Towards city scenes.
With towers, cloaked in all their grey and misery whizzing by.

And I’m left chasing the hollow sounds of emptiness....
Clackaty clack,
Clackaty clack,
Clackaty clack.

Longing for the silence and calm tunnels of dark and black.
So I can choke back tears in secret.
Till the light returns and I should yet again pretend,
A farewell to the beautiful green.

Did you really need to break me down to nothing?
Did you need to twist my mind with words to make me see?
You know, I loved you even through my darkest moments,
I loved you even though you never did me.

With longing just to have my heart acknowledged.
And despair that every moment was ignored.
You took and stripped back, the very essence of my soul.
One that never had a chance to be explored.

And now I stand alone in lonely predicament.
One that leaves me afraid of what’s to come.
For, one day I know that you will want me.

But when it comes, that i’ll be gone.

I heard the voices echo,
Like a chorus of dread to my heart.
So I quietly sat to listen,
In waiting for something to start.

With childish knees drawn up,
And with the chill of the air on my skin.
I felt the bangs, ring out against walls.
I heard the screaming begin.

It was from muffled cries that eyes were closed,
With sadness I cowered my head.
My frame sat alone, feeling delicate and small,
My heart beating terror and dread.

And with tiny hands, over little ears,
Tapping feet to the tunes of ditties.
I hummed the tune of butterflies,
And all things quaint and pretty.

Grey,
Dead,
Standing there in fakery and taking.
Idle friendships,
Eying stares,
Toothless grins and forced hand shaking.
Their smiles equip to mask the in-depth breaking,
Of hearts
and minds
and souls
and lives,
of others they try to pull in with their making
Of Falsehood.

Not knowing who or what they are,
Or what they will be,
Or what they might become.
They take and spread their message of life and....
“Oh look, see just how we are having fun?”
All wrapped up in a neat shiny package with instruction on how it is to be done.
“And now a call for the cheque book,
don’t forget the cash!”

Led to the front,
With warm arms flung wide if your one of the chosen,
With the reality and the truth unspoken,
There’s certainly no room for the broken,
And they’ll show you the way to the door.

And so softly,
softly,
softly,
they mouth their lies.
Almost whispers, as you close your eyes.
Swaying gently,
Hand on your head,
Falling down as though you are dead.
A quick look to see, for someone to catch you,
But don’t fool yourself, they’ve already snatched you!
You want to get up but you feel that you can’t,
For no one else is....
Your just playing a part!


Yes It wasn’t for going to be loved and accepted.
Your test won’t fool me!...


I’m not here to be tested.

I noticed your face as you searched for me within the crowd.

I saw, and once again remembered each crease and line of your skin,
and with shallowed breath,
I took each one in.

They suddenly seemed so deep, framing the window that I once had looked into.
A window that first was shut,
but had been opened to me,
and I hoped that it should be like that again.
That it would be you that met my direction,
not the conservative shell that met others and usually constituted your business.
  
Despite your puffed, ridged stance, with hands clasped neatly in loose fists against your thigh.
Your eyes still glistened and shone as they darted,
and their beauty radiated a warmth and calm about your presence that softened your nervousness.

I saw too, a small smile.

It made me smile,
And I mirrored you, but with inward sighs.

Perhaps you felt the same?

But each time you failed to find me,
I saw that it faded,
and with slightly lowered head,
A look of longing and sorrow seemed to encompass your being.

I don’t know why, but I felt pity for you in that moment.

You seemed so lost,
so detached,
and I found it hard to not reminisce on how we would soon be parting again...

and that hurt me deeply.

But then your eyes met mine,
and with a burst of life...like the month of spring renews nature’s life.
They shone out to me,
and your smile lit up your face.
Every step that you drew to me,
made it impossible to deny, that I loved you!
And in that moment I knew it,
Yet too, I knew that you were not mine,
nor would ever be.


I’m sorry that I lowered my gaze.

I wanted you to read my face to see what I was thinking,
to know that I was full to bursting with emotion as you gently touched my arm, but i was afraid.
Afraid for you to see my soul, only to then loose you again.

So I remained still and cold.

And through crushing your spirit I let you go.