The shadows etched into the waters of fire and ice
One star
and one slice
Light the night

Is it my fault
that the sun rises every morning
and wakes me up from my cursed slumber

Is it my fault that I lift my legs with every ounce of courage
In hopes that it may be rewarded

Is it my fault I hurt so much inside

Do you take a breath before running across my mind?
Because at this point it's sprinting, maybe get some water?

It's time to go for a swim
In this deep blue ocean of ours

Where the sun lights the sea floor
And refracts the stars above

A retreat from the sands of tomorrow
An unattainable escape from today

For only birds have the ability to flee yesterday
And bathe in this sea of clarity

But if you stop in the moment
And feel the wind in your arms

One day
Maybe one day you´ll fly
To this deep blue ocean of ours
Our ocean in the sky

One month
Another failure
It's time to sleep today

One week
And I tried
It's time rest tonight

One day
I'll see
I have to try

One more day

One more night

I have my heart set
On topaz tinted clouds
Resting on a bed of pink rose retals

Nothing will stop me from reach them
Nothing

I'm not done
I'm not done
I'm not done

Repair my broken vessels
My muscles aching from pain
My mind melding
Isanity at my bedroom door

Fill me up
Keep me alive
Make the sweat worth it
Help me forget the tears

I'll sway under the moonlight
And dance with the reflection of your soul
Glimmering from waters of red
My dreams becoming distant phantoms

I failed
And it hurts
From the torso down
I can't feel my head
I haven't felt my heart for a few days now

A new monster fight
Right on New Year's Eve
But it's no time to give up
I know what I want is there

I just need to take it a step at a time

And push

To save my humanity
I'd construct walls
But tears don't lie to me

I'll let them tumble
Their rubble nurturing the surrounding flowers

Would I wish to stand
In a garden of pure flowers
Not burdened by my sins

To hide the indecencies
I'd shower myself in red
I wouldn't see the shriveled roses being left to dead

Yes but still, I'll save the blood I wish to spill
To color the flowers which lead me to a path unseen

A path soaked in red
Ending with light shining from azure skys

These clouds seem to move faster
When your heart is close to mine
They move in circles round and round
creating an illusion of paradise

The blue we share hasn't changed it's tint
The love we share hasn't lost it's color
My mind still sings songs of us
Living in our sky with no other

The iridescent color of your eyes
I wanted your love so badly

The sage green of the land
With the azure blue of the sky
We'd meet at the horizon
And smile through the night

I'm sorry, Kylee
I really am

I wish I was different
I wish the sage green penetrated my heart

I wish we went on that date
I wish I could hold you at night

I wish I could groom your hair
I wish you would groom mine

I wish we kindled the sparks
and created a bonfire of love

I wish we spent more time
I wish we spent less

I wish you would've given me a chance

I gave everything just to dance with you
But the sage green smile of yours
With sunflowers in your eyes
And aspirations of a brighter future

One without me

I'm sorry

I wish things were different
I wish I was able to love you
Given that chance
Finally I could expieriance romance

When the sun comes we'll say our greetings
As the clouds dissipate from my view
A clear blue sky

In the fall leaves I made it known
In the winter snow I let it show
In the spring flowers I thought it died
In the summer breeze I finally cried

I'll forever search
for the warmth of the light
the one glinting off your eyes

I'll forever chase the warmth of the sky
The one we talked, loved, and kissed under
before the start of the night

But when the sun leaves we'll say our goodbyes
As the clouds sway under the moon
Our dreams becoming distant phantoms

The memories of that bench
Shone in the light

Relying on the warm winds I felt when you hugged me
To say goodbye one final time

My heart emanates a bright glow
It's hole pouring that light all around me


What does it long for
A shadow or another light?


With my light, I could illuminate the shadow
Give it warmth that it so longed for

Or, with a light, I could finally seal a part of the hole
So there would be an equivalent exchange of warmth

Or am I the shadow?
All I look at are others
There light entrancing me like the beauty of a star
Maybe I don't radiate an ounce of light
I'm just in a futile attempt to siphon the radiance of others

Am I trapped in a hell where no light is right for me?
Or in a hell where no shadow is?

No
Stop

No amount of darkness could stop you to see
No amount of light could blind you

Just take it one step at a time
Life is rarely black and white

There's so many different colors radiating from everyone
We're all in this collage of pastels, both dark and light

Don't let this dredge of darkness and light make you lose sight

I kept looking
Behind the crooked tree
Arched over my dreams
Where only birds can vivist

I keep seeing
The blue ocean
Behind the gateway
To my peace


I keep dreaming
Of an ever flowing grass land
On the otherside of the gateway

But in these dreams I can't find my love
I forgot to look in the skies above

You didn't ask for this relationship
I did
You didn't want a romance
I did
You wanted it to be casual
I couldn't
I would say you want to be friends
but I don't know if you do

My first mistake
I went into our friendship with romance in my eyes

My second mistake
I didn't let my feelings die that night

I dreamt of you the day I wanted to sever that connection
My head hurts
There's a pressure in my mind
Is this what our friendship is supposed to feel like?

I can't ask anything from anyone, in the end it's their life but still
Do you value our friendship? Or is it an obligation
Do you care about me? Or am I just another person in this world
Do you enjoy my company? Or am I just another part of your anxiety

If you do value me, then we can rebuild
But if you don't, then I don't know

I don't know

Your outta my mind
But come back in anytime
The door is always open

My heart is vacant
But rent a room for a few days
It'll be short but fulfilling

The lights don't work
I've lost all my energy
But there's a lot of room

So spend the night
The door is unlocked
Not that there was a lock to begin with, or a key to open it

What if the stars fell down tonight?
And we caught them flying around?
Blinking and signalling
Like fireflies
Joyfully dancing
In a crystal blanketed night

I sit down in my workspace
With dread on my mind
I'm exhausted beyond belief
But to give up would be out of line

A memory creeps up from behind
Sensing my pain
A storm of happiness emerged
To brighten my day

The call is on
This storm's force is getting strong
It'll help me break the weather
And keep me together

The storm grows, and water flows
From my eyes down to my nose

I really forgot why I was still running, still running, still running

Go
My brain says
Go
This storm
will grow


With the speed of the wind
And a strength like thunder

Go
This storm will
Grow
So I have to follow

This storm will
Grow
So I have to follow

This storm caused a grin
a grin like no other

Go
This storm will
Grow
So I have to follow

This storm will
Grow
So I have to follow

This storm will
Grow
So I have to follow

This storm will
Grow
So I have to follow


The storm left me even though I ran after it, but not without
leaving me with a smile, and possibly a flood warning for my eyes 0.0

Despite the title
I'm made with blue berries
That bleed a red hue
Into the sea

Leave me drowing in the whirlpool of blades
Add sugar, creamer, and milk to celebrate my defeat

Against the blades I stand, I see a red leave my body
But the red turns to pink as it touches the sea

The crowd cheers for the strawberry milk
But only blueberries know the blood polluting the sea

There's no soul to share my burden yet
Just me and the streetlights
I'm walking without another
Just me and the streetlights

The moon and stars have left me again
Just me and the streetlights
I feel so alone
Just me and the streetlights

The strength the push
The strength to absolve
These mountain I find in my path

A protein shake
And some running shoes
A fire left for dead

Kindling
One by one
Steps
One foot in front of the other
By the end of May you will find

A strength like no other

The wind in my hair
The stars in my eyes
The sun in my arms
The moon by my side

There’s no light in sight
My hearts a gaping hole
And yet I pour everything
My time, my life, my soul

This journey in my rocket ship
With two chairs
In one chair I sit
While the vacant one I stare

No cosmic event could take my eyes off of you
No intergalactic spectacle could stop me from loving you

My sunflower
Sitting at the top of a hill
Millions of light years away
From me, my willow tree, and my moon

We tried

With this flower we cultivated

Doused it in yellow paint
Glued sunflower seeds on it
Stapled green leaves
Taped yellow petals

But it's smell
It's not it
It's not what I'm looking for
No matter how well the disguise may look

It's just not right
Maybe we should accept it for what it is
It's not a sunflower, but a pretty flower nonetheless

I'll enjoy this flower's scent still, but let's take this facade off together

And I can see the blood soaked battlefield
My pruned fingers soaked from a thousand years of anxiety
Squeezed out like a sponge to rain over the landscape

But the sun's out
And the sky has never been clearer
I'm 100 years older, but still so young
I'll add another ring around my eye
And smile about today

Take off my clothes
drenched in sweat

Take off my glasses
So I can't see myself in the mirror

Take off from this planet
On a rocket ship
Alone

The thumping harmonious with the message of the bees
Love is in the air
Pollen is in the sky
I'm sneezing, I'm loving
A new light to chase

Can I get a kiss?
Can you make it last forver?
Im about to go to war
If I dont see you again

It's happening again
I can feel it in my bones

The grass is swaying
The trees are shaking
From my window I can see
Figures roaming in the sky

I want to dream
I want to believe
I can put everything
Into this lie

It's not a clear sky
But sunny nonetheless
The deep blue bathes the clouds
That continue to swim

Into a pool of dreams, devoid of any worry
High above the confusion and the gravity of my decisions

If it only it was easier, life would be better
But I can't stop moving because the winds not in my favor
I'll follow it and see where it takes me
And hopefully the destination will be worth it

But if not, that's okay
I'll continue to walk as long as clouds still move

The bustling city life
Only brings the death like traits in us all
But when it rains
I escape to my grotto

Nestled in a park of the city
It holds a shrine, a pond, and my peace

The rain trickles down the trees
where ripples disturb the sleeping pond

That's when I met her

Everyday it rained
I met her

Everyday it didn't
I thought of her

Everyday became the rainy days, while sunny days no longer held the same warmth

All that mattered was the garden
Were only words were spoken
Not words of our lives
Not words of our worries
But words of our hope

She was the only comfort
But summertime came

I worked every night, and tried to detach myself from her
But I couldn't
I couldn't

It was still sunny, but I didn't care

I went to the garden
She was there

There were no words to be said
Only my love to be heard

Thunder clashed with the atmosphere
And drove us home

We enjoyed this temporary happiness
Free of society, of worry, of thought
We only spoke words after all
There was no thought behind it
Only feeling
And with all my feeling I said those 3 words

"I love you"

Thunder reemerged
Happiness scuttled away
I changed, and left
I stood at those stairs

With sadness, anger, and loneliness
I know we couldn't be my mind repeated

Before I could change the words in my head
She called for me and stared at me with those sad eyes

"I hate you"

"Why don't you say what your feeling"
"What do you think will change"
"I hate you"
"I hate you"

Before I could say three words, she ran and hugged me with all her feelings. I forgot my words. I forgot my feelings. In one instant I understood her pain and sorrow. "You saved me, thank you"


It's winter now, my grotto lay barren
The trees no longer hold water droplets to be passed onto the pond
But I still remember her

In our garden of words
Were no real word was spoken
But real feelings clashed
Were thunder sang, and trees danced

Were rain was the bridge between two humans and their happiness

I always wonder how she is doing but I hold one thought to my heart

That someday it'll rain

I´m walking down this dark space
above me the sun
below me the moon

In the sun, a grassy hill sits
with intertwined sunflowers bathing

In the moon, an iced over ocean emerged
With frozen blue roses sprouting from the cracks

But I'm neither here or there
I walk on this tightrope between two realities
covered in darkness, absent of love

I used to cry in the heat
Now I´m suffering in the cold
I use to drown in the water
Now I´m dying from thirst

In my 4 dimensional sun lies my love
In my 3 dimensional moon lies my longing
And in my 2 dimensional mind lies my loneliness

This goes for a time
When days felt short
The minutes felt long
Outside our porch

This goes for a time
When trees stood still
When eyes were locked
And lips touched

This goes for a time
Sleepless nights
A giggle in the morning
A lie in the night

This goes for a minute
A second
Just a second
Please

The sun risen
The sand crushed between my feet
Sprouted from the ocean
A blossom of clouds
Holding the sun captive

I'm not even half way up

Outside my window
Two stars stare
They laugh and gloat
For being so bright

But when they look next to eachother
They see an abyss of black
Billions of light years away
From each other

I wish I could laugh
But I'm farther
trillion of light years
away from you

Slowing things down
Sticking to my mind
Causing this anxiety

Covering the sun
With clouds of uncertainty
that lie about reality

Against the machine
Against myself

Against all that I believe and doubt

My heart strings it tugs
It tries to unplug

Everything that I care about

So maybe all I need is a little grit and salt
A therapist could be something

I'll pull the rug, right under this slug
And shrug like it was nothing

I'm dreading but I'm still fighting
My muscles are aching and my brain is dying
These protein shakes signify my self improvement
But I hate myself more everytime

The led is sticking to my finger
The ink spreads across my hands
You expect a beautiful drawing of colors
But I only have sweat, tears, and blood to draw with dad

I dreamt of a guy
He was bright, cheerful, as pretty as the moon
I met him at school and we started to talk

We laughed
We flirted
and then we eventually kissed

But at that moment he left
and you came back

I pushed you away, why do you keep coming back
I regret it, why can't I forget it

I just want to dream in happiness
But not even my mind is safe

What do I do?

I keep thinking what I did wrong
I keep thinking what I could have done better
I keep thinking of a different reality
One where you and I actually happened

I'm sorry

I know you don't want this
But I can't control how I'm feeling, how I'm thinking

and how I'm dreaming

I thought of a girl
She was confident, thoughtful, and a smile as bright as the sun
I met her at school and we started to talk

We laughed
We flirted
And we eventually kissed

But she, like all figments of my imagination, left
And you came back

What do I do
What do I do
What do I do






What can I do?

Keep my nose down
Lift my chin up
Smile a half smile
Breath
Just Breath

Where did you run off
Summertime and fall, Summertime and fall

When did you turn back
Back and back again, Back and back again

Why did it go wrong
Winter nights and spring, Winter nights and spring

How could I have known
What you mean to me, What you mean to me

This butterfly moon
And these three lonely stars
Try to guide me

I've lost my will to follow today
My vision slowly erodes
Sunflowers seem so dim at night

There's a fire outside
It's smoke can be seen between the leaves
The light smolders the sky
And depicts a most beautiful scene
Of peace, love, anger, and hope
All through the windows that the shadows leave behind

Naaaa naa na na na na
Naaaa naaaa naaa
Naaaaa naa na na na na
Naaaa naa na



I'd say, that I didn't care anyway
What your love could
mean
to
me
today