i swallowed every word
gulped down the abuse
devoured the self disgust

i ate the world whole

I died once
then twice
gracefully, painlessly
willingly, endlessly
I died
night after night
yet always woke up alive

is it cold in the water?
were you shadowed by distress?
did your void turn to wonder?
do you hurt any less?

it must have been the current
everybody said
but half the life you spent
you did already dead

the scar in the wounded ground
where your grave was dug won't heal
everpresent welt
meridian bisecting my heart

I've kept your cadaver in bed
for exactly a hundred years
wishing you'd wake up with me one day
but I haven't been able to sleep

I wish my parents hadn't been musicians
and hadn't transformed into sound
and hear all their absent parts play loud

Is it soft, or bouncy? A disc or a balloon?

Crescent, cold, and planetary. I think I am the moon.

living in the walls
creatures gelatinous
thronging the corridors
rising at night
I cannot see the end
only darkness and depth
under the floorboards a grave
direct passage to hell

i'm spinning apart
the atoms of my body reversing polarity
working up a particle war
between my colliding halves

unconsummated snow
melting in the sun
choreographing blooming bulbs
sown below the sheets
warm flowering fantasies
with nectar gushing down
the freckled blossoms of my dreams
craving hands fluttering south
like migrating butterflies

I don't want to close my eyes
if the moon is smiling
and staring at the sky
doesn't make me blind
when my mind fluoresces
from between the shadows
let me stay awake
and lay bare with the night
sleep is for the worn
I am still intact

As in the moon is the endless night
And in the sun the infinite flame
The morning glories in a birdsong
And all the shadows in hell
So in my prayer is the plead
To the poet and the devil
“Make a rhyme! Set a fire!”
As in my blood flows ferrous magic
And in my howl demonic rage

a ghost hiding in the haze
the kind of which i came to be
a silhouette, pale and sheer

a bleached semblance with no shape
limbs stretching out, dissolving in the air
a draft whistling your name

a saint who ****** himself for this
became a soul to grasp a chance
but hollowness is all there is

I died a week ago
it was caught on tape
in shallow depth of field
my very last breath

teñida de rojo llegas a casa
todas las noches, todas las mañanas
de agua salada creció un río en mi alma
y un sepulcro debajo de tu cama
a la hora de dormir cuento puñaladas
y me arrulla el crujir de tu espina fracturada
el eco reverbera en el cañón de mis entrañas
en mis sueños con tus últimas palabras
niña ponte tu falda favorita
y suelta a tu hermana
no le temas a la noche
que muerta ya no pasa nada.

you drink the poison our lies pour
I drink it too
in agony our bodies entwine
for fear or love or neither one
in unison we die
held in each other's arms
but worlds apart

you have to break your body first
before you find your soul
so I'm pulling my teeth out
and scratching every sore

but it is in dreams alone
where I can see the hole
and dig a little more
until I find my ghost

if by the morning I'm still whole
make sure to cut me up
break my body first
then rip apart my soul

la luna tiene la intención
entre las cortinas de gasa
de tocar mi habitación

desliza su brazo largo
buscando my pezón
perla que conduce al corazón

de mi carne mortal
no puede deshacerse
su rayo albo polvoroso

sola en la galaxia mengua
y en la tierra los lobos escuchan
cuando la luna aúlla

you say hi
and I undress
morals quiet down
engaged in acrobatics
of extramarital art
rendered mortals
fleeting the charge
of forbidden desire
in dark corridors
and numbered rooms
beneath my ribs
where our hopes riven
by uncertain goodbyes

no existo
soy el reflejo de mi mismo
la forma que se oculta entre las sombras
del desierto soy el espejismo

soy el tiempo que perdiste
soy esa oración que hiciste

no existo
soy la anticipación del momento
soy la grieta que se hace en el cemento
soy tan solo un intento

no existo
soy lo que nadie esta sintiendo
no existo
pero sigo siendo

I went too deep and drowned
looking for a pearl, holding in my breath
pressure burst my heart
water filled my lungs
the day went dark
and it got cold
pockets full of stones, I sunk

tender flesh
rippled synapses connect
through ligaments and thoughts
the heart contracts
love coagulates
on the wrist a scarlet line
pools the loneliness at night
dampening the mystery of suicide

the neighbour can taste the rot
puppy whining in the hall
shadows grow thicker than blood
the moon witnessed it all

no clemency for sinners
rattles in the womb
a modern crucifixion
on wrong you didn't do
life is penitence
so long as isn't yours

take me to the place
where you outstare the night
with the pleiades burn out
teach me like the sea to flow
of the shore be the ebbing tide
help me comb the leafless trees
and sweep our trails from the snow
so no one knows we're lost
and try to collect our bones
let them think we will return
as the murmur of the wind
don't make me sing with dried up lungs
just take me to where I am not

midnight curling in my hair
soigné drapery in tangled disguise
cascading indolently down my back
and on my fingers twined
sinuous complexity in every strand
fringing the pride in my eyes

no flesh, no bone
no spine holding up a cause
my name pronounced in passive tense
in the voice of a ghost
nobody to claim my gold
it's all turned to dust
and as i drift further from home
all gone with a gust

long shadow in the corner
haunting presence, ghastly threat
dark replicating sketch
of my mind's delirious dread
siphoning out the terror
that stirs inside my head

my father asked no pension for his verses
and left no sounds in the house
it wasn't him but the music that died

I asked my mother for his guitar
she gave me a handful of ash

I became a bride at twelve
wearing my mother's jewels
in haste, in heat, by mistake
at the fair with a ticket
you said to keep the secret

at fifteen I am a widow
in my bed your headless body
freezing cold at noon
time now moves in shudders
my father looks like you

god and torment, fire and paradise
faith is the cross on our backs
when we pray, we're just closing our eyes

long growing in my soul
the most bitter wrong
threatens to dissolve the marrow
to make a model from the shadows
and hoping to elude hell
I carved a marble smile
and stood on a half shell
veiled in artful wiles
but still my hands are sharp
and my skin is cold
and all the glass in the world
shatters if I say a word

wisps of dawn
in rhythmic intervals
trickle down in the dark
flooding the night

woolen dreams damp
heavy on the line
shrinking to half the size
the dress I wear tonight

I imagined it all
it was cold, umber, decaying
turned a dim monotone
the last standing, trembling
wishing the shadows undone

but crueler than the nightmare
of our hideous mocking despair
was the beauty, the peace
the purity of the earth amiss

la imagen de un santo
aparece en mi desvelo
protegiéndome del tiempo
del fantasma y lo real

detona mi fé nuclear
explosión en la obscuridad
iluminando la ausencia
que hace al dolor poeta
y a la muerte belleza

en el redil de la locura
el final del mundo es fortuna

in the gulf of our desire
I freed the fleeting regret
of letting you see me dancing
and letting you kiss me insane
for the sky over the ocean
turned dark and ****** red
as the sun sunk below my horizontal faith
witnessing your unbothered death

pale from altitude
architecture of a soul
rugged cliffs, broken rocks
peaks, slopes and valleys
grinding plates below the soil
standing tall in depths unknown
fainting at the very touch
of winds coming from above

I had chocolate chips for breakfast
a few palpitations for lunch
the weight of loneliness for dinner

I saved the memory of a lover for dessert
but I'm already full
maybe tomorrow
with dreams of a big house sprinkled over
and a cup of distilled tears

my mother never cried
her eyes she emptied of their water
so she wouldn't drown

she was a poetess yesterday
and a beast the night I was born
there was no milk left on her *******
only vinegar and blood

she strikes me just to hear the sound
my mouth a shape she cannot recognize
her fingers are hooks
sunk in my cheeks, my thighs, my spine

her anger lodged in my throat
as I try her dresses and twirl in the room
to keep her burdensome corpse company
until the coroner comes
I'll tell them she's just taking a nap

I can't explain the rot, it's been there all her life

mad and moonly
under me so new
sprouting in love
the seed of lust

half curled fronds
brushing the sand
where desire is set
and in my breath spent

warm summer winds
the night have wet
with the spray of seas
soaked in regret

of the flesh
that has been severed
spills a soul
blood and bone
were the womb
where stays soft
yet past nine months
it rots
one might find
tendons torn
dragging a child
back home

all love has been spent
as currency of their intent
and instead a debt of unadulterated rage
like that of Romeo and Juliet

mom is misery, dad is bliss
the kids a thought in the midst
of truly beautiful things
to make them forget their sins

parents divorce twice befell
once in heaven, once in hell
ears ringing with wedding bells
the family trauma unveils

of name untold and pain unsure
in the penultimate hour of the day
a shadow, a murmur, an imprint in the bed
the smallest child next door is dead

The world outside is quiet now
but there is music in the room
sweet mechanical staccato
to the rhythm of machines
a marching tune to depart
in wonder toward the setting stars