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Blue R Lake Mar 2014
Seeking redemption in the shadows.
Flaunting forgiveness under street lights grown from a concrete jungle.
Fall on my knees muttering to deaf ears.
Searching for a kind soul to listen and share.
A comforting piece of mind while letting my insanity go ramped.
I took back self created anguish holding onto a 40oz of malted sorrows.
Slowly pouring into the misguided gutter that flows along  life.
Suppressed only in limitations put forth by another chewing on my heart.
Feeding my empty soul bites
of love.
Echo's back in regurgitated hate  only followed in silence.
Cold sweats and vivid dreams take over the mind.
As Illusions of a fix breaks my inhibitions.
Numbs my caged demons.
Into the depths I sink only to gasp for another  life bettering breath.
I just want to go back.
Back to a time of innocence and the honest laughter..
Blue R Lake Mar 2014
a Survivor with a Second chance not a wasted soul laying in the gutter.
Maybe letting go will forever be a challenge.
An addict for life, with  to a word of temptations.
All i Want is to be seen without my past maybe just on my merit.

Really can't  forget what i have seen in my using life. Im seen Intimidating to most, like a grizzly bear that stands six foot four.
I can only forgive because there is to much pain in holding onto anger.
Will always help those that surround me.
Chosen friends are usually seen as my real family.
Brought back to life multiple times only because I am loved.  
Won't judge another even if its socially acceptable. In my eyes its just unforgivable..
Selfless user that always got used for a honest heart...that won't go out and use again...
Blue R Lake Feb 2014
Black and white consumed my  integrity.
Would snack on my conscious prosperity.
Feeding off of the guilt that was trying to be hidden.
Playing awful games that ended in self inflicted corruption..
Being open minded has only been an advantage.
Self loathing and hatred fill my 40oz of malted sorrows.
Let it flow down the misguided gutter called my life..
Blue R Lake Sep 2014
Rusted spoon on the palm.
Reused rig in a flexed bend.
Eyes sealed as the body rides the waves to numb.
Exploring in a black hole until the E.M.T.s Narcan the rested soul.
Awake to find friends crying as
Swin want answers, doctors question suicide and loved ones just want to know why.
Unofficial discharged on my Lambor-feeties
No shoes, no shirt and a ten dollar cab, get me back to my own hell.
Blue R Lake Sep 2014
Fast was my pace.
My pace called life.
Speed balling
with a shown Mixture of hevan,
From a self made hell.
A Godess wave, that kept me well.
Numbed true feelings of
pain by trading my worth.
Such thoughts created
only in a tarnished youth.
Vibrations of glass
after her warm wave swept
head to toe.
Aspirations cut out with a ***** swoe.
Was Spun like a Clock
on a cooks trailer door.
Days to nights where
just black and white blurs.
Lost reality I
never quite grasped.
Sobriety,
only known in short blinks of my eyes.
A fairy tale.
Another hole riddled my cheese cloth vains.
A Godess hand,
caressed my face tuning it blue.
Another Over Dose
to end a neopolitine junkies tale that should have been through.
But a Gardian
NarCaned me back.
when I must have let go.
Punctured blow to the chest to release her grip.
Awake to mumble im fine.
Just to get slapped back down with truth.
The Time had come
to bring change.
To the fast pace,
The fast pace I called life.
Blue R Lake Mar 2014
Longing for her warm heart to beat next to my mine.
Wishing for her happiness to just come home.
If she goes out again.
I just cant go.
down that  road hope she's ok.
Dark  thoughts scare and brings me to insanity.
she won't start off small she'll just pick up where she left off.

I'm Wishing for happiness to just be ok.
Blue R Lake Feb 2014
My perception is damaged,
With a Rationalized mind,
Only becomes a muse for
the confused.
Watching Scattered thoughts
and blind actions.
Analyzing  the holes I've created
in my young tarnished soul.
Only to find Locked up dirt covered demons,
And  broken prosperous dreams
reside in me.
Down by the river remorse their
rests marked tombstones,
that badly read,
                         "Rest In peace,
                               ******
                    You witty mother fker!"
Its been Personally Witnessed only in silent reflections that heart stopping decisions took me in this direction.
Realizing I'm only fallowing tail lights, that is traveling down the wrong rode. " mark of the beast"route  666
Blue R Lake Sep 2014
Fallen brother
from a familiar gutter.
Lived more lives train hoping
then the normal man could ever.
Punk Rocked the free world and

If you looked close "Live free" was blasted on his knuckles.

Didn't give two ***** if anyone chuckled!
He Traveled the world to
open his eyes.
Found happiness on concrete or trees wrapped in blue sky's.

A decision he made
found old  fun,
it was Life threatening,
a loaded gun.
It ended his life
and I wish fate could be undone.
A life cut short hurts everyone.
So my heart goes out to all his loved ones still in shock who just want to turn back the *******  clock.
Blue R Lake Feb 2014
Your Old school trashed at a motel 6..
With Burn holes that marked your soul.
Marked for short living.
Covered in cuts and picked at scabs.
Afraid to leave your room with the Loud buzz of 3:43 am silence.
Filled with disgusting thoughts,
but you know its only paranoia.

Piece for a piece you claim unification.
Only stupidity with Scares you won't let heal.
change the life you have got.
Don't look through mirrors of past pains.
Don't stray to far,
from the pressure of reality.
Because Your To stubborn to take advise.
So never quiver in fear With Hands that raised chaos.
You picked this  suffering in this degrading empty shell.
Only guilt will pump through your Cheese cloth  veins.
Untrustworthy skills sown only with pains.
Time to change and Leave your room because loved ones don't know what to do..
Blue R Lake Feb 2014
All you can do is lie, on a burnt bridge.  
Had cried never again, but now your off feeling good once again.
Return only to cry in a ball in the bottom of my shower.
Asking for help because truthfully I care.
Voices tell me Forgiveness will come in clarity.
Self love will be true prosperity.
Look up again and understand.
I'm struggling in the same boat too and will never be considered normal again.
only holding fked up stories and looking at the old knife scars on my chest.
Blue R Lake Feb 2014
Fueling the fire from my past
I Fear today, like its my last.
new Past, old present.
True only to Me with malicious intent.
I know now struggles flipped, Altered, twisted,
while mind fed and lite up will cause more then its worth..
I just don't want to be a man about it and numb all this worth.

— The End —