I cant tell the difference between
love and pain.

I read your letter today
and tears started to flow
You said you see me inside of you
but I cant see me at all
My world is upside down
So this smile is really a frown
This pain I cant conceal, its unbearable
I am pain and pain is me
The abnormal pulse of my heart you see
Is due to it being on the floor, detached
I stare at it all of the time
My eyes are covered, by all of the
affliction, the disappointment
I scream uncontrollably, a true berserker
Can you hear me?
I do not feel fear, for I do not feel
The world took that from me
I have nothing else to offer
I went to God to receive a quote
for the repairs
He told me "time"
But the future seems so far away
The past stole my identity and
the present is taking advantage
The sun dancing was predicted today
But why do I see gray?
This gray cloud expanded and rain
started to fall
I stood there with my head to the sky
Feeling every drop of rain to my pain's
content
I read your letter today
and I couldn't stop wiping my face
You're staring at me
looking at yourself
We're each other's mirror reflecting
what nobody else sees

It's not you it's me
Is what the message said
And the assurance in your
Voice relayed the message
Well
But deep down I knew the
True meaning behind the missive
Was it's not me it's you
I wasnt taken back by it or
Surprised because I knew it
To be true
You started to look at me
Differently
And then you started
To walk away
I reached out to you
I tried to scream
But as the distance grew between us
All I could see was your silhouette
In the pouring rain
I stood there, that's all I could do
The water started to rise
Just beating on my chest
It became hard to breathe
Knowing what I've done
But all I could do was just
Stand there
You told me to be yourself but
What if being myself is not
Good enough
I wonder if you could see me
Like really see me
On my knees, trying to pick up
The broken pieces of what
Was left, of what the world
Didnt take
Desperately trying to mold
Them back together like a
Child figuring out her new
Favorite puzzle
Or could you see the tears
That have dried
I was desperate
Trying to hold on to happiness
For it became unfamiliar
Wondering how did this happen
Becoming a shell of who I was
Or who I am
Years of disappointment and
Deception took a toll
One that I couldn't afford
The sun chose to speak
But I turn the other way
Pulling the covers over my face
But at the same time
I promised myself to show
You
To show you something pure
Something real and kind
For you deserve that
I closed my eyes and
I wonder now if I failed
I saw a glimpse of your face
Of your smile
No I cant
I cant surrender to failure
I have to keep my promise
For you deserve that
Was your message accurate?
It was
It's not you it's me

You asked me if I believed in love
And I said I believed in you
The world was cold and
I didnt dress accordingly
The same routine over and over
Became my consumption
Until I saw you
You taught me to just enjoy
The warmness of the sun shining
Against my skin as I look
Up to the sky
That this moment is the
Only time that matters
Your touch was essential
Your smile was breathtaking
The look in your eyes told
So many stories
We laid side by side
And I whispered if this is love
Then yes, I believe
As you caress your hand
Across my cheek
I started to close my eyes
The softness I couldn't challenge
I wont forget how bright
The stars were that night
Morning has risen
I opened my eyes slowly,
Reaching over to you and felt nothing
I laid there waiting for the sound
Of your voice and heard nothing
I rubbed my face and proceeded
Back to the same routine
Wondering if you'll ever
Find me again

The pain came from others
Opportunity after opportunity
just seems to slip away
All I wanted was to feel....something
For I've never felt anything
Loneliness is a tough pill to swallow
Yet it became my daily prescription
The pain became self-inflicted
Everything I touch, I destroy
And I become forgotten
The tears have ran dry
Expectations have disappeared
Love is out of reach
I created the clouds that block the sun
Existence is my only truth

The coffee shop
In the middle of town
What wonders it brings
And you became one of them
I remember it being a busy day
Not enough seats to go around
But I was able to grab two for one
And you didn't miss out on
The opportunity just to sit down
Out of all the extremely loud sounds
A faint "hello" was able to grab my
Attention
And there you were
A presence that took my breath away
But yet so timid
It felt like eternity
Us staring at each other
Truly stuck in a daze
Until I finally blinked and
Went into motion, quickly kicking
The chair out from underneath the table
For I didn't want anyone else
To take away this moment
You sat down brushing your hair
Behind your ear
Your smile is one I'll never forget
The steam rising from your cup
Is a reflection of how I felt within
The beauty felt unreal
It had so much power
Your voice had warmth to it
As if you and the sun were one
I never imagined my life would change
In this coffee shop in the middle of town
For it brings so many wonders
But only one would count

There's something different about him
The way he moves
The way he carries
I can see the curiosity in his eyes
I can tell he wants to say something
But the words aren't coming out
Maybe he's shy
Or maybe he's just tired
Tired of the dead ends
A true mystery.....
And I'm interested

What's wrong with you?
Maybe there's interest
But you won't know unless you say something to her
She's beautiful
And you can't afford wasted moments
The road blocks in the past
Have blurred your vision
Like staring at the sun
But at the same time
You're still able to see her