I've said "I love you" thousands of times but yet we still end in destruction.

How is this possible
To fall back to where I've escaped
I've spent countless hours
Finding worth, purpose
Healing from scars that
Left permanent markings
I was finally okay, content of the
Person staring back in the mirror
How is this possible
Is what I thought when you first
Walked into my life
Not sure if I was ready but
I was willing to start over
I gave you everything I had
Finding myself desperate
To want this to work
Ignoring all possible judgements
For who am I to adjudicate
But now I see
You preyed on my kindness and goodwill
Every downfall, trauma, and
Disappointments projected towards me
My pure mind blocked any discernment
And now I remain with hurt and anger
While you move on to new
Adventure and opportunities
Like today moving on to tomorrow
How is this possible
For me to be painted as the black hat
Slowly dragging my name through
The mud never to be rinsed
In the eyes and ears of those
I showed the opposite to
I elevated for you, for us
All to be thrown away and
Be picked up on Monday morning
No remorse, no shame or repentance
Just self-praise, propelling yourself
To the next lost soul
While I sit here confused
Wishing I never listened to your
Companions to begin with
Wishing I never became vulnerable
Wishing I never displayed my love
For you didn't deserve it
But it's stolen now, never to be
Returned
How is this possible
To have this feeling of gullibility
To have this feeling of foolishness
To have this feeling of insanity
Alone once again only to put
Forth more countless hours
Creating new scars and
adding them to the collection
How is this possible
To still love you
When every bone of my existence
Tells me not to
I understand now when they say
Love is blind
I'll do you one better
Love is pain and pain is love
I've ran out of possibilities

Can I trust you?
yes
But how do I know?
How do I know you're safe?
you don't deep down
but I will finally show you
peace
i've felt you from a long distance
i've seen you remove your heart
i'm here to stitch it back in place
i've saved this tourniquet
to stop your bleeding
your pain is heavy
your tears have filled this cup
to where you see your life as
half empty
rest
lay your head upon my sternum
you see the world as inhumane
with your restless eyes
but can you see me?
i won't depart
not again
you feel you're at the end
of the road
and of all the street signs
point to destruction
stay
please for one last time
and I will direct you
back on course
i haven't forgotten
i haven't forgotten your innocence
i haven't forgotten your purity
the world took these morals
from you
i stole them back like
a thief in the night
i've found myself pouring rivers
feeling your torment
rest now
i'm here to fulfill what you
so desperately have
been yearning
love

I know we'll never be in unity
But for once in a long time
I saw you in my dreams
And that's good enough

It's not easy holding up this cup
Looking for a break
The way you look at me
Causes me to hide my face
I had dreams
More than you could imagine
Now I'm lucky to make it in time
For shelter before the coldest
Hours of the night
Praying the sun will keep me warm
As my feet scream for me to
Take a break
I had a family, a life, an identity
I wasn't so fortunate when
The wrath of those waves
Poured in
To be forgotten and never
Searched for pains my pride
I gave in, thinking my dreams
Are just that now....dreams
Reality is these lonely
But loud streets
"Go get a job!"
As you spit on my embarrassment
Never to be thought of again
As the light turns green
And you drive away
But me...I'll be here
Fighting for turf that
Belongs to no one
If only I can just
Make it to shelter
Before those coldest hours

Who do you see?
huh?
Who do you see...when you look up there?
i don't know
i see PEACE colors SELF space
Do you see her?
Come on...don't look at me like that
The way you get lost looking at the sun Maybe hoping she's looking at it too...
At the same time...
So are you aligned?
Do you see her?
no... she's too far...she couldn't wait
And you hold that regret?
yea...everyday
But you must certainly feel her
no... not anymore

When you said it's either
Me or her
I wanted to cut you off
And say YOU
But I couldn't