I had a vision last night of a man saved from a horrible disaster.
He lost all things cherished through his eyes in this world; his home, his wife, his newborn baby girl.
There are times when we make it through something so terrible and so disastrous that we cant help but stop and wonder why we survived.
I pictured God far in the ever looking down and nodding his head in unknowable reason while the man wept and wept, asking why.

I saw the man envision the same God and the same nodding but grew angry at the aspect that he survived for a purpose while the blood and soulless forms of the dearly departed laid under his trembling hands.
"You left me alive for a purpose? To what, change the world? Bring peace? Perhaps become an instrument for goodness on this spinning orb of wickedness and woe?" He whispered to the dirt.
"Ill show you purpose.''

Years flashed in seconds as I watched the man become an instrument of evil and sadness.
Drinking a rotten liver to death and bringing misery to all who dared to cross his path.
He died many years later in a broken down home that held nothing but loneliness and a tattered photo of a smiling family ****** by an unseen force and the scent of broken men.

Then my vision altered slightly and the figure of God nodding softly distorted and fell into darkness of an angel of light nodding casually with the the smirk of business lying on his face.

If we control this world, it is at the whims of a force we cannot comprehend and the will we feel flowing through are veins can be harnessed if given the smallest push into the always patient void.

I want to be a thieving rogue who hunts behind curtains for treasured "gold".
I want to take
and grab
and ******;
a hooded figure no lawman can catch.
They'll search for me beyond the seas while I am just grinning in a tree ,
waiting for the alarm to give up the fight so I can vanish into the night.
But please, dear friend,  don't make the mistake and assume you know the treasure I crave,
for no diamonds are twinkling behind the eyes of the mischievous hunter,
this garish knave.
This thieving soul wants only to steal the hearts of those, chained to their woes, and all other torturous lingering foes.

So quickly I'll sneak and risk you away;
then show you, perhaps, a different view.
So tell me.
Will you
let me steal you?

The pillow acts out legends
and my eyelids sing sweet nothings.
The sandman dances slowly and the sunlight waits in patience.
I set adrift a bottled message in strange waters as I drift away.
"Send me wishes,
send me dreams,
send me jesters dressed as kings.
They'll find me soaring through
the night o'er moonlight highways on sleepy wings."

Last night was such an amazing night. I saw a Shakespeare play and the life on stage stirred something in me. Something beautiful that I forget exist sometimes and hits me like deja vu or the vague memory of a half remembered dream.
Later on I went and drank with friends and sang karaoke and laughed and smiled.  I didn't go to sleep till late and I had an amazing time.
Today was solitary mostly and now I am having a cigar and reading at this park off base I adore. I stopped and looked around me at the kids playing and dogs running and the sky was so beautiful while the sun set and I looked up into the vastness and felt so small. I tired looking past the sky into space and to the stars and the moon and I wonder why we worry about such petty things such as bills or a broken heart while the universe is so infinite and chaotic, absolutely beautiful. I feel so small and in that moment I feel so... meaningful.  The fact that I am on this green orb full of music and full of laughter floating in a vast sea of light and wonder makes me stop and makes my heart beat softly like a drum beat playing softly in a sleeping jungle. Like a lonely candle shining in the dark.