Vaudevillian foes
Basking in the light of deceit
You shouldn't play with peoples hearts like that
You don't know what you've done
And while most was behind closed doors
I was there when it wasn't
And I stayed blue and true
And loyalty flowed from my broken body
Like blood, as I looked at you
And now that everything is said and done
I am the bad guy
For helping a friend

My God, what have I become
Willow tree walking around
Doing what's expected of me
I feel my body failing me
Like it wants me to let go
But I just want to be happy
And I'm not happy
And I don't know why
My God, what have I become
I told on someone for cheating
Because I value the truth
And now I have a target on my back
I can't stop lying to myself
And I don't know why I dreamed
About the creature in my room
But I turned my back
Because I'm too tired to care
I wake up tired
I can't sleep
I can't sleep
I can't sleep
I just want some ******* sleep
I don't even want to dream
Please just let me blackout for a few hours
I can barely keep my eyes open
I just want to sleep
Please

Melancholic thoughts in a hazy storm
Somewhere between
Knowing who you are
And what you want to do
Bleary dreams fill the night
Of times you never knew
Stories flutter in and out
Like the seagulls you used to see daily
***** and a flabby grey
Cawing at you when you try and rest
Translucent plans made to be opaque
Fill the speech around me
Lies upon lies
Houses of magnitude built upon
A crumbling foundation of dormancy
Acrid breaths flow as the night wears on
Until the shrill cry of the work clock
Wakes you from dreams
You would rather go back to
Then go back to being a gear
Mountain man as much as you can
Grizzled and survivable
But tame in patterns and behavior
Shame filled nights
Spent filling the liver full of death
And the lungs full of heaven
For you are not what you are
And you never can be
What you want to be
For you are weak in all the wrong ways

It's when the air left my lungs
And I had trouble bringing it back
Sitting in a room full of friends
Nearly passing out on the couch
And I actually didn't know
If I was going to wake up this time
Fighting for one more breath
I didn't want to die
Which is not a common thought
For someone like me
But more than that
I wanted to be happy
And when I felt one more breath fill
My weary lungs
I thought of all the little things
That I never got to do
That would have made me happy
And as the room swam around me
I realized that none of this things
Would have made me any happier
The only way to be happier
Is to just try and be happy
So goodbye
And thank you

So much fuel for the fire
The entire world is heating up
And everyone you destroy something
You can build it up bigger
(That's why I try and destroy me)
And it will be stronger this time
And maybe it's time for a shift
That so many assasinated people sought after
Maybe it's time for a brotherhood of man
Although I can never let go of my hatred
Or my inability to be in reality
I know some people can
And when I am gone
Shouldn't that be enough?

I used to stay up at night a lot
Wondering if all the people
Who knew about this
And who I am
In real life
Still read this
And know what I've become
But tonight
I'm wondering why I cared so much
In the first place

The sound of the party next door
Filled with the stench of **** and failure
(Filled with same people who look down
Their noses at me).
I've been struggling a lot lately
With if I want to be a doctor
I just want to feel like I belong
So the sands of time flow
And I get to flip the hourglass
Until my bones are greyer than my hair
And my skin is sullen with wax

I feel like i can't wright anything
That's just not complete ****