I wrote to you of all things I went through.
Things I’ve never told anybody else.
In hopes that you would see what I see.
I didn’t give you a return address.
I couldn’t risk giving up my location.
But I did give you a phone number that you refuse to call.
So if I see you again do not tell me that I gave you no chances.
I gave you plenty.
You were just too lazy to reach out and take one.
If we meet again I’ll tell you of all things I did without your help.
In hopes of you feeling guilty, and me feeling like I’ve won.
I’m just sorry that we can never makes amends.

It comes in waves now.
It's funny the kind of things that trigger it.
A certain word
A certain place
A certain smell.
Then it all comes flooding back in and you go back to that moment
You think of the things you should have done differently
If only you had known what would happen.
"If I had known I could have stopped it." You say in your mind.

But you have to remember that these things happen for a reason and what happened was not your fault and getting past it has made you the amazing person you are today.

It'll all be okay.

Grow
Learn
Shine
God knows you deserve it.
And if, on your journey, we meet again.
I won't be hostile
I will give you a warm smile
I will offer some encouragement.
If we are meant to be, then honey we will be.

I rip a sheet of paper from a stolen notebook and quickly scribble my number on it using a borrowed pen. And shove my engagement ring in my pocket. So tempted to approach you after so many years and give you my number. I imagine it, confidently strutting over to you and handing that piece of yellow lined paper saying, “I would love to go for coffee.” Knowing how ****** of a person I’d be to do it. But so lonely and desperate enough to not care. “Just do it, just walk over and give it to him. He can decide what he wants to do with it.” But then your friend comes back and how he broke me I couldn’t do it. I watched you leave with my ring still in my pocket, and that stolen piece of paper in my hand. “Next time.” I promise myself. As I put my ring back on, and my number in my pocket.

We lived for sparkle eye shadow that lasted through harsh thunderstorms and our broken-hearted tears.
Claiming if the sparkles could make it, we could too.
I never thought that the sparkles would outlive us though.
They were just sparkles, after all, we put them on expecting them to work like glue,
Glue that could hold your broken together just enough to make it through another day.
But you can't expect sparkle eyeshadow to hold a friendship together.
I had to wipe mine off at some point.
I left the makeup remover wipe on the counter filled with sparkles, to let you find the glue that you needed.

You fell to the bottom of the sea,
You expected me to save you.
I told you I couldn’t.
Sometimes you do everything for someone and it's still not enough.
I didn't want to drown trying to save you because I knew,
That we would have both ended up dead.
At the bottom of the sea.