Its november and i see you,
Every night in my dreams,
Bringing back the torture,
Bringing back the old me,
Everyone wants happy,
Smiles and laughs,
But my insides are ripping,
My body in half,
Like an operation,
Heart transplant gone wrong,
I have a giant hole in my chest,
Where you used to belong,
Someone stabbed me with an ice pick,
But i didnt feel much,
Because theres nothing but a heart of stone,
Since the day you left.
-Bee-

I cant fight my inner dementors,
While the weather gets colder,
I want to scream until my lungs dont function anymore,
I want to cry into a pillow,
But these four little terrors,
Keep staring at me,
With beedy eyes,
And needy lives,
From changing diapers,
To the constant fighting,
And school being out,
So all day, they're together,
The screams, the crying,
The kicking, the biting,
Driving me mad,
I want five minutes alone,
To fight with my head,
But daddy comes home after they're in bed,
My anxiety levels get higher each day,
And february gets nearer,
Is it to late to change,
I really want to run away,
Or burn myself,
It used to help with the pain,
'See a shrink',
Thats what everyone is saying,
But i cant even *** alone,
Where am i supposed to get an hour?
-Bee-

They scream louder,
My chest feels heavier,
My thoughts are scrambled,
Breathing is harder,
Tuck my head between my legs,
But that doesn't help,
Black dots in my eyes,
My heart beats faster.

I need to calm down,
The feeling is coming,
The rushing pain in my chest,
Where is my lighter?

Hide in the bathroom,
Lighter is red,
Fire been burning,
About 3 minutes,
Press it to my skin,
Feeling it sizzle,
My chest releases a little.

Have to hide the marks,
No one can know,
Always on my wrist,
Got a nice scar,
Everytime i do it,
Always the same spot,
My 'Vampire bites',
On my wrist it is.
-Bee-

Drowning in this cloud,
Smoke smothering me,
Water beneath me,
Small shallow breaths,
Choking myself with each one,
Vision blurring,
Body is burning,
If I sit up I will burn to death,
But if I lay down I will drown,
So I stay in between.
-Bee

Trapped in a windowless cage,
No bars or doors,
A personal form of torture,
Inside my head,
Need an escape,
But no where to go,
A burn on my leg,
A scream in my throat,
Release my demons,
With a sickening thud,
My chest gets tighter,
Eyes roll into my head,
"Pop some xanex and smile",
The Dr said,
But no one knows,
About this windowless cage,
Inside of me.
-Bee-

My chest hurts,
My eyes sting,
I want to cry,
But you can't see a thing,
No where to hide,
So I hold it in.

Yelled at you earlier,
Didn't mean to,
But the words I spoke,
We're truer than true.

I just need space,
And air to breathe,
A hole to cry in,
Would be nice too.

Can you just try,
To understand,
And help me,
Just one day?
-Bee-

I failed,
As a daughter,
As a wife,
As a mother,
You had dreams for me,
And I ****** them all up.

When we first got together,
Everyone said,
"Your mom knew it,
She would be happy about it".

But mom I failed,
My love wasn't enough,
Your dreams for me broken,
Like my heart,
Shattered.

All I could do,
Wasn't enough,
I failed you both,
Because I wasn't enough.
-Bee-