You loved me.
I was scared.
So were you.
We both chose the easier options.
Yours with the good job and big house.
Mine with the good soul and big heart.
But we never lost sight
Of each other.
It Did Happen To Me
I stumbled home and showered but
I needed Plan B
So I put on shoes I’d never worn before
from Target that I’d bought the day before
Same as the dress
Clean jeans, a nice sweater, and walked to Walgreens
And the shoes cut painful blisters
I went to the counter, head down
Long blond hair concealing my shame
And asked for the medicine that would save me
From more pain.
The pharmacist glared at me
She needed ID
But you see
My purse had been taken the night before
I only had the cash on me
So I turned around and walked back
To the apartment that never felt like a home
Because at least I knew my passport
Was somewhere in my underwater drawer
By this time, my new shoes had shredded my heals
After only a couple of blocks
But I walked back to that pharmacy
With the confirmation of my identity
Which I was trying to keep safe for me
Which felt like it had just been taken from me
To get the cure
To stop the future from being
I never really hated it
In fact, my first conscious thought of it
It was kinder to me
Than some of my peers
Not in the way
I would learn that to be
Yes, I had a pimple
But for the most part
My skin stayed kind to me
My skin was different though
From my sister's skin
Who was alabaster pale
I thought she was so beautiful
With her snow white skin
and ice blue eyes
And, my God I was so jealous
Of what seemed to be her win
In the genetic lottery
I always felt... something important
About my place in the sun
Her skin burned
When mine bronzed
Her blue eyes squinted
When my brown eyes opened
I understand the consequences of conventional beauty
I'm glad that I can simmer and see
She's always hated the beach
And I've always been pulled
To the sea
Because she is so beautiful
With her ivory skin and sky blue eyes
But I never feel more alive
Sun-soaked and covered in sand
Long, sun-bleached hair
Dried curly with salt
It's so anti-climactic
I could ******* scream
Most terrible dream
You said all the cruelest things
Felt just like old times
I've heard revenge described as sweet.
But sweet is rarely a lingering satisfaction
Sweet is too much candy on Halloween
And a cloying stomach that ends your night early
Sweet is syrup for breakfast
And then the sugar crash
Where your saccharine brain can't learn math
Sweet is birthday cake turned tooth ache
Sweet is cupcakes turned muffin top
Sweet is indulgence turned disease.
Maybe revenge really is sweet.
It is not our responsibility to hold other people’s pain.
It is our responsibility to show sympathy.
It is our responsibility to be kind.
It is our responsibility to offer support.
It is our responsibility to give love.
But we are not required to empty ourselves out
To become a basin for someone else’s ache.
Or cut ourselves on their shards.
You cannot hold up a drowning person.
They’ll pull you under.
But you can throw them a line
And hope they grab on.