret,
but you have to remember,
that I love you the most.

I've probably thought like this before,
so many times,
perhaps for all the wrong reasons,
but this time I guess it really matters.
   So I start off thinking,
can she love me?
theres that part of me that says,
ye she's just confused because you've been ill,
maybe if I hadn't have been so wrong,
this distance wouldn't have happened,
who am I to know?
there is another part of me which says,
maybe not perhaps she's board of me,
and she just doesn't know how to say it,
   Which then leads me to think,
Does she think there's someone better out there for her,
someone who looks better maybe?
perhaps I'm not gonna be the best any more,
she said I'm still attractive but how much am I really?
someone who makes her feel better all round.
   Perhaps she thinks I love her but not enough?
so maybe there is someone out there,
who she wants to be closer to instead of me,
someone who she'd rather spend her life with.
   I wonder If she knows I believe there is no one,
who could love her more than me now,
I would do anything for her,
and appreciate her for who she really,
and be confronted by being privileged enough to know that,
   I wonder if she's thought what life would be like without me?
If she didn't have me yearning to be close,
would she care?
all those lovely times we had,
being silly,
or sneaky,
and laughing.
   I just want to make her happy!
we could have loads more wonderful times,
with me still close,
I wouldn't let her down later on,
we could both live more relaxed,
   I wonder if she can imagine,
all those good times but better an fresh,
without me having a bad head!
I can think more present now,
I can think more positive now,
how wonderful that would be with her!
   The map is now bright and full of opportunity,
it's full of wishes now,
not complete darkness,
I hope she doesn't think that I still will bog her down,
her high isn't my low.
   I'm still hers and she can trust me,
I hope she knows that she's gorgeous and lovely,
I can only hope I deserve more time with her,
and she'd be happier with me not without me,
   Hopefully we can push through this,
without a maximum of two kisses on a text,
and without a maximum in our lives,
we can go on and grow on,
I'm still me,
I won't give up.

Well I suppose I came up with so many restricting rules,
   I didn't appreciate the beauty I had enough,
      I made you do things and by mistake gained control,
   I wasn't cheery enough,
my health wasn't good enough,
   and I never understood enough,
      yet you never pushed or shoved me,
   but I've made a promise not to descend to the world below,
or to ascend to the sky above me,
  I don't know if this will change my fate,
      the days...
         I couldn't make her love me.

It's sort of circular,
more like an oval,
with the four seasons positioned round it,
summer and winter at the two peeks,
the map has many dimensions,
there is numerical memory in columns and rows,
on another layer to the main map,
and on the map there are memories,
from my past which flash back to me in moments of panic,
there are dark shadows of fate in the future,
there are a few colourful points on the map,
days of hope and to make it to,
but they are normally crowded by deep grey patches,
I can see them,
1 week,
almost 1 month,
nearly 4 months,
not far off 1 year,
just a select few of them,
sometimes the map fades into the shadows,
thats when the end is drawing near,
on the deciding days the dimensions disappear.

I am an old homeless man,
looking at a beautiful mound of gold,
   I'm to slow to run at it,
so the richer people get there first,
and grab random handfuls of it freely,
taking it back to by luxury items,
with not a care for keeping themselves alive,
   by the time I get there,
there is but a smaller mound,
   I would have loved and appreciated that mound,
no matter what the size,
I would have fed and sheltered with it,
and respected it for what it gave me,
as long as it shined with the same beauty at me,
   do you blame me for bending down,
on my small crippled hands and knees,
to grab every last penny?

She's the kinda Girl I'll do anything for,
I couldn't want and there couldn't be anything more,
I just want her just how she comes,
that warm familiar look is the one of the one.

She's that kinda Woman with gorgeous looks,
her hair naturally blows,
as her curves naturally flow,
and her chocolate auburn hair waves and loops.

She's the kinda Lady you have to know to know,
the cover is deceptive,
and I hope some chapters can be neglected,
theres some horrible things only cursed old pages show.

She's the kinda Queen I want forever more,
she has the power of a storm that could bring me down,
and the knowledge of 100 prophets,
she's the only one I adore.

She's the kinda Goddess that has all that knowledge to act on,
but attempts with no decision,
as if to say the answer is beyond my opinion,
I worry who will make that choice when I'm sometimes gone.

And then I breathed,
several deep breaths,
as I left the valley,
of the shadow,
of death.

I,
there was no realisation,
that I was forcing my way out,
head first,
through the jaws of pitiless hell.

Because my breaths,
of deep relief,
were probably mistaken,
for the deep breaths,
before the last plunge.

This is one of the worst sequences,
there is some which have happened beyond this,
but that's only because my death is potential,
it hasn't happened... yet.

There is an open road,
we cross it,
I pass a bizarre building,
"what are you doing?"
"where are you going?"
you say.

I can feel your gaze on my back,
I don't turn round,
because your inquisitive look,
would tear my heart even more,
I tell you to go on and give me a min',
In my normal way.

And then you go on with the other one,
I slump down at the wall,
gazing on past Bethesda,
into the green pastures of the after life,
sequencing about the terror that is happening with you.

And like always I'm beaten by my body,
my heart,
my breath,
thats when I end,
you come out when you're done to check I'm ok,
but then I gaze into your lush eyes,
I'm to scared to gaze anywhere else,
just incase I see something that further scares me,
you then just watch me slip away.

I've hinted,
so many ******* times!!
just please do it for me,
please I beg you,
I don't want to have to do it myself,
it's not fair on them,
it's not fair on her,
it's not fair on me,
I can already see when,
before then,
I beg you Please!

I open my window vent facing the open south,
I gaze to my right to the setting sun,
and to my left to Bawdsey and Poland,
As my lonely days draw to a close.

It's open in the hope that,
I'll catch her call on the wind,
or somehow inhale her breath from the air,
but they never come.

Death is standing behind me with great posture,
as if for me to turn round and shake his hand,
so he can take the heavy breathing away from me,
and stop the heavy beating of my heart.

Once again here I am,
with my heart so far away,
you don't ever get use to just making it through the day,
It couldn't be worse dying in any other way,
god the price I'd pay,
to make you stay,
you always were so wild,
compared to me,
I hope I can keep you tame.

I find it so strange,
how you just enjoy leaving now,
It's a terrofying change,
you can now just run,
run out on the open range,
leave me to die,
of my depressing selfishness,
I'm such a lingering pain,
Leave me to die of my Loving mange.

Well you got it alright,
and you've over taken me,
to the point where I look like I'm not moving,
I'm just something of the past now,
no authority,
not good enough,
out of work,
failing education,
can't look after you,
I just weigh you down,
and cling on for dear life,
hoping you won't change,
as rapidly as you're progressing,
don't know weather my once strong words,
mean anything any more,
I'm worried that I'll be left crawling behind,
I have a question to ask you in a few months time,
I don't think it's the obvious question,
but I don't think I can ask you now,
because I don't want to ruin your life,
I pray it's not to late by then,
I hope your not to independent for me by that point,
If you say yes I would be able to breath,
and if you say no,
I'm not sure I can.

Your gentle touch,
when you kiss me after an Icy drink,
and tongue round my ears,
when you hug me without holding back,
and snuggle up with me in front of the TV,
when you run your hands through my hair,
and you caress my skin,
leaving me intoxicated as you constrict my body.

The delightful sound,
of your lips parting,
and your soothing whisper in my ear,
the swell of your groans,
and your exited pant,
or your cute squeak,
when you stroke my flesh,
and our soaked chests stick together.

My dazzled sight,
when you gaze into me,
or give me that irrisistable hot look,
your flowing bronze chocolate hair,
the perkiness of your smooth curves,
the face structure of a goddess,
and the most welcoming pure skin,
I won't forget those colourful eyes.

That tempting smell,
of your natural scent,
when you wake up in the morning,
and your perfumes and products,
or your warm home,
and fresh washing powder,
when I bury my nose deep into you,
and soak up the essence of you.

And the rich taste,
of your delicate lips,
and your soft cheeks,
your agile tongue,
or your running sweat,
when I lap up your *******,
or you loosen round my face,
and I suckle as you gush.

I hate it when you go away,
brings ****** darkness to my days,
what you get up to is a ****** haze,
and it make my anxious hard race.
   It's that idea of you comin back all wrong,
sad, shagged, corrupted and ugly or crippled like a ****.
sharing life with you makes me less jealous strong.
   Don't like it when you're drunk especially when you're not with me,
I care for your health,
your not the ****** same and I get so worried,
and I think manipualtive ***** will get you into stuff,
and robb you of your secrets that are close to me,
I won't mention any cuntie names.
   I can only hope you don't do something unattractive,
you know my normal bits,
they make me feel physically sick,
because to put it bluntly,
putting up with this ****,
makes me feel like I can't ******* live!

Like a fresh plank,
you varnish with coat after coat,
but what you should note,
no matter how many coats,
the knots just won't..

Disappear,
they will just hide and ***** deep,
then later on when the wood is old,
the worms crawl out form the depths,
and rott your world cold...

And muddled,
you long for the Ivy's cuddle,
to keep you up right,
despite is constant side affects,
you need varnish coated with a shovel!

They all ask,
why so protective?
why so boring?
why can't you accept?
the inevitability of spoil!

My unarguable answer is this,
If ever in your naive life,
you love someone as much as I do,
then you will fight like hell,
to stop they're corruption.

Old like a pensioner,
I'm reminded,
every waking hour,
of how I'm being left behind.

I'm sat there,
staring into space,
waiting for the world to change,
and love to accelerate leaving me stuck.

Stuck in the past,
where people are how they are,
where they haven't changed into freaks,
intent on destroying what makes them beautiful.

They are just fresh and pure,
and wise enough,
enough to not take risks,
risks that aren't worth taking.

But SNAP,
an adrenaline rush,
back to reality,
what has happened?

They bitterly remind me,
that I'm to ill to be in control,
they have planned to move on,
without a second thought.

I am sat there,
a hopeless mess,
while they leave to get a job,
proving there ability in independents and change.

It doesn't take a genius,
to realise I'm ill,
the anxiety of loss and change,
leaves me edgy and so low.

I'm dying,
I hope someone,
can **** my troubles,
before they **** me.

Forgive me,
for I may sin,
perhaps for your benefit,
for there benefit,
for my love's sake,
but what I believe in,
no longer matters,
If I am taken by the dark,
to aid you and the rest,
then so be it,
spare me,
from the jaws of hell,
Amen!

Losing you,
me not being attracted to you,
and you not being attracted to me,
Love we have now,
and deep down you don't want it to be,
I'm scared of death and suffering,
because I may not have you,
and you are what I need.

when you go,
I want you back the lady I know,
when your tangled in the mix,
need there be risk,
the truth hurts,
but not as much as lying,
is there enjoyment,
without my inside crying.

after years of hurt,
and my attempt to help you,
could someone else come along and save you,
in just a couple of months.

I was scared,
that once you were made better,
you would perhaps want me,
but no longer need me.

I was just going to be,
an added bonus in life,
I wasn't going to be,
'worth living for.'

So here I am,
do you care for me,
as much as I care for you?
I'm confused.

Are you actually better?
how come you seem to have less issue,
with being away form me,
but I'm sick and tired without you?

I also wonder,
weather you'll come back to me,
having become,
A new animal of nightmare.

A foul creature,
of smoke,
metal,
and ink.

with a burning temper,
and a tail of sin,
is that what I would wait,
three years to see.

Is my future,
A holiday from me?
It seems you would willingly go,
without a thought.

However I would,
throw away useless goals,
just so I could spend time,
gazing at the wonder of you.

Ooah, get your finger out, get your *** in gear, split skin, stinging flesh, unhealed for all to see, my

Grandad died of ******* cancer partly, tell me, what does she know, that do they know, grey world,

some more soon, no don't, I'm going, why didn't you say, will I be worth, am I needed anymore,

who are they, don't say there names Tigz what ever I ask, blood, fire, hold me, hair, warm, don't go,

shiver, visions, sequences, pantheism, hippie, music, teaching, busking, concerts, grade eight,

sociology, not in control, keep clean, happily ever after, I love you, lonely, scared, scarred,

traumatised, ill, why couldn't I help, holiday, gone, guilty, old, compasion fatigue, failing, tired,

delusional, Josh I won't see someone do it again, you're saying words I've heard before, neither's

good Callum, no I can't step back, what did I do, sin, past, present, future, what did you say, I don't

understand, is that all it took, setting sun, please please help me!!!!!

So you do??
Do you???
Oh ye ??!

I didn't have the courage to see my grandfather on his death bed,
I was to scared to ask the person I love out without getting paid!
I was always the waist of space in the family,
I was beaten for being naive and weak,
I would just sit and cry as the sun set,
waiting for the end of my miserable,
sickly life!
I was a pathetic child,
and I'm an old sick man In a young man's body,
I'm nearly out of motivation,
and I'm failing my education,
I'm living off my old reputation.

I won't ask you to imagine what it's like,
if the person you love tried to **** them self,
because you can't,
yes that's right,
I wasn't worth living for it seems,
I don't believe you have given it all up for one person,
and realised,
only other people can help her and make her happy,
all they had to do was have a chat,
and then oh look,
she hasn't been this happy in a long time,
professionals are doing the job my love failed to do!
I won't ask you to imagine how that feels,
because you can't!!!

It seems I'm to blame for what happened,
It was me who helped keep the secrets locked away,
It was me who picked her apart,
It was me who brought her life down with my own stress and anxiety,
It was me who held her back in life,
she now gets better and I'm now the one struggling to do the same,
perhaps It's time for me to disappear,
perhaps it's the only act of kindness I can still perform,
If there is a God, he would blame hell for my creation,
you know nothing of guilt,
you know nothing of hatred,
so chin up and keep moving!

Well in socio,
I was asked what is my identity?
I thought,
sure I know plenty,
but actually,
what the hell do I know,
am I build up of what people think around me?

Well this is what I think,
you don't have to agree,
I don't really know who I am to you.

To me I'm a unique bloke,
physically short and strong due to painful labour and exercise,
mentally I'm ****** up due to obsessions,
visions and life experiances,
I don't hate much,
danger,
drugs,
wankers,
and body modifications,
so you're alright with me if you keep yourself clean.

I'm a contemporary saxophonist,
with a bit of old school classical,
my ****** dyslexia is my downfall.

I'm a moral monster,
just remember that,
I still have some faith,
so cut me some slack,
I just want you to be gorgeous and safe,
whoever you are,
I may have a large mouth,
but it's a wise one,
my real name is Jack.

Flashbacks,
to judgment day,
as well as the ones before.

   Some weight is lifted,
But I want you to be mine,
I'm protective even more.

   I lived for the day for a bit,
But now I want our future,
so now my head is torn.

   And so I have to check,
that I'll see you again,
to stop the greater mourn.

   So do I want it back,
what I have thrown away,
I can't cope through another judgment day!

Now I've got a few more thoughts in tact,
I think it's only fair you know what happened that day,
the longest day and the shortest day,
by far the worst day of my life,
and thats a fact.

It was late morning after brass,
when the phone rang,
It can't have been a good thing,
right then in my head,
there was so many questions I asked.

I didn't think twice,
I just picked up the phone,
because the truth is nothing matters more than you,
I'm always waiting here,
your call is irisistible and I can't help but be enticed.

A sob and a sniff,
my heart thumpped,
harder and heavier,
you said they know,
I said oh ****!

Then you said,
I'll tell you about it after school,
you knew that was one of the worst things you could have done,
but I don't blame you,
it was such a huge sorrow to shed.

I'd never been so hard hit.
then the minutes started to run into seconds,
I found my self collapsed in a toilet cubicle after music,
I twitched and I shivered,
I quickly started to lose it.

So I rang this time,
I couldn't resist,
I had to know where you were,
and what was happening to you,
but when you said hospital I lost my mind.

I thought of your mother over reacting,
and all the things they could be doing to you,
I was helpless and hopeless,
so I went mad,
because there was no normal way to act.

I then found Tigz and Grace,
to find some sort of confront,
but I couldn't cling onto any,
there was nobody to keep me safe,
from my own consciousness.

In my sick shade of pale,
I went onto my study,
and thats when I got your text,
I was hoping that wasn't the case,
but it was and I failed.

My heart was really beating,
and I collapsed at the bottom of the stairs,
I couldn't stop breathing,
But I heard a voice while I was now laying on the piano,
he's hyperventilating.

Cameron (the voice) followed me,
followed me down to the toilet,
where I pearched against a cold damp wall,
Mr. Moran found me,
and said the toilet was no place to be.

Mrs. Phillips then found me and got me some water,
I tried to get rid of her,
so went out in the rain,
I couldn't feel the bitter cold or the wet,
but she was still there to help me and tell me my orders.

She said I've wrung Mrs. T,
go there now,
she's waiting for you,
and so I ventured out into the rain,
and lumbered through the spitting breaze.

I sat down in the office,
and she explained what she knew,
and that she only found out 20 minutes ago,
I spewed out ******* for the next hour,
I cried in front of miss.

She told me how I should use you as my motivation,
how I should keep eating and stay strong,
how I should stay healthy to help you get better,
it couldn't get much worse than this,
so I had to keep fighting despite this revelation.

So on I went and played my saxophone into the night,
it was all going to be easier from here,
I didn't realise what I was going through till now,
Miss told me compassion fatigue,
I had my answers so I went home to tell my family my fright.

As the sun briskly rises on a chilly autumn morn,
   my Dormouse pokes her nose through the side of her nest,
her gorgeous loveable eyes are still half closed,
   but she still crawls out of her soft home to start the day.

   She has a long day ahead of her,
scurrying around finding blackberries to nibble,
   on the odd occasion she might stop for a nap,
but she wriggles on to look after her partner,

Me!

Mr. Wormy!

As long as it doesn't hurt,
I want you to imagine watching me being torn apart,
by powerful galloping stallions in a crowd full of naive people.
   As I'm torn,
my deepest darkest secrets that only you know,
come pouring out.
   You have become protective of these secrets because you have helped keep them for so long.
so you can feel my pain as the incidence unfolds before your eyes,
there is nothing you can do but watch and feel.
   This is why I burnout and freakout,
every time I hear the word councillor or support,
it's like someone taking your job and getting respect for not knowing it like you did.

I gave it all up for you,
without realising,
it was so easy,
to throw away a thing or two.

I'd do anything for you,
and that's what I thought it would take,
I just wanted to fill my life with you,
even if you didn't want me to.

I've been ill because I love you,
Medicalising my mind set,
has helped me understand,
why I've been fatigued too.

I'm actually even more protective of you,
even if they say the weight's off my shoulders,
I'm going to start fresh and get better,
but your coming with me where I'm going to!

I didn't love you enough,

   you didn't want enough,

      your mother didn't do enough,

   your father didn't see enough,

your brother didn't care enough,

   and our friends and family didn't know enough,

      we all blame our selves,

   but how ever hard it is for me to understand,

nobody is to blame.

Ok?
Is that how much I'm worth?
Did you doubt me?
Did I not love you enough?
Were the days with me before that bad?
Am I to terrible to live with?
Am I the person to blame?

Here's the deal,
I said I'd die for you,
I'm going to do even better than that now,
I'm going to live for you,
Because I love you and I believe you're worth living for,
I just wish you accepted how gorgeous you are,
And I was worth living for to.

I find it amazing,
how the worst day,
and the best day,
of your life,
can be so close together.

how dusk turns to dawn,
and the sun starts to rise,
to a fresh day,
how you can get clear skies,
after the stormiest of weather.

So if the worst day has already dawned,
it's going to get better from here,
we'll build our selves up,
and our love,
will let us achieve our greatest endeavours.

Well we've known each other for a long time now,
believe it or not,
so I though it was about time I told you why and how.

It's not easy being the second son,
I was considered worthless,
as you know I couldn't read or add up sums.

I didn't have a dolphins brain,
I had a lions heart,
they use to think it was such a shame.

But here I am stronger and better paid.
Mental issues not physical.
look at the monster I've made!

My fear of hurt,
has been given to you.

My heart pounds,
when I see pictures of you.

I die,
when you're not here.

I hate to think,
of you any other way.

I'm cold,
when you're not holding me.

I'm throbbing,
when you gaze at me.

You stun me,
when you touch me.

And you **** me,
when you're in danger.

I would rather be,
whipped, struck, or beaten,
punched, slapped or bitten.

Because I know it wouldn't hurt,
half as much as leaving you,
the pain of London can't be repeated.

Sax,
   clarinet,
      grade 8,
scales,
   sight reading,
      frustrate.

Super rock,
   teaching,
      french cafe,
logic,
   preaching,
      don't go that way!

Camp,
   sociology,
      tech,
music,
   general,
       respect.

cleaning,
   brother,
      size,
love,
   loss,
      surprise.

feet,
   freedom,
      modelling,
workout,
   fear,
      not bothering.

Your wet lips next to dry grass,
your smooth body surrounded,
by mass drunken laughs.

Your hips pinned to a shed wall,
you danced with such passion,
you possessed me like a fool.

That fit beauty I was on,
please ask yourself,
where have those days gone?

All the time,
we are waiting,
the high light of our day,
just being in contact with each other,
it is time worth making.

We sit and wait,
for that message,
that text,
that call,
the obsession of the love in which we fall.

But what we really want,
is that hug,
that kiss,
that touch,
the things we crave so very much.

I said I'll love you always,
my opinion is gonna remain the same.
  
   So if I have to hide away,
Its not cos I don't love you,
It's because I'll die.
  
   If I'm helpless,
and I have to watch you,
obliviously stray.

Well you say you don't know,
how I can be this hot,
well I don't know,
how you know what you want.

But I get this weird feeling,
from what I heard and saw,
perhaps you're thinking the same way?

Have you been through this before?

I'm sorry,
I am very ill again,
I don't feel I'm going to make it out this time,
with my sanity in tact,
I can feel the molten core,
with a dark surrounding,
the spasms are wild with a ruff pant,
my heart is pounding.

  Even so,
I love you,
I'll look after you,
I'll give you everything I got,
even If It's not what you want,
I'm right behind you,
In every task...

I hate my self to say this,
but I need help,
Is staying naturally beautiful to much to ask?

I have come to the conclusion,
I might be the only one who can help,
if the doctor found out about your head,
the pills would **** with your meds,
I don't think your strong enough,
to wean off the addiction,
so the pills would twist you till your dead.
   Council would help,
but you feel safe without the attention,
if people knew,
it could be fatal,
so I suppose I'm the only one,
who won't stop helping you,
so I'm your shot at redemption.
   So what can I give you?
   Vitamins and endorphins,
I won't stop trying,
even if I am good for nothing.

You can't catch it,
is what I want to say to them,
it's to fast,
it hides and comes out when it wants to,
you only see it then.

I'm use to it,
I see it all the time,
I am the one who guards it,
like a savage beast,
when it comes I'm in my prime.

when it's out,
I'm with it till the end,
I will stand guard,
or change guard,
on my loyalty it's welfare depends!

Let me tell you something,
something I haven't said to you before,
I've told many others,
but it's about you,
and telling you has worried me for sure.

I can't remember the date,
It was some time last year,
but It was a hard reality check,
which nearly knocked me out,
and it's what brought you so near.

I STOPPED,
don't know where or when,
but I thought of my days with the stoners,
I thought of the protests I made,
and the **** I believed,
and the risks my friends had taken.

I believed that **** had never killed,
and was healthy it majority and medicinal,
but in fact I found later on that it was terrible,
once adapted for the street,
and me not taking it was a miracle.

see what **** really kills is your mind,
you wouldn't be the same girl I knew,
you already have your problems,
see it's killed some of my friends inside,
and I won't let it have you!

The reality check I got,
was of your making,
would I let you be a test dummy of this,
did I really believe what I once said,
on you was the risk really worth taking?

I sink my snout deep into my firm bed,
   from within the quilt a divine scent is shed,

Wood smoke and vibrant gold with strawberry cream,
      reminds me of a festival goddess round a dancing fire who is a blessing to see,

I moved with her when she drifted into my room and caressed my skin,
   it was such an honour for a tempting sin.

Sax
Clarinet,
piano,
Moot,
Wedding,
I want to know.
   Old stages,
super rock,
Is she alright?
double grade 8,
partys,
I hope she sticks to the light.
   Explores,
work,
does she look like the love I know?
money,
independence,
will I find something that she hasn't shown?
   Not enough time to exercise,
A diseased family,
I want endless time with her in my future,
GAD,
sequences,
do I sound like a preacher?
   spots,
maturity,
can I cope?
when will I next see her,
can I manage more motivation,
MAYBE I WON'T !

you...
overly Pierced,
  body stained,
cut and maimed,
      bleached or dyed,
brain fried,
   emotions drained,
drugged and smoked,
      waxed and shamed,
lying,
   arrogant,
unfaithful,
      vain...

for these,
   would I turn and run?
Or make you tame?

I want you forever,
you can't handle,
you can now cope with our love,
but long term puts you in shambles.

Have you got plans of moving on,
will you get board of living with my opinion,
can't you see us together,
your the one I adore and I am your minion.