I have decided my fate. I knew this the moment I chose to leave you behind. A part of me knows it’s for the better, but the other part, the one that knows me best, knows that’s a lie. For a split second I smell you in the sheets of my bed, stained by your presence, no matter how many times I wash them. You are a piece of me that I will always carry. I’m stuck in constant state of letting go and holding on. The second I let go I know it will be over for good. It’s like a coin tossed into the air, but it never lands. It’s forever in an endless cycle of choosing, even though it has no intention of falling. Heads or Tails, I lose either way.

I will wait for you. I will wait for you until the sun swallows me whole for staring too long while daydreaming of the life we could have together. I will wait for you until they come to collect my rotting corpse wearing the only clothes you left behind that I will never get rid of. I will wait for you until the bones in my fingertips can no longer recall what it felt like to caress your face in the night while you slept. I will wait for you until my legs are unable to move from the last place you said I love you. I will wait for you until my brain can’t remember the way you said my name and how sweetly it sounded in earliest morning after we had just woken up. I will wait for you until there is nothing left of me. And even then, when others come to visit my grave they will see a girl who loved a boy so true to her core that she would wait for him always, even after death. So I will wait for you, because you are what brings me life, even when it’s over.