As you know, I come from an emotional, dysfunctional delusion
A sort of internal, infernal, disowning confusion
This pain is sempiternal, but I'm a dynamite with the fuse lit
I’m not gonna complain again, cause that’d be useless
I mean it’s not like she’d ever hear the words that I say it's
As if I never spoke them, oh god I'm nuisance

I'm so pessimistic
It's really pathetic
To watch me **** myself over a few sad sentences
I'm so narcissistic
It's really poetic
To tie the knots on my noose with my own words

Before I die though
I'll go on the aggressive
With some passive resistance
Because I'm honestly quite sick of all this constant *******
Call me Ghandi and I'll be quick to dismiss it
Unlike him, I know when I'm through being messed with
And I don't let people step on me like I'm a rug on their doorstep
Unlike me, he's not over possessive
And people didn't call him out for being over obsessive
But we both fight for what we think is right
Except he teaches on the lesson
While I'm kind of offensive
And the amount of times I swear is a little over excessive
But It helps get the point across to these ******* thick headed dimwits
So I can see how I'm not one they'd be impressed with
You know who you are when I'm this far on the defensive
I'm just a little over protective
There's no limit to how much I can stress it
You'd be my way too if you were looking from my perspective.
Because what if all of the sudden
Like a flame in the kitchen
Something you thought was normal grew into something that isn't
Because they only listen
When there is no way of saving
And only when you die do they even look what you've written
Poem after song and song after poem
I'm so sick of all these words unspoken
But I'll let out all my thoughts and that is a promise
So look me in the eyes and I'll be honest

You’re the reason that I daydream
Because you’re the reason that I can’t sleep
And I just can’t help myself
When this old comfy bed becomes a cell

When I lay awake at night
With both of my eyes open wide

Why are you the only one I see
When you aren’t even lying next to me
And even if I know
I’ll keep searching in shadows

They wonder what it’s like
To see shadows where there should be light
Like crystals to the mid-day sun
I could shine bright and I’d still be dull

As I lay awake tonight
With both of my eyes open wide

Why are you the only one I see
When you aren’t even lying next to me
And even if I know
I’ll keep searching in the shadows

Tomorrow I hope I’ll be fine
I’m still searching for my peace of mind
Maybe if I get some rest tonight
I’ll see it was right in front of my eyes

Don’t think about it for too long
This might start to look like a love song

Sorry, but I’m too lost for you to find
Pal, I’m sorry for being so blind

Why are you the only one I see
When you aren’t even lying next to me
And even if I know
I’ll keep searching in the shadows

I know now, I do miss you when you’re gone.

It's up to us to make the first step
To be the change we wish to see
So please forgive me
If I choose to yell when I speak
Because I believe that only with force
Can we teach each other
The world is not as scary as you think

I don't think you'll ever get the reasons that I stayed
I don't think you'll comprehend the decisions I have made
Sure I have taken hits, but as you see I've survived
So I refuse to fall down now and say that I have died
I'm so one sided when it really counts
And it's just a habit that I can't break now
I'd say it all, if I only knew how
And if I spoke, you wouldn't hear a sound
So if I decided this'd be my last?
How fast would you get here to make today last?

You sat there and laughed at every joke I told. I smiled with when I saw the crinkling of your nose. I'm surprised that I was able to talk with my stomach full of roses. I can't write angrily anymore. Now I just sit upstairs alone and lock my door. Maybe one day I'll use up all the air in here. You can't scare me, I've got nothing to fear. Nothing to lose. No one around to loosen the noose I tied myself to hang from the roof, but I can't stand the sight of you. The one in the reflection. I see myself by day and night, as a constant contradiction with a worsening condition of my overwhelming confliction of emotion. It ***** that I hold on to every word you say. Because no matter who it is, you'll treat the next one the same way. So let me be the next one, cause you're the only one I wanted today.

No, I'm not the way I used to be, and I never will be again. So **** it all when I have is some friends, and I never understood why I wanted them then, but now that I have them I'll do what I can to never be lonely again. I'm afraid. You know what I'm thinking. Destroy these thoughts with a bullet through the brain like Lincoln and maybe then people would look at what I've written, these hard hitting second meanings. You think all I write about is my heart breaking, aching and writhing pain. Rage is only a second to a deeper thought.