I wanted to write something
So I’ll write this
I have no idea what it’s about
But does it have to be about anything
Couldn’t a poem be about
A puppy
A clown
A funny story about your life
Or even some mix of them all
Theses are all just random thoughts
That I’m putting in the poem
I have no idea how to get Her to like me
I know it’s over with She
But
I guess I’ll move on to Her
I guess that this is all for
My random chaos poem

I lived with my sister for a while
She goes to college
I played video games while she was working
She worked a lot
I met her many roommates- they’re very nice
She has four roommates
I didn’t go to bed until late night
She doesn’t sleep much
I was living at college for a while
My sister invited me

I have ways
To hold myself
I have ways
To keep my mind in eternal check
But sometimes
The wall breaks
Not water but thoughts
No, emotion
Emotion floods my actions
Then the dam is repaired
I am back in check
I hold myself
Cradling myself
Keeping myself safe
But not from you
The floods take me over
These dams
Protect me
From me
Only one thing
Can reinforce that wall
Her
Seeing her
Hearing her voice
****
Even reading a text from her
Just thinking about me and her
I grow calm
I just stop
The waters lower
And the process starts over
But
She has removed that
She took the reinforcement
She took my happiness
It’s not her fault though
I guess
BF
Stands for
Best friend
And nothing else

Why does she not see me
The way I see her?
What is wrong with me
Do I not make her
Laugh
Smile
comforted
Am I
Ugly
Rude
Insensitive
What is wrong with me
That I find
An amazing
Beautiful
Smart friend
And I ruin it
By trying to be more
By trying to find happiness
By trying to explore ourselves
By trying to be an us
Rather than a
Me
And a you
I don’t care if people know
I need to express my pain
I need to express my love
I need to express me
I love you
And nothing can change that
Now do you see
How much I care?

Anyone who’s had their heart broken
Especially by one
You truly loved
Knows “The Feeling”
We all know
The general ache
Your heart shattered
Everyone knows
The feeling of emotional emptiness
But
There’s a third
Everything else melts
Into the background
Color fades
Voices become monotonous blahs
The feeling from those movies
Something happens to the character
Suddenly
It’s all black
Jazz plays in the back
Signs pass too quick to read
When they’re your life
Your purpose
Your drive to get through the day
When they’re everything you have
And it’s taken away
You get “The Feeling”
Where everything becomes nothing
You are just floating
In an abyss

My life is wrecked
I asked her out
She said
I value our friendship
I listen to music
To sedate my pain
I hear a beat
An open to a song
“Ba dun da da
Bun da da duh
DA dun dun dun”
The lyrics come on
“I would say I’m sorry
If I thought that it would
Change your mind”
It’s one of heartbreak
Swallowing your feelings
“‘Cause boys
Don’t cry”

At one point
You are set down
And never picked back up
At one point
You never talk
To your childhood friends again
You are never the best
At every task you acomplish
You will have a pet
For part of your life
But all of theirs
Now is the oldest you’ve been
Yet the youngest you’ll be again
You’ve never directly seen
Your own face