The waves crash and the birds fly
Farther and farther away from me.
The wind softly sings;
"Follow them".

I will never use
"Im so lucky"
As a reason for my success
Ever again.
My only reason now is,
Because I wanted to.

My organs twist and turn until they settle into one big knot, blocking any chance I had at comfort.

15 days until the death of my ego and I can feel her clawing up my insides, desperately hoping I will choke her up, and back out my throat.

I have a little girl inside of me named shame.
She was raised by people who didn't understand how to love.

When she gets loud - I hold her, and tell her that her bad days and hurt aren't what make her whole. It is all about us and our heart, and nurturing it while we grow.

The dark parts of me always come out at night, they haunt my sleep and make it impossible to soak up the rest I desperately need.
I don't even believe in ghosts.
And yet whenever I start to feel safe
These things, they sense it.
And they wrap themselves around me
So tight.

I am the middle child,
Stuck between the naivety
Of nostalgia,
And the hardness
Of trauma.
The biggest problem is -
Both pull me backwards.