Climb inside my soul and dwell here for awhile
Possess me with your love
And while you're there, mend my heart

I've been avoiding you on purpose
Because I dread you will know what I do
I have too many secrets
But I'm terrified of disappointing you
As you know I am Bipolar
This is hard for me to say
People misinterpret what it means
I fear rejection every day  
And when I'm manic, oh baby, I'm high
I have no limitations
**** the sky
When I'm depressed I weep and I scream
I don't do anything but think about my dream

What if I told you that I love the topic of ***?
That I crave a fellow soul who loves it just as much as me
What if I told you I ****** your ex?
A side of me you never thought you would never see
How would you feel if I told you I've never been in love?
Would you think its a lie?
Or the fact that every time I wake up I think of 1,000 Ways To Die
I write on the daily
But the words struggle to flow
Trying to figure out where every phrase and metaphor can go
Everything I've been doing lately feels like a fight
Have I told you about my scars?
Gosh, I'm such a delight
Do you know about the abuse?
Would you have helped me if you were there?
Or would you lie to me like that ***** who said I'd get in so much trouble
Do you really care?
Are friends really forever?
Are you even there?

I drift alone on this sea of life
Searching the skies for an answer
I search the stars and endless blue
Though I rarely find the answer I'm after
I know what you're thinking
If you're tired of drifting just put down your anchor
But my boat starts sinking
It doesn't work in my favor

What is an anchor?
It's something that lies on the sea's ground
Something that will hold you down
The reason why I almost drown
But I need it.
I need to have the depression
I crave the tears
I've been living with the tragedy of me for all these years
Balance
I crave the kite
The manic episodes of my existence
My ideas are vast
I show persistence
I fly high above people and I feel my spirit soar
I grab on to the strings when I cant take anymore
But the landing is always rough
It's unpredictable and fast
Aha! I found my answer alas!
I hold on to my kite while I drag my anchor
So my boat can float comfortably on the sea
I love my kite and my anchor
They are the two most extreme parts of me

Never had he seen such beauty
Iris green and full of envy
Hair that burned red like a sunset over an autumn mountain
Pale skin and ripe lips

Her name was Lilah
She was delicate
Too delicate
Like the wings of a butterfly

She flew away from me,
My sweet Lilah
I guess she got tired of the darkness,
The cramped space within my belly
I tried to make her comfortable

She'd kick and I'd feel her fluttering around inside me
So much joy in my heart
I didn't mind the pain in my *******
I didn't care that I always had to ***
I didn't mind being nauseous
I loved my Lilah
I'd stop the world for her

With a fever and severe cramping, my Lilah was gone
No longer did she dwell inside my cocoon
My love had been stolen from me
I lived for her
She made me pure
A clean slate for both of us

But she's gone now
She went back to where she came
When he held her, her forgot about his pain
She was beautiful
She was the force field that kept his hands off of me
My savior
My one true love
My sweet Lilah

You kiss me and you pull me close
You pretend you'll never let me go
But I know something you don't know
You can see it in my eyes
But you wouldn't know because you never look into them

When you hold me in your embrace,
I look over your shoulder for a dream to chase
So I can forget that I'm in your arms
And if you could just see my face
When I'm in that dreadful place
You'd understand why I didnt let you in  

We never talk
You never asked me on a date
Yet you bury your face into me shirt
Say you want to make me squirt
You don't even attempt to flirt
You just see my body and assume it owes you something
Thats why, when you try to turn me on, it does nothing
  
So don't pull me closer
And tell me to "Just come on"
Rarely do I do what I'm told
I don't fall for these tricks anymore
I've gotten too old

So get out of my room
Get out of my head
Did you even understand a word I just said?
Go disappear for another two months
Your illusions don't you preserve
And next time don't come back and try to take what you don't deserve.

You put your fingers in the back of your throat
In hopes you can gain what you have already lost
control
But you are lying to yourself
Because you never really had it

I'm writing you this letter
So my life is not a lie
I'm writing you this letter
So that I may say goodbye
Please don't shed any tears
This is what I want
Life is too hard
Its not your fault
I'm in need of a friend
Someone who will help me through
I'm in need of someone who was as good to me as you

I look down at the yellow tiles
I trace the orange petals with my eyes
The bucket is on the floor next to the toilet
I'll be right out turns into on of my biggest lies
I feel a breeze from the window
And close the vent that resides in its center
The snow is glistening in the moonlight
Such a lonely winter..

I pull down the shade
It wraps around itself like an old scroll
There's footsteps, loud and strong, coming from down the hall
Shhh
Deep breaths

The paint on the wall is flaking
Like my sanity, it withers away
There's a voice inside my head that keeps telling me to stay
It wreaks of *****
Hair clogs the drain on the floor
I'm going to do this
Lock the door**

I retrieve the ammonia
And pour it into the bucket of bleach
The room is small and the maximum capacity of one has been reached
Something comes out of the bucket
A cloud of gas
Finally something will carry me home
Freedom alas

The room starts to fill
My lungs start to burn
It's taking so long
Death is all I yearn

What if someone found me
What if I break their heart
Maybe I shouldn't do this
It could tear them apart
So I dump out my concoction
And I walk away
No one ever found out
And I lived another day