you were never kind to me
it's like i always have to follow you aimlessly
and i wish in another universe, i never had to:
one where you no longer exist
unlike here in this timeline where i ask for death and you give me life
when i ask for peace and you provide a bridge

you were never kind to me
and just like hope, i wish there was enough of you when i needed you most
please don't run away when i'm inches towards my dreams
i never wanted to chase you but you always move farther until my hands trembles and seeks more of you
i can't turn you back nor expect you to be what you weren't today
time

bedtime musings, part II.

i've read the first prose i've written for you months ago while listening to midnight sky inside the class.
it feels like we were alone with art, literature, music, sadness and fear.

fear that you might be farther away soon.
more distant than where you were today.
and though i wanted to hold you, i may not be able to do so.
you were the only right among the fifty question exam, the sole answer.

i know you, like my favorite place, your scent will always be my most familiar one, and your hand would always be my honor to hold.
tu me manques.
you are missing from me.

hate and agony

you see, as i was stirring my iced coffee and felt it near my chest, i never thought the outside cold could keep me warm

the same way the fire ablazed could quench the numb, making me feel a different brew, late morning of 120th independence day.

hate. i took my first sip--
the long journey of the cold water down my throat to my grumbling stomach
i thought of yours,

for all the days i've met anew
dark and blank thoughts you've thrown aflew

for all the cold nights and misty mornings

for all the rush i felt was true,
your breeze will the hardest to take my mind off to

---

agony. i was halfway through---
the hazy surrounding clouds my mind
my body was calling for a trickle of water
while my rhyme has gone awry

i've been feeling your leaving
how it'll awaken my demons and long for--
the apologies and paradoxes,
your scent and your smile,
the voice that screams through my mind.

i never knew how
and now i feel like i am getting ready for something i should have been on feet for
i never knew how to start
when all this long i've been seeing the omega
i never knew how to end this and pack my bags
that in the morning i kiss you goodbye
i'd be awaken from a dream, an epic of mystery and sadness

and i will feel a hole in my heart for something missing i left from that dream--
my guide as i wandered through the tangled vines and flooded streams
my feet when i couldn't stand and my mouth when i couldn't speak
the armor who covered the darkness with light--

---

as i open my eyes,
let me find you.
and allow me as my eyes bleeds to the ground
searching for your tracks

that is why i am telling you
don't sleep tight
i won't let go of that light

i would have held your hands tighter along the alley way
but i didn't
and you know why

i would have slow danced you in the midst of that railway
but i didn't
and you know why

i would have looked straight into your soul that afternoon
but i just glanced
and you kept staring

i would have given my heart wholly
but you already have another's half
and we both know

To all who have loved:

If fear is thus vanquished
by the stars
or the being above it
perhaps the psyche

i would have believe in the stars
and how i would have prayed to god
and face the other side of my mind

you were the only choice among the series of accidents
the expected among the unexpected
the answer to the long-held questions
the miracle among the mysteries

i wish i could draw you in my mind
the same way it could hear your voice
and differentiate every emotion in every song
i was writing on my way out of the darkness
and i wish i wouldn't get out

if by chance, it would be the hurt i will be willing to receive
the pain i'm all the way through willing to feel
every minute, every second
the agony i'll be willing to wait

you were the only choice i wanted to take
you were the first.

let's say, we are in our phones right now

and if we do not communicate

it was as if we are not in company of each other

but when someone's physically around

you could just enjoy the silence.

and be practically fine and contented