A jar of tears
A handful of sorrowful years

Cried so many rivers
Body chock full of slivers

I can't stop the weeping
I can't stop the bleeding

A scratch never finds the itch
A cry never finds the reason

They say you put your partner first
I say I could never
Not because I'm selfish
But because I don't need a servant
Everything should be done together
Done in harmony
Not give and take
I don't want to cause strain
On what we built
Thats how most of those stories
End in collapse and crumbles

If I had less time
Could you or would you
Love me for the rest of it

If I met you in the afterlife
Could you or would you
Even try to find me

And deep down I know
You could but wouldn't
But I have to ask what if

I would douse myself in kerosene
Just for you to look my way
I would jump off a building
Just so you see how I'm falling for you
I would lose everything I own
Just to show I need nothing else

Feel my body failing
Look at my hands and
They aren't even mine
Writing all these words
Stare at the paper and
They aren't even mine

my defense mechanisms
have not defended anything
they have only hurt others
and led me astray

i feel like i have to justify
everything about me
to anyone who questions
and its getting obstructive

you seem so far from this
cause ive shut you out
and now youre hurting
as i sequester myself

for hours
i could lay here
staring at your structure
high cheekbones
that only the gentlest of hands
could caress and not get cut
you could lay here
for hours

I am the illusion
Of the man you want me to be
And the delusion
Of the man that I see
Not sure of who I am
But I know I am not for you

My body is no temple
Its been given out for nothing
Been a wide open door for calamity
Not to mention my abuse of it

My mind is no escape
Its been picked apart for everything
Been a sewage drain for misfortune
Not to mention your abuse of it

I take all of my sins
And bathe in them
There's no washing them away

And all of the voices
Remind me of everything
There's no setting them free

And all of my regrets
Know I'll never make peace
There's no coming to understanding

My eyelids are so heavy
I know I should just sleep
But with these ideation I have
I worry I won't wake
Guess a majority of me
Would be okay with that
Maybe thats the best way out
To just quietly drift into the deep

Let me sleep in peace for once
Let me not feel this way ever again
Let me have the strength to carry on
Let me find my way in this world
Let me see who I really am

I keep asking for these things
And no god answers my calls
But I can't blame any of them though
I don't even answer my own soul

It's the way you speak
About having your heart broke
That breaks mine
Knowing I can't help
And I just have to wait
Till you realize
I'm the one
That will treat you right

I know you're mad at me
And I've been up all night
Thinking about how to
Try and make this right
Then it hits
I didn't do this
You did and somehow
I keep getting convinced
I am the one that has to
Provide the fix

I got my teeth smashed
On a pedestal I never stood on
Choked out by a ribbon
I could have never ******* won

I'm in a new era
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Barely breathing and scraping
I'm meaner than ever and inspired

Everyone talks about
The thorns on roses
The bottoms of bottles
The wars of attrition
The sinks coated in blood
The tide that always turns
The pills on the floor.

No one talks about
The flower on top
The cork of a new one
The victories of wars
The mirrors holding pretty smiles
The ocean that is stunning and still
The tablets that aid in stability.

I used to always wonder why
I guess I still do but
I'm scared that it's because
The dark is more victorious.

To Whom It Concerns,

When you find this soul
Please know it has been through a lot
I trust you'll take care of it
It's been breathing through a tube
It has seen valleys of no measure
Peaks with expert definition
Has spilt more in sweat and blood
Than was ever spent on it
So when you find this soul
Cradle it and treat it like it's new
It won't survive another beating

Cordially,
Yours

I can't get away from you
You break rules and still
I keep letting you play
I try to shut you out
You beg and apologize
I keep on circling
And I have yet to realize
You're the drain

I may be a hopeless romantic
But you know that better than I do
You make me a cliché
And you do it just so easily
I don't know if I'm doing this right
But you know I simply cannot hide