I look left, then right
The signal clicking behind the plastic sheet
I pull out
And look left again
I see it and slam on the brakes
THUMP!

“What the **** is wrong with you?
Do you know how to ******* drive?”
“Yes ma’am. I’m sorry this happened.”
“Back the **** up and give me your information”
So I do
Keeping calm and respectful

“Can I have your phone number?
I can send my insurance to you”
She closes the door and drives off
*****
Dad, call me ASAP
The phone rings
“I was just in an accident. Sending you pictures now.”
“Okay, but are you hurt? What happened?”
I’m fine
I tell him the story
And I break down
“Take your time. Calm down and drive home.
You’re okay, that’s all that matters.”

I sit in my freezing car
Tears and snot flowing down my face
I punch the visor
Crying, I wipe my face
Signal,
And drive off

The flame quivers
A bead of was slowly drips down the side
Onto my waiting hand
I sit there
Finger burning
As the droplet hardens
Becoming slowly more opaque
And I do it again

With each drop I think
What am I doing on this planet?
Who am I going to be?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
A thousand questions as the flame flickers
Until slowly
Like my spirit
It dies
And darkness closes in

It’s what I got called today
By one I considered a friend
Just because I beat him at a video game

There is no going back
He’s had his chances
Each started with “I’m sorry for the stupid ******* I said.”
But this time it’s too far

I’m not a “******* fa- -ot *****”
I’m a ******* human
And deserve to be treated as such

Why do we torture ourselves so?
We listen to our sad music
Making us depressed
Leading to overeating and intoxicants
Intoxicated we think of when we were happy in our ex’s arms
Even if you’re happier in your new relationship than you were with them
Your ex leads you to guilt
Where you feel like calling them
Just to say hello, and hear their voice again
But if you do that
You know it will only end in tears
Yet you pick up the phone instead
And call the number you swore you would never touch
But there you are
The phone ringing
Until they pick up, call you a ******* *******
And hang up
So you call the next one as a new song plays in the background

Those three words were all Grampa said to him
As the classic car glided down the road
Grampa looked over at his 5 year old boy
And motioned for him to sit on his lap
“Spirit’s what you need in this world kid
Otherwise you’ll crumble faster than a paper in the rain”
The kid took the wheel, driving faster and faster

Eleven years later
Grampa gave him a box
“Take good care of her
And remember, keep your spirit”
That night Grampa welcomed the icy grip of death

On his gravestone were the words
Spirit’s all you need to survive, keep it safe
Resting on top were photos
The car driving down the same road
The boy behind the wheel growing into a man

Eleven years later
The man drove to the cemetery
Tears streaming down his face
“She left me, Grampa
And I know I only need spirit
But I need you more
I need you to tell me that it okay
That I don’t need her
I need you to tell me what to do”
He sat there crying over his Grampa’s grave

He drove home
To the house in the middle of nowhere
The house his Grampa built
Sitting empty save a few boxes
He climbed the wooden ladder to his treehouse
He sat with a picture of his kind faced Grampa
Tears streaking his cheeks
He walks over to the chest he kept his toys in when he was a boy
Digging out old cars
Army men
And yo-yos
Till he reached the bottom
His toys surrounding him he noticed something
The chest had a fake board in the bottom

He pulled it up to find a note etched into it
I won’t always be there for you
But know this
It will all be fine in the end
Keep your spirit, for that is all you need
I love you
He climbed out
Got in the classic car
And drove
Hoping someday it would all work out

A purple house sits on the corner
A tree grows from the back yard
A grey trimmed porch wraps around
The bright golden mailbox full of mail
A deep blue door like a portal to the stars
The driveway where her car sits with popped tires
She approaches the house
The steps still cracked from where he fell
As the police tackled him
She opens the door still scratched from
When he had came at her with the
So she threw the lamp
Walking around she runs her hands along the walls
Where he pinned her while she tried to run
The couch in the middle of the room
Still soaked with blood where she clawed him
Tears streaming down her face
Down the hallway
Where holes in the wall marked where he tried to stab her
To the bedroom where he tried to smother her
For the pain had grown too much

He sat at the bar
She sat next to him
They talked and drank till closing
He asked her back to his place
She declined and took a cab home

The next night he sat at the bar
She walked in
They had a laugh and a drink
He asked her back to his place
She declined and took a cab home

The next night she walked in
And he was gone
She asked if the bartender had seen him
He said “not tonight”
She had a drink and waited
After an hour he hadn’t shown up
She took a cab home
A man was sitting on her porch
A bouquet of roses drooped in his hand

“How did you know where I lived?”
“You took a cab” he explains
“When you told him your address
I wrote it down
Because there’s no way in hell I’ll let you,
The prettiest woman,
Walk away without trying
So here I am,
Dinner?”
He held out his hand
She took it and pulled him inside