Give me your praise
                                 I'll give you my days
Give me your demands
                               I'll give you my hands
Give me your sickness
                            I'll give you forgiveness
Give me your best
                           I'll give you nothing less
Give me your everything
                                I'll give you anything

I hate the calm
And yet exude it
Appearing aloof
And yet pulling my hair out
When things appear fine
And I know they aren't
I suppose it's because
"In a quiet pool, the devil dwells."

How didst I turneth
To this monstrosity
I am ev'rything
Yond makes me sick
I won't receiveth holp
So it shall beest up to me
To just p'rfect
This disease

A drunk without a drink
A river with no beginning
A street with no cars or pedestrians
A bar with no patrons
A mountain with no peak
A bustling city with no noise
A fiend without a drug
A valley with no bottom
A beggar with no cardboard sign

I am a -

Pulling strings better than a puppeteer
Baby you know there's no way
Not any way out of here

You have me caught in this twilight
And you know there's no way
Not any way I can continue to fight

**** getting anything off my chest
This pressure to be anything
Is enough compression
**** trying to be like the rest
This normalization
Is enough suppression

I'll never be everything you expect
I'll always be anxious
I'll always have bouts of depression
I'll always feel that I'm not enough
I'll always want to give up
I'll always want the easy way out
I'll never get this off my chest

This pen has bled as much as I
We both continue to pour out
Everything we've got

This paper has soaked as much as I
We both continue to take on
As much as we can

Till we are empty
Till we rip apart
Till it's the last time

I want to undo everything I've done
The triumphs and love
The sins and the downfalls
I want to have never been
I want to never be
You can't be forgotten easily
At least not from others memories
But with these suicidal thoughts
I know I want to be forgotten quicker

If you say
You mean it
Then I'll say
I understand

If I say
It was my fault
Then you just
Let go of my hand

I wisheth to perish
To spareth mine own legacy
I wisheth to beest f'rgotten
F'r who is't I once wast
And not beest remembered f'r
The ghastly thing I've becometh

Escape comes at a cost
But I've been so ******* lost
I forgot what I'm running from
And now I'm

I want to be here
For everyone I love
But I can't do this
And now I'm

Holding

A bottle of pills
A gun
A steering wheel
A thick piece of rope
A straight razor
A whole bunch of bad decisions

I hate when you judge me
You were once in this hell
When the water was muddy
And it seems you've forgotten.

We swam in the clouds
You were once in this heaven
When you were so proud
And it seems you've forgotten.

Now you've forgotten
Now I'm so toxic
Now nobody wants me
Now I'm ******* rotten.

Up and down
Thrown around
Left and right
No sleep tonight

Side to side
I have to turn this tide
There and back
Its the strength I lack

Don't say this is the last time

Don't let me become just a thread
In your ****** up tapestry

Don't send me into the wind
To become the ash of an old flame

Don't make this the last time

I don't know where
We were led astray
Been told to look up
But all I see is devils above
And angels below
All the right intentions have paved
The way to hell
Lies and misdirections have guided
The way to heaven

I used to think
The world outside my mind
Loved me more
Now I think
The world inside my mind
Just hates me more.

I've been looking
For God in silence
Screaming for help
In empty horizons

I've been hurting
For as long as I can remember
Crying pitiful tears while my body
Begs to surrender

I can't look you in the eyes
For you have sewed mine
"Is it really different?"
Love is blind.

I haven't seen light in so long
I don't even know what is wrong
"Is it just you and me?"
Maybe in my mind.

And for the first time
I opened my eyes
Feeling the yarn rip
Only to find

You. Aren't. Here.

Some find their sanity
On the edge of a blade
Some find it in an ocean
And they just calmly wade

Some lose their sanity
All because of love
Some find it in the air
Sight of flowers or a dove

Some simply never had
Some pretend to always have

Sometimes it's hard to be alive
I imagine somebody knows that more
Than I do

Looking out windows for answers
Only to be greeted by suicide
What is the point

Somehow the secret must be
To remember that somebody knows
More than I do

Being open
Has only brought judgement
Has only brought pity
Has only brought misunderstanding

Being closed
Has only brought silence
Has only brought loathing
Has only brought cynicism

Oh what to do...

Turn the page
Or burn the book

Re-cast the movie
Or become the villain

Sell my soul
Or live with who I am

Climb the mountain
Or beg at the bottom

Watch the sunrise
Or die in the dark

I don't want to feel anything
Yet I complain when I feel nothing.

I don't want to find love again
Yet I complain when no one wants me.

I don't want to talk anymore
Yet I complain when I'm not heard.

They say I need to move on
Say I can't see the ghost of you
Yet I don't even have that
Memories that don't exist suddenly
Photographs burned out of spite

I look in the rear view and
Don't even have the ghost of you?

You're beautiful
Carefree and forgiving
Loyal and perfectly imperfect
Who would've thought
Your greatest flaw would be

Me

I want to swallow pills
Put me to sleep yet
I can't even swallow the guilt

I want to hang from some rope
Couldn't tie the knot
Just to keep you close

I want to inhale car exhaust
I'm still choking on you
And your perfumes

I want to jump off a bridge
Just fall so slowly
But I fell so long ago

You tell me to go
Say we weren't nothing
I should see what else is out there
Decisions based off imbalance
Yet I can't find the door
Pray that you'll love me some more.

Please strike me down
Wearing that ******* crown
Sitting on a chair of bones
You watched me rot
Deep inside
I bathe in gasoline so please
Throw the match
Start denying me
I'd love to watch you scream
You cannot judge
Watch me swing from the rope
Been dead for a while now
Let me hang
Spread my hands wishing
To be a martyr
But I'll never be remembered for that
Just a mistake in your past

Crawl for acceptance
Beg for indifference
You're just an investment
A mere disappointment

Never going to be
Everything you want me to be

How can I change
If I'm the same person

**** me if you desire
Let me see the brightest hellfire