I haven't been
Doing very well
These past few weeks

And part of me thought
I was over this;
This never ending
Sadness

But it came
Creeping back up
Because I always
Let things get to me
And they just can't seem
To leave well enough
Alone

Because I've become
Sadder than ever
And it's like
My heart has been replaced
With this black hole
Slowly ******* me in

And somehow
You don't seem to notice
Or,
Maybe you try to
Ignore it

But you're the man
Who raised me
Who has been by my side
Through thick
And thin

So I don't understand
How you could not see
That your little girl
Is slowly
Dying.

-e.w.

The only reason
That I am still
Barely breathing
Is so that you won't
Be disappointed
If I ever were
To leave
Because in my mind
Disappointment is far worse
Than the meanest anger
Or the depressing sadness
Because the only thing
That I have left
Is what people think about
Me.
So I want to be
Honest and kind
And someone who
Someone else
Is proud of
Because in my mind
That is the
Greatest honor.

So please know
That if I ever
Were to leave

Please do not be
Disappointed
Or I may be
Even sadder
Lying six feet
Under.

-e.w.

I hate
Every inch
Of this *******
Skin
That I live
In

And that's why
If you talk to me
Late into the horrible,
Terrifying
Nights

My face will be
Streamed with
Black lines

As my cheeks
Are as red
As the liquid
Dripping from my
Innocent wrists.

-e.w.

I often think
About how much strength
It would take
To leave this world
With that tan rope
Lying in my
Garage

Or maybe
That black
Revolver
Hidden not so carefully
In the basement

Or maybe
It's just as easy
To open up
Those brown
Cabinet doors
And reach my hand in
To grab
The big bottle
Of beautiful
Pills

But most days
I am far too
Weak
To do any
Of these options

But some days
I have all the
Strength
In the world
And could easily
Just get up and
Leave.

-e.w.

I'm having one of those
Days,
Weeks,
Months,
Years.

Because nothing
Seems to help
Anymore

Because nothing
Seems to make me
Happy

Because like I've said
A million times
And I'll say it
A million more

I am in this
Pit of depression
Where I am stuck
Without a ladder,
Rope,
Or even a hand
To bring me back
To the
Surface.

-e.w.

I have this horrible feeling
Deep inside my
Stomach
That without me
You might do something
Drastic
And without you
I'm feeling
Like I may do the
Same

Because you're my
Bestest friend
In the entire
World
And I'm so sorry
That I moved
To another stupid state
Just 3 hours
Away from you

Because it's so hard
For me
To see you like this
And I feel like
It's all my fault
Because I left
When I feel like
Without you
I may attempt
To be gone
Forever.

-e.w.

I hate  
When people
Make these rude
Comments like
"Anxiety isn't a big
deal. Just be
calm."
Or,
"Depression isn't real,
You just need to be
happy."
Or,
"Mental illness' are just
excuses for lazy
people."

Because these people
Don't understand
How terrible
Anxiety can be
And how it can leave you
Paralyzed.

Or how monstrous
Depression can be
And how
The demons will visit
Late into the
Night
Or even say hello
When the sun
Is still in the
Sky

Or how
Any mental illness
Can leave you
Shaking to the
Bone
Or crying
All the time
Or leaving you
Feeling like no one
Cares.

Because it's not just an
"Excuse."

-e.w.

Erased, eradicated, wiped clean away
That is how I am wishing I was today
No more sorrow, hurt, anguish or pain
No more heartbreak for me again

I tried to explain and do what’s right
Never wanting it to be a fight
I only ever had your health at heart
Now it is the cause of our being apart

A mother’s love is unconditional and true
All I ever tried to give to you
Tossed back at me like yesterday’s news
Beaten, crushed, my heart a bruise

So have your wish and be let free
No more input or advice from me
To live your life as you desire
From this battle I will retire

But just remember as years go by
I wasn’t always the only bad guy
Take time to think and maybe reflect
About my love you chose to reject

So I wish you well and pray for success
A life of joy and free from stress
Be happy and healthy and always take care
Be true to yourself, honest and fair

That was it,
my greatest fear,
bringing my greatest tear,
a old man unable to keep his hands still,
there is no cure, no pill,
to make it stop,
he stood there unable to stop the shaking,
unable to to be the one faking,
its getting worse and I can feel it,
I can see not being able to write a little bit,
and I am terrified.
My future standing in front of me,
like seeing an island when out to sea,
I know I will get there,
so I keep my hopes up and down I stare,
at the man who can't stop or grip a pen,
there is a now and always a then,
and my fate of being unable to do,
wishing to stop and feel new,
but I have to accept,
I'll be that old man too