I hope i just didn't irreversibly **** everything up
what kinda question is that?
do i ******* like you
of course i ******* do
half these ****** things are about you
but i had to ******* spell it out for you
******* half veiled metaphors
did you figure it out now?
or were you sitting on it?
i knew you figured it out
i ******* knew it the second i saw you today
something in your **** eyes
but it wasn't rejection this time was it?
no, that'd be to ******* easy now wouldn't it?
no this time it was a maybe
a "things are good now, lets not change"
does that mean anything?
does that mean you do but you want to ease into it?
or that you don't and i'm just a friend
what the **** does that mean
please for the love of god tell me what you mean

You went home for the weekend
after the travesty that Thursday night was i cant really blame you
is the answer to my question on your mind?
i told you
out of everyone here
the one i was trying to protect was close to me
that he didn't want you to know that he's falling for you
hard
you asked me so many questions about him
and i answered half true every time
i still refuse to lie
you walked away angry and slightly disappointed
i'm sorry i couldn't tell you the one i was trying to protect
but i am close to me
and i think you know it was me
so you've gone home now
for a few days
i thought it'd be a nice break before you asked me
but now i'm on edge
i'm so ******* excited for what happens next
yes no
it never really mattered
just the fact that i tried
is close enough to good
so when i see you Monday
i'll continue this silly game
because it makes me smile
and i'm just delaying the inevitable

Just remember i didn't ask to play this game
you asked me too
i told you i was good at chess
you would use your bishops
my knights were short lived but important
i kept my rooks though
i lost both my bishops much to early
you asked me a question
i told you my answer
i put you in check
and i walked away
is the answer to your question
on your mind?

Its the second long looks that **** me
the wandering eyes in chemistry lecture
we locked eyes for what felt like nothing
it never would be long enough to reassure my mind
its always just enough to cause a panic attack
but never enough to make me stop
randomly
looking around
to just look in your eyes again
and not feel ******* nothing

Its slowly growing colder
colder colder colder
middle of summer
cloudy skies are brewing
this is the unnatural cold
the kind not associated with living through death
but by dying through living
this is the cold that wipes out armies
before they even march
this is the cold that princes fear
the cold that only comes from within us
the reaper is watching
he knows we won't last
not in this weather

Listen as grandpa never talks about the war
The stories he never wanted to tell
For a good reason
im sure this is why he hates my dad

hear the creaking of my grandmas hip
she couldn't even walk around the house
listen to here on the post surgery pain pills
rambling about the old days

hear my other grandma
recovering from chemo
she has a new lease on life
we all hope it wont come back

observe my uncle never being home
workaholic is just a word
but it slowly kills babies
growing up without fathers

listen to my sister
the immature brat
older than me
she's going to fail out of college

i never asked for these people
like so many other things i was born into it
we all have our vices
listen to me

I'm still not sure what color your eyes are
I never could bring myself to look a pretty girl in the eye
something about the fear of what I'd find
but eventually i always would
look them in the eye
and i'd see what i wanted
another person i didn't want to waste energy on
and thats a bad way to view people
I've done worse
ill do worse
but i'm afraid to look into your eyes
because you are different than them
you might be more of a sun than i am
thats the problems with small towns
they only need one sun
there is too many here
to many lights