Hold my hand as i fade away
not only from your memory
but from your very thoughts
that drove us together in the first place

And as I saw your eyes for the last time
I couldn't help but think of eons from now
and the significance of you eyes
to everything that is
and the insignificance of your eyes
to everything else

What does it mean to you?
An aperture is the greatest thing in the world
it lets us take a moment of time
and forever remember it
a soft click
and the looks on the faces
the lack of good graces
forever carried through
that small metal eye
It saved me
that it did
because know it gave me
the one thing i wanted more than anything else
a picture were you wern't happy

Blue was the color I was born with
Its in my eyes just as much as in my soul
I've always had something blue in my life
A blue car, a blue blanket
A blue scarf
I grew up you know?
And blue was my color
I see it when I look in the mirror
and not just in my eyes
Blue is the color of the ice chips
that seemed to be the only thing you gave
and like a man dying of thirst
I took that ice and lived on it
But that was in the past
Its summer now
isn't it?
So I don't need a scarf anymore
yes, I may have worn it before
and even now, i do
but that's not the blue life anymore
that's the adult flask i have
blue in everything but color
filled with the last of winters ice
I'd love to get drunk with you again winter
but you've left me here to melt away
I love you more than the seasons
and that's why my flask will remain unopened

I'm addicted to gambling my happiness
And I've fallen in love with the idea of winning
I'm the gambler
I'm not very good
I always have the option to win
But it's never the win I want
I would be fine losing all the time
If I won one time
But let the chips fall
The table spin
Put a drink in my hand
Maybe tonight I'll win something  other than money
Maybe I'll win something worth it

I felt my heart break today
No more of that sappy ****
I mean physically
I woke up, I had to study
And when I got up to take a break
My heart broke on half.
It hurts now.

Maybe it was becuase I was going online
Maybe it's becuase I havnt thought of you in a while
You break my heart in my head
And now I broke it in my body
I hate sappy ******* things
Especially those sad endings

All my journals
Filled with my words
Were the quilt that kept me warm
In those dark, dark nights
The friend who always listened
When no one else could
But life
And that basterd time
They kidnapped me
And as my head
was filled with a shadows web
Instead of water
The dust grew on my words
And I noticed
And I didn't want them to go
So I took them
And filled them with what I thought
Was the answer
I filled them with oil
Water doesn't help to get into college
And whether I was pushed or walked
Alone
I am at the top of the admissions list
But now
In the prime of the greatest challenge
My words found me
And they drowned me
So I read them
And they read me
And I can never let them go
As much as I want to

The more sober I'm not

The colder my body feels

To aware to know that I can't go

And get more blankets

But not aware enough to think of a better idea

The only things stopping the cold from taking me

The warm glow of the screen in front of me

One of my best friends in my darkest rooms

You gave me the outlet to see the new world

And I gave you my memories and words

You caused me to be cold

You let me

It's all my fault

I hate you

Because I hate me

You just couldn't let me go one night without seeing her picture, her new boyfriend, her awkward smile because she never loved him like she did me, but you made my heart cold and my head dumb and it's all my fault and I miss you and I messed up, so badly.

I love you so much


Because you loved me back