I remember, it was summer. I handed everybody my homemade pizza sandwiches. The smell of crispy baked bread with warm melting mozzarella cheese and sweet rich ripe tomato sauce. My friends and I were on a road trip full of leaping laughter. Laughter that grew six packs in our cheeks. Highways I call home. Songs we sang that came to life. We called ourselves the six pack. Driving an endless road down Lilly-stocks green fields and corn crops, jokes are made that make the day spark with amber. Hugs and kisses made our heart explode. The hugs and kisses that our parents no longer gave us anymore.

“You can run away with me any time you want.” We kept singing to the good and bad beats tuning out the radio as our voices warmed the air. Making the best of them, and making the air fresher than it actually was. Smelling no more than a flower in disguise. The girls lip gloss smiles and the boys lose leather seats shined. The girls laughed and chained while the boys sang their favourite songs. Their voices lit up the day more and continued a jubilant bumpy road. I remember my boyfriend putting the car in park. We all jumped out onto the warm concrete as we had our running shoes and gear ready. We walked in the forest and jumped over big streams of spring water. He held my hand and kissed my cheek. A perfect world on a perfect day. A photograph that would last a million years. Love and good times was our culture. We sang to the beat of our hearts.

“Cruising down the highway with my friends, top down and we're all on our way to the beach. And everyone keeps laughing at those cars we are passing, as we're ******* down that funny, funny ****. Oh yeah… oh yeah! We're rolling up to sand, take your shoes off, man. We are skinny dipping underneath the sea. And it's a chicken fight clan, throw your dukes up, "wham!". We are splashing in the water to the beat. Oh yeah… oh yeah! Crossing sandy dunes, hot day, mid-June. Naked kids, running wild, and free. It's summer time fun, relax and stay young. You could be home, with Oprah Winfrey. The water feels nice, dive deep down under. The ships, and treasures make reef. Just one of those days, had a blue, perfect wave. Come out, and join. You'll see. We are lying in the sun, when you’re done find a towel. Now we're thinking of where we're gonna eat. Back corner table, order lobsters and Black Label. Raise your glasses, here's to living out our dreams.”
We all ran with full stomachs down the beach to unpack in our clean house cabin. We all clunked on the couches and flicked the television on. My boyfriend Billy was laughing about bad pranks on the beach with his two best friends Dalek and Tanek. Nelly’s dating Dalek and Quinns dating Tanek. My two best girlfriends. Chatting away we heard a shattering noise. We all give each other looks and rush to the startling noise coming from the bathroom.
“It’s coming from that vent.” Billy pointed and looked at me. A huge metal vent with blue spirals. The vent shook the wall and the vent cover fell off. Billy saw a green creature run down the vent and took his flashlight. “I saw something! There! Down there!”
“Yeah let’s go in there and catch ‘em!” Dalek dramatically spun.
“There is no way on earth I’m going in there!” Nelly poked Daleks shoulder.
“Yeah, there could be..” I took Billy’s flashlight and held it under my face. “Aliens!” I said deeper in a jokingly manner. Everyone knows Daleks consternating fear for aliens.
“Aliens?” Dalek blankly stared and fearfully jumped in to Taneks arms. Billy wrapped his arms around me.
“No way on earth you’re going in there without me Betty babe.” I snatched his flashlight again and crawled into the small space. “That’s not a good idea though, come on Betty, come back.” Billy worried.
“I’m just looking!” My voice echoed down the humongous vent as I suddenly slipped. “Billy! Help!” I slid down the vent and rolled on my side as Billy shouted.
“I’m coming Betty! Wait there!” Everyone decided to follow and by the time I saw Billy, Billy and I heard the girls screaming and the guys laughing down the slippery vent.
“We stick together!” Quinn fainted in Tanek’s arms.
“Yeah, now who’s gonna get the magical rope and magically bring us back up?” I knuckled her hair roughly.
“I’m freaking out guys. I don’t want to be here. It’s *****. It’s rusty. I like these pants! Dalek! Why’d you push me down?!” Nelly heated.
“Shh! We can’t wake the aliens.” Dalek gulped and held her head tightly to his chest.
“There it is!” Billy shouted. The wrinkley green face ran out a different vent outside.
“We’re okay guys, look. We’ll go outside that vent, there, and we’ll be okay.” We crawled in relief and I was the first person to fall. I fell in the sand as well as everybody else mocked.
“Damit Dalek, I can‘t believe you got me into -” Nelly choked on the sand. The green alien appeared and spoke.
“Greetings!” it giggled. “I’m alien here harvest your brain.” It chuckled. It spat a big laugh and spoke again “Just kidding, my name is Jungalo. I see you’re in danger. You shouldn’t be here.” I look up into the bright sky light as I shadow my eyes with my hand. It’s definitely not human. But a male creature I assume. He stands awkwardly with a cup of fresh sardines in his awkward hands coming from the purple lake as the wind whistles. The warm peanutbutterflies flutter in the peanut fields. Millions and millions of peanuts. The green alien walked us down the trails of snails and over a few bridges. The lake’s shore was covered with sardines. Jungalo grabbed the purple well water took a bucket full of sardines too.“Hey there Jungalo!” The purple kids shouted from a distance; little goats apparently allergic to fish. I tried catching the peanutbutterflies to eat, because Jungalo said they tasted good. The creatures tasted scrumptious. We stumble across the rocky trails and jump into his tree house. Not any old regular tree house. A door on the tree that has a staircase. An underground house. Jungalo puts the sardines in the *** and lets it boil. I find these white fluffy candy planted around the tree. It’s shaped like a mushroom but we call Jungalo says their marshmellowshrooms, AKA double M shrooms. I love the feeling and smell of them so I pick them.
“Don’t! Don’t! Put that down!” The little green alien’s awkward fist monstrously hit me and I fell to the floor. Not just that, but I blacked out.
*
My breathe escaped and I jumped off the couch. I looked around the living room dizzy and unaware of my surroundings. The wooden floors were scratched and there was tomato juice spilt on the carpets. I had a feeling that tomato juice wasn’t the only thing we consumed.
I was too frightened to move. Seeing the empty bottles laying everywhere, I fell to my knees once more and weakly fell back into my sleep.
A food I once ate. In my kitchen when my mom baked. My taste buds had an overrate. To the flower and powder in my mother’s cake. On and on I express about things that make no sense. But I still move my lips to the beat of the tense. Riding up and down the hills of confusion. Maybe there could be a lack of resolution. Make it count, make it count. My mother in blue says. I’ll remember her words for the rest of my days. Take a nap, take a nap for goodness sakes. I’ll warm you the light to discourage the shapes. I love you darling, never forget. The tears I cried when I had my baby brunette.
My eyes slightly open. Where am I? With my feather head, I stand up and see Billy. I wobble and try shaking everyone up. Nobody moves. I stumble to Billy’s face and try to wake him last.
“Please wake up Billy!” I shook him and topple beside him. I try getting up even though my paralyzed legs try to stop me. I grabbed cold water from the kitchen and dumped it on his face. I watch him moan in pain and sickness.
“Billy!” I had enough energy to pull him to my chest. He looked up at me and spoke.
“Betty, what’s going on?” He grabbed me.
“I don’t know. I think we need to call for help.” I held his shoulder
“Are you kidding? We’re not doing legal things here Betty. We have to wake everyone up and we have to go home.”
“Billy I’ve already tried.” I teared. Billy tried moving everybody hard but nobody even flinched.

We heard hard loud knocks one after another behind the front door. We glance at each other quickly and clumsily walk to the door. Billy opened the door. A woman dressed in white stood there which pinched my pupils. It waited patiently just around the corner, peeking out from over the horizon. Death.
“Don’t be scared. Come with me.” She turned around as her wings fluttered like the fins of angel-fish. “Don’t worry you’ll see her very soon.”
My mom flashed before my eyes. "You're beginning to drag the ones you love down. Maybe you should just fall, and leave the world and lose it all. Maybe that's what you need, to finally see, I loved you through it all. It may feel like God went north, and left you to be. But all you need to know, is you have everything you need. It's just a blink of an eye, until the next time we meet. I'll hold you 'til the end, I'll hold you 'til you're free.” She hugged me.

Do you see the river of blood stream
It makes me want to not shout but scream
It’s all what it seems
Once upon a lonely dream
My blood is boiling up for you
Let’s break this mirror ‘cause I’ll never
Be the way you want me to
You’re a monster hiding in your skin
A disaster waiting to dig in
I’ll leave you and it’ll eat you inside
Make sure you back up your reasons to lie
You’ll lose everything beside
Let yourself die
Are you afraid of the skeleton you raised
And all the greed your life paid
So close but a million feet away
So far but a million years to stay
In shows with despair and hatred
In ***** with emotion that’s overrated
A never ending fall a never ending war
It’s getting too hot
Let my body hit the floor
A never ending lie I can’t take no more
Guiding to the star with an open door
Were living forever starting now
Only if you have the time to know how
Forget about the world we’ll show them
Forget about what’s right, it’s never good enough.

Pounding traumatically hard. A wave of heartaches chokes my tears. I feel like tying myself to the rough metal railroad tracks. Some fear that will overcome my sadness. Feeling like there is no place to go when you’re now alone. I wish we’d never fight. Things are always better when his arms are wrapped around me and there is only.
I take a hit after a hit and cry a river. My heart soothes and pictures start to move. A black hole erupts out of nowhere as it tries to **** me in. I hold onto my armchair trying not to get ****** in the blackness. The nothingness. My fingers slip off and I’m spinning in. I fall to my knees and my eyes widen.  I quickly look left and right, all around me. As I freak out, I fall on my back. I try to sit up and hold myself. I feel like I just got hit by a train. I see a little light floating in front of me. It comes closer as I reach out and touch it. Suddenly I fall into mid-nothing and hit my head off a sandy rock. I look beyond my views and see a far hot dessert. 40 Celsius of heat slapping my face, I feel the soft sand hug my feet and hands. Hills and hills of sand and rocks.
I spot an opening of a cave and walk towards it. The walk through the hot beaming sun made me sweat a shower. I felt a cool refreshing breeze come from the dark cave. I start walking through this never-ending cave. I’m terribly thirsty. My head feels like a feather made of thorns. I look up and smell water and see another light. I wobble and trip my way through the cave. At the end of the cave, I peek out and see leaves on the ground. A slimy snail, the size of my fist blocking my way. I stumble over it. I look up and see wines and trees twisting 30 stories high. Big birds flying over and around the huge tall waterfall. I ran and jumped in the water. I quenched my thirst, as the tropical fish swam around me.
A bunch of crowing birds caught my attention as I saw him standing on the rocky mountain steps. He stared at me, waiting for me to run after him. I did. Every step I made was useless to his speed. Walking through the waterfall cave, I suddenly trip and slip off the edge of the cliff. I cried for him to help me. I called his name, and he stood there. Didn't bother to help me. He said he loved me but I let go. I fell and fell. When I hit the pointy rocks, everything blacked out, and I awakened. I sat in a hospital bed, he laid on top of me and started crying of relief. He looked at me with perishing pity and I gave in to it. He repetitively said that he loved me but I didn’t give in to that. I cried and ripped off the strings and patches on my body that he brought me to. Loneliness creeped up only when he stood around. I was better off in my slumber. I was better off with the truth. I was better off when the bitter love didn’t break me. I was better off with near silent winds on the warm sandy beach where my toes would hide away from the heavy space less atoms. Hear my heart when it stops. Hear my voice when its silent. I’ll get out alive.

Everything said in a Russian/Jewish accent*
My name is Annemarie Apfelbaum and I am here to tell you my story, about what I went through. Some people think the Holocaust didn't exist. It's funny. I've been through everything in the Holocaust, I was there.
It was a very cold winter. I was very young. Around 8 years old. I had my mother and my father and my little baby brother. We lived in very Jewish small town in Soviet Russia. In small apartment. It was very frightening, they hit door down and door broke off. My mother screamed as I held my baby brother. The 6 Nazis force us out. I remember one of them beat my father with stick. My father tried to protect us. My mother cried to me and she said Annemarie, save your brother. My mother tried go run away. They shot her in head. i watch all this happen. I threw up everywhere and i looked at my father. I didn't know what was happening, they grabbed my baby brother and I cry. They pulled my arm and left big bruise on left arm. My father grabbed my hand as threw my baby brother on floor and beat him. I screamed. "Why, why you do this." They pushed me and my father outside. I saw him cry for the first time. He tried to comfort me. He said don't worry darling, we will be okay. He wipe my tears, and hold my hand. They took us to, to group of people and eventually I and my father went up to a desk with strange guy. This was outside and cold raining. They took me first. The man smiles at me and tattoo my arm with ink. So painful it was. My number was 571556 my fathers was 571557. They sew jewish star on our coats so they always know. I ask my father many questions. All he said was be proud of who you are. And we will be out alive. The natzis treated us like slaves. If we didn't listen to them they shoot. One day they make a line of Jewish people and make them sing. Sing their anthem and they all be dead in next second. Me and my father were starving, exhausted, and were hurt very badly. The natzis took us and put us on train. They were going to split us up because men women and children all went to different places. My father told them I was a boy and because I had short hair they believed him. They shaved my hair off anyways. Nobody know where train going or why we were there. It took us to a camp of terror. People were beat and slaved. They were stripped. Before they could take off my clothes my father had told me to jump fence and run far in forest. But I didn't want to go without him. I'd rather die than run alone. He told me that he loved me very much. They shot him. I ran for him. They saw me though. They went after me. I didn't stop run. I went under a tunnel that I slipped in. The snow covered the entrance when they got too close. I heard them run away back to camp. I found my way out forest and found a safe place. War was over after the years hiding in safe place. The man who helped me and others named jeron jesustki. I thank him Til this day. I don't want you be sorry for me. I want you to be happy for me. I survive. I believed I would get out from bad people. I do miss my father. He love me and help me accept who I am. I love who I am.

Haikus #1
Lost sense of beauty
Satellites don’t work no more
Disruptive feelings

Haikus #2
Dragonflies warble
Warble, heavy fluttering wings
Harden, smiling leaves

Haikus #3
Fresh laughters under
The hot beaming smiling sun
An endless highway

Haikus #4
It struggles to get up
Being lost before found
In the reckless night

Summer, August burns Red.
A forest blooms, we had met.
Swallowing butterflies in disguise.
A scarring kiss, exploding cries.
His red hair burnt the leaves like a friendly fire.
Blue eyes with the words of an honest liar.

October burns blue to the sound of rejection.
Mornings had mirrors with triggers of reflection.
Reading to writing, forgetting the moment.
Internal endures, within a sleepless dormant.
Wake up, ruminate, leading to regurgitate.
Voices spring off my drums. Time to self-desecrate.

Ignore the ******, it’s only November.
Rides of emotion, tender the temper.
Therapy, the solution to contentment.
Wished you haven't witnessed it.

I long for the feeling to not feel at all.
Commotion and denial, stiff as a doll.
Does it make you feel alive?
The poor lass in some way contrived,
Drowning, a sentimental suicide.

Get up, you were in coma for two years.
You’ve met a wonderful star, that wiped your tears.
Why do the thoughts tremble back as we speak?
A new born gazelle, legs shaking weak.

To find a staunch G-d. The whole universe.
(How do you love when your heart is broken
How do you speak when you feel outspoken
I can forgive and be forgiven
By learning to heal with a heart wide open)

When it’s time to go, I’ll go,
But for now it’s all about to change
When everything’s stuck in repeat
It’ll all be different when I pull the trigger
Having to take the shot
Every second makes me more and more anxious
Before they **** me, I’ll **** them
How they strangle me leaves brutal bruises on my neck
When it rips my veins off my skin
And puts glass down my throat
This song is stuck in repeat
Their surrounding me
Pull the trigger, pull the trigger
The voices choke my choices
They crumple my words and what I believe in
I need to do it
Right between the eyes
Count to ten
One two this pain is so true
Three four I can’t do this anymore
Five six this is something I have to fix
Seven eight don’t be too late
Nine ten before it’s the end