Intuitively, I knew his words,
before my father spoke.
Your mother's left us, he whispers.
Left you, I dared to scream out loud.
My young boy's heart
aching, silently breaking.
You had disappeared,
without a trace.
It was not an easy trick,
but one well executed.
Knowing this was your pathway
from his alcoholic pain,
offered me no solace.
Slowly, I became his caretaker,
watching whiskey and
women come and go;
leaving life shabby and chaotic.
Regarding my world with
expectations of perfection,
I became the judge and jury
for myself and others.
Always longing - but fearful to connect,
I stayed safe on life's sidelines.
Dissociate or deny –
Never acknowledge any pain,
Duck and cover from the shame –
That became my coping game.
As time went on
I grew up strong,
but my heart stayed
just the same.
Must I always pay
this price for losing you….
According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, alcoholism affects about 18 million adults in the U.S. Approximately 26.8 million children are exposed to alcoholism in the family and 6.6 million children age 18 and younger live in households with at least one alcoholic parent. Many children of alcoholics, often referred to as Adult COAs. COA's live in homes filled with stress, financial hardship, instability, neglect, and violence. Unfortunately, these vulnerable youth often struggle academically, behaviorally and emotionally. Children living in this environment may run the gamut of feelings such as anger, embarrassment, shame and most of all hurt. They can also develop insecurities that can lead to emotional scars that they carry well into adulthood.
If you are an alcoholic parent, please get help -- Your child needs a relationship with you. Just as you will need professional help, so will your child. COAs need to attend counseling and/or join support groups to help them cope with the trauma of alcoholism.