Obsession,
ignoring you isn't easy,
I care so much,
that you are who you are,

   thinking of you changing,
hurt,
or fading,
makes me feel queasy,

      what secrets do you keep,
are you a sinner,
don't take the risk,
why turn to the dark,

what do you do,
how do you feel,
do I hold you back,
can you live like me,

  It's a question,

      I must ask.

he takes the room by storm,
a set of golden keys jangling in both hands,
he stroles up to me and opens my cage,
he has a thin neck which opens out to a wide rumbling gut,
his voice cuts through the air with a scream,
and then roles down to a grumble,
his padded body sways as he preaches,
and his pitch black skin glints in the light of the door out of the cell.
"Remember this".
he says,
"I was your Key out of here!"

There's a storm coming,
and we better be ready when it blows,
it will break our hearts,
and drown our souls.

We will have to work hard,
if we are to wait out the storm,
it can make the biggest of things small,
and the smallest of things big.

we will have to be focused,
we will have to stay positive,
it can crush our dreams,
and spill our sorrows.

we can beat the storm,
if we work together,
if we decide right rather than wrong,
and take only the risks that are actually worth taking.

Being away from her,
   is like taking medication.

      It's hard to swallow,
but it's good for you,
  and you know it can't get any worse.

      You know your capable of taking it,
and it's not worth the risk of not taking it.

I said I'll give you everything,
I will never expect you to do the same,
because that would be selfish,
and for anybody other than myself it would just be so strange.

But I kinda expected your gorgeous voice,
it's to beautiful for even me it seems,
but that is your choice,
it would be the greatest of gifts if you gave it to me.

'why do you do it,
you perhaps need to stop?!
you'll permanently damage your self!'

I'd reply,
'Nahh!'
What I ment was this...

'That's the idea,
It was once a punishment for a fat child,
who was to weak to look after himself.

Now it's still a punishment,
but this time for a weak man,
not strong enough to care for the one he loves.'

So it's been a year,
And what can I say,
Pictures and words,
But I can't see you today.

If I could say something,
It would be like this,
This one is for you,
The beauty I miss.

When we first met,
We just saw the cover,
We didn't turn the pages,
But I knew you wearn't like any other.

Now we have finished the chapter,
I have found many things deep inside,
I'll keep you safe from the depths,
Far past my death if I die.

I want to say thank you,
For leading me to the light,
For always being there for me,
And makeing me your knight.

I love you,
   Yours,
      I'll always be. X

I must have told her so many times,
The reasons why I chose her,
Some I can't explain,
For they are buried to deep in my heart,
But one I can tell is this.

I saw her cry,
Not childish tears,
But silent tears of helplessness,
My heart melted into streams,
Which ran to her huge ocean heart.

From that moment on,
I swore on my life to her,
I would see an end to the tears,
There is still more I can give,
My heart is not yet empty.

My heart has been melting ever since,
Maybe one day those deeper reasons,
Will spill out,
And turn the streams to rivers,
Then we'll build our world up from the flow.

My guide said,
Here is where the slaves would be wipped,
To see how strong they were.

How I wished I was one of them,
So I could feel on the outside,
What I felt on the inside.

So I could prove my strength,
So I could show the marks of my inside pain,
People would know.

That I only failed when life left me.

The man said,
'the first hint of fear,
Was when our eyes met'.

When I looked into the lion's eyes,
I saw a reflection of my life.

A withering animal,
Not strong enough to protect it's scarred sacred pray,
From the flying tourmenting monsters,
To high to reach.

Why?

We can all answer who,
What,
Where,
When,
And how.

Even if we don't want to.

But we can't always say why!

I would **** or die,
To find the answer to why,
If that's what it took.

Just why ?!

I wish,

   I found a way,
  
      to save the day,

when I can't stay,

   and you are away,

      for this I will always pray,

I strive to be there,

   come what may.

A few days ago,
my heart was torn out,
and put on the other side of the map.

   I know that no amount of exercise to prove I still have strength,
and no amount of praying,
good deeds,
   or sulking,
      is going to bring it running back.

   Yet I spend my days doing these things,
and my nights hugging my pillow close to my chest,
where my heart would normally be,
so here I am slowly dying in my shack.

Until it is attached,
I have no heart to give,
so I hope I'm on a good track.

   For my heart to come running back.

Like a wolf,
I crave for my pray,
I see her in the pale moon light,
She rests on a great plain,
She is exhausted,
My thirst for her blood is so savage,
I have tracked her from my home territory,
Her galloping was not enough,
I'm lurking in long dark grass,
The suspense is unbearable,
I long to pin her begging to the floor,
And sink my jaws into her throat.

As the sun set on the vast turf plains,
the last ride form the dense town came,
it was as if I could finally breath,
a precious place with no hurt,
the heaven of earth with no cares,
a breath of fresh air.

An Angel led me there,
So beautiful no normal man would dare,
to follow her from the hellish pits of the the town.
she took me by the hand,
and showed me the world through open eyes,
she gave me her gorgeous wings to fly.

We walked bare foot through the land of the dead where we did not disrespect,
as our toes touched the earth she taught me and the dead how to connect,
she showed me where life began,
where the creature crawled out of the sea,
the mud was a reminder,
of life's circles and the dead left behind me and her.

But this place was to sacred for me,
I knew I had to go back the the town where mortals should be,
the dark rider turned up early to take me away,
I longed to stay,
but I was dragged back to the pits,
just left with the haunting touch of our lips.

I'll be honest,
I'm scaired of you,
Not of your perthetic **** of a body,
But you are mentally intimidating,
You have the ability to manipulate people against me,
You believe you are mentally superior,
More popular,
More mature,
And you know I rely on you.

Tell me,
When I no longer rely on you,
And you make me lose my rag,
How superior will you be?
When I tear you limb from limb,
And there is nothing you can do,
You are helpless and hopeless,
Only then will you relise,
that you have made my life hell.

The wild beast,
paces up and down his window,
he is fully capable of jumping the fence,
but why doesn't he?

Is it because he knows his next meal is coming from the keepers?
Is it that he likes the attention from the terrified people looking in?
Is the reason that he is to naive to think of such a thing?
Is it he has no reason to and he doesn't know any better than just pacing?

Or could it be that he understands the terror of the keepers who would lose him?
He just wants peace and he knows there would be no freedom,
the keepers would always be right behind him,
so he has no choice but to pace in his man made cave.

Is it his origin?

His Physique?

  His mentality?

   His mannerisms?

    Or is it something deeper,
something harder to explain?

We all have a goal,
a mind as strong as the body,
or a body as strong as the mind,
few have both in this world.

That's right we do have them,
they don't hurt in the same way,
but they're a pain in the ***,
and they **** up my days!

Some of us get grumpy,
some of us get easily ******,
some of us get sulky,
and it normally equates to this!

I feel ****,
when my gorgeous girl is away,
call me ***** although I won't be labelled as a ******,
why can't my lovely just stay!

I have wondered for so long,
What makes me feel this way,
So traumatised by everything,
And it's like this everyday.

I use to be afraid of my family and friends dieing,
I use to feel sick in the morning,
I use to cry when the sunset,
I thought my dieing day was dawning.

Now all the small things are so big,
I have spazums and muscle tension,
I worry about the one I love and if she stays the one,
I fear in my future life there will be no redemption.

The nausea and diarrhoea still cling on,
I sometimes lose sleep,
My heart pounds and my eyes widen,
I growl and sometime shiver and weep.

I think I found it after all these years,
The experts call it GAD,
Am I right?
Will I ever be free?

I have heard it so many times,
I hate myself,
what is the point in living?
what is the meaning of life?
no matter how many theories, religions or scientific discoveries,
this question without fail cuts like a knife!
   This one is for all you people out there,
so you understand,
this is what we live for,
Mother Nature's species,
the man or woman.
   The meaning of life is finding the meaning for life,
without this we wouldn't exist,
a motive to drive us,
so be content with this.
   Our mother has made us this unexplainable beautiful way,
so we have a chance to live life to the full every single day,
look to solve your problems,
save your sanity,
for this mind is what she has given to humanity.
   This mind is unique and lush in everybody,
each individual has an view and a suited direction to go,
not everybody shows this so don't be deceived,
our goal in life is to achieve the pinnacle of what we can achieve,
you would do well do remember this,
when you're low you might need it,
who knows?

I love you,
I know I'm starting off so very vague,
for this word is not explainable in any other way.

   I will caress you form the shadows,
I will keep you from harm's way,
I will hold you,
I think of you throughout all of my days,
I have set on you,
I don't think of them the same way any more,
I want you to know,
you've got me forever,
I won't go!

   Your laid back outlook is a breath of fresh air,
your smell is to die for,
those other males wouldn't dare,
because they would lose their lives if I saw.

   I promised I wouldn't lie to you so this is how it is,
It isn't unconditional,
For this I feel so selfish,
Love me,
Trust me,
don't leave me,
I'm so sorry it's a lot to ask this.

   I will give my life to you,
this will be the last thing I do,
I would rather my heart pounded for you,
than you cut my heart in two.

The wisest of men once said to me,
if you are lonely amongst people,
you are probably bad company,
he also talked about the disease of consciousness,
how humans have given up their senses,
for a supposed superior mind,
which is best?
This man will soon die,
his outlook on life comes from,
isolation,
diabetes,
and cystic fibrosis,
I hope I can help his dreams to fly.

Thank you for everything,
Is what I should have said,
but I wasn't hard enough,
and now you are dead.

The last thing I said was,
look after your self won't you,
I gave you a hug,
but your strong clasp wouldn't do.

You said in return,
I'll hold on in here as long as I can,
I didn't know weather you were talking about,
your top floor flat or the withering man.

So I neglected you,
I wish you could see me now how I am,
my beautiful girl friend or my music,
or my good exams.

They said to me his body went before his mind,
he was wise on what was happening,
it wasn't a nice way to die,
they said they couldn't feed you with one of those baby bottle things.


You said he's got some strength,
that music I played at your funeral made it hard to stand,
it was my only way of proving it saying I'm sorry and thanks,
I wish you could see me now as a man.

I once had a dream,
of perfection,
a world in which I wasn't belittled,
where I was the pinnacle of evolution,
I wanted to show people a world where anything is possible,
if you put the effort in you can get it back out,
I wanted people to remember my story,
how a nervous weedy boy,
became a monster,
But little did I know if you damage yourself to change,
It will bite you in the ***,
give me a C,
I'll give you an A,
give me a motive,
I'll find a way,
give me a wish to change,
I'll give you,
potential infertility,
other neglect,
and anguish.

Am I a Man?
Or am I a boy?
Make the ******* choice!
You choose when it soots you.
responsibility!
Or Naive.
You know me as a son.
Not a person.
So you don't know whats right!
I can lawfully move out or have a ****** wife!
You lied and said you wouldn't live through your children's lives!
I will be here when you need me.
but I'm contemplating leaving.
perhaps you would appreciate me more if you couldn't see me.

All I know is this...

When what I hold closest to my heart,
Is in jeopardy,
he makes my organs fail to start,
my beast inside has many names,
but we like to call him Bertie.

In these times,
my body kills me before I **** my body,
the choice is no longer mine,
so i punish my body night after night,
for his torture I'll make him sorry.

So I know I have this choice,
to punish him **** my self or cut off what I care about most,
or there again I could respect his noises,
he is killing me,
to be protective of the love I hold closest.

There is a place,
in the corner of your eye,
in the shadow of a corner,
I only know now,
It's a place with no honour.

Where are you safe from the shadows?
the night,
where are you safe from the night?
the shade,
these places make the shadows jump in fright.

So we are the Night Shades,
those vibrant flowers,
we will protect you when there's no light,
we will poison the shadows,
alone we will still fight.

When I was a boy,
I was scared of the dark,
the deep endless black,
I am a Night Shade,
isn't it time the dark was scared back?

Potassium is my name,
I'm dangerous in open air,
so they hide me away in shame,
I'm light,
you can cut me,
but I am toxic,
explosive,
and very reactive,
and that's what's brought me to fame,
so if you remember one thing,
just one thing,
remember I burn with a Lilac flame.

I would run one thousand miles,
I would run a few,
if thats what it took to save you,
then that is what I'd do.

But the truth that always scares me,
is I can't save you from your fantasies,
I'm not strong enough,
If your depression becomes reality.

I am training,
In my head I am preparing,
for the day hell is raining,

to be a hero is my dream,
my head is swimming with unlimited lives,
there is so many futures I have seen,

In my head there are no boundaries,
I am the essence of power,
A tormented monster I will always be,

But sometimes all the worlds make a link,
I tense up and my eyes scatter,
The civillians don't know what to think,

maybe my heroic desire to fly,
will meet a cliff face,
and be my means to die.

My friend once said to me,
I like to have a full set of cards,
it makes me feel in control,
I said back,

that's because if you don't have the full set,
you don't know weather it's possible to play the game,
bellow the surface of the deck,
who knows what trouble you might find?

You will always be wondering weather that missing card,
makes you a winner or a loser,
will the queen of hearts have run away,
leaving you to rot?

We may not all want to know what lies deep in the pack,
but to be content,
we have to know,
to know weather the game is worth playing.

A *** in one hand,
some ***** in the other,
a syringe in your top pocket,
and tablets you stole from your brother,
it wouldn't matter your gender or your race,
I would have respected you for your face,
if there wasn't metal hanging from it,
or your body lashed with ******* lace,
and hair dye misused and misplaced,
your stomach hangs out form your top,
your head is so big it's about to pop,
your skinny arms do nothing but stop,
tattoos that make your base drop,
you are the most unattractive of the lot,
yet you are my friend,
so why do I care?

Because I will protect you,
and you will stare,
at my sinless life,
beyond comparison,
with more limited despair.

I would get down on one knee for you,
but instead I get down on two,
I have a greater need for you,
like no other human could.

You can make me weep,
you hinder my sleep,
you have destroyed my appetite for human meat,
at night I clench my pillow and my sheets.

You have a power beyond compare,
it's in the auburn highlights of your hair,
under the surface I've found it there,
and it's disguised by your smooth tinted skin.

There is something there deep inside,
so beautiful i cant describe,
to most it's unreadable in your eyes,
but me I'll love you till I die.

One third brown of the the earth,
two thirds green of the trees,
an amber twist is what I've seen,
you are the lady of my dreams.

I am waiting,
a mountain of might,
A belly of molten rock,
roaring and burning.

I am working,
for the world's discerning,
of my heart's yearning,
am I not worthy?

I want her back,
I swear I am earning,
of my extinguishing darling,
who holds back the thunder and lightning.

I am about to erupt,
the testosterone is flowing,
the gates of hell are about to open,
You better be running!

...Out of the corner of her eye,
a bolt split the endless blue horizon in two,
shattering Neptune's fork and sending the cold king cowering back to the depths,
A new day had Dawned,
and the sun endlessly wrapped her in his,
protective,
  Warm,
   Embrace.