I don't like talking to you
Because I'm scared I'll be awkward
And make you hate me

I don't look at you in the halls
Because I'm scared you'll look back
And my chest will fall

I avoid texting back
Because I'm scared I'll send some dumb text
I'll regret later on

I look to my feet
Not because I'm scared of you,
But I'm scared of the hate

I'm a coward, afraid of the people in the world
Their judgment, their problems, their lives
I'm scared that if I love someone
I'll destroy them as much as I am

I promise you, I don't hate you
I'm not trying to avoid you
I'm just terrified
Of loving you.

I look into your eyes
The windows to your soul
I become scared
My dear,
I see your demons

I try to help you
To make you feel loved
But why won't you listen?
Why do you run?
People love you, you know

I roll up your sleeves
And tears stream down my face
As I see the cuts
I look you in the eyes
I tell you I love you

"Let me help you my dear,
I won't let this go on
You are too amazing for this
Too important to people,
Too beautiful my dear."

I look in your eyes
As tears stream down my face
Your demons have disappeared
But so have you
I am scared
Of those dead, lifeless eyes

You've heard of clickbait?
What lures you in?
The things with all the colors?
What's all just sin?

That's her
And everything she is
It's all just...
Clickbait

She puts makeup on everyday
Makes herself look all nice and pretty
Innocent and pure
But its just a lure

She will pretend to love you
And you'll love her
But in her mind...
She wants you to cry.

She will take you in
And kick you out
Because under that mask
Is a demon of guilt

You thought she was just evil?
A girl isn't born that way
She does that only
Because it's happened to her

Over.. and over
Over... and over
Over... and over
And over again

And she's done the same
She is stuck in a loop
And she can't get out
She is scared of her self doubt

Her face is pretty
Innocent and pure
But my darling...
She is pure gore

How far would you go,

To save me from jumping
Off the highest bridge

To save me from crying
Almost every night

To save me from screaming
Until my lungs give out

To save me from people judging
My self-love out

How far would you go

To help me
Before it's too late

You pass right through me
As if I am a ghost
As if I felt nothing
But, oh, I feel everything
I feel so much everyday

You think you see right through me
As if you can tell I am lying
But explain to me you should
Why don't you catch my fake happiness
When I lie about being happy

Your laughter doesn't pass through me
As you think it does
It hits me hard
Right in my heart
And knocks the breath out of me

You think I can't hear you
As if I am deaf
But what if I told you
I hear everything
Every little breath

You look at me and laugh
And think I see nothing
But I am not blind you see
For if I was blind
I wouldn't have insecurities

You think so many things
You assume I am ok
But I am not a ghost you see
I am a human being
And I have feelings too, you know.

Blinded by the smoke
I let you slip
From my hands
Like a bar of soap
So delicate
Like a feather
Made of glass

Found myself wondering
Why I let myself
Be taken over
By my want
To save you

Found myself wondering
Why I'm letting myself
Be taken over
By selfishness
Because I only want you

Found myself wondering
Why I'm thinking these things
Without even
Wondering
Who I am

Echoes fill the room
All I can hear
The soft noises
That come from a person
I can not pin point where they are
Once again and forever alone
All I ask is to hear those voices clearly
To be understood

So I stand here in the rain
All I hear is the drops
Why do they seem so big to me
Like a brick hitting rock
A person is speaking to me
But it is not clear
For the rain drowns out the sound
I need so desperatly to hear

So I run to them
Run through the rain
And miracously I can reach them
When I run to them they stop
I grin a grin so big
They smirk and laugh at me
And insult me
And I run back

I sit alone in the dark
Only fire to warm me
To warm my broken heart
Unlike a broken bone
My scars will never heal
And I will always remember
That no one will ever care
But even if they do care
They won't understand

It stabs me every night
Giving me the worst fright
When I can see it in front of me
I want to cry or scream

The memories, the scenarios
Some include loved ones' burials
They are mostly fake, I can see
But I can't stop them from coming

I cry every night, depression? I'll never know
Sometimes I'm fine, but it hits me with a fatal blow
I can't stop feeling this way,
So please, don't try to help, it won't help anyway

I feel insane like rational thought has flown away
I know it isn't true, but I'm scared, so it'll stay
It seems to feed off my sadness, my fear, every inch of my being
And it makes me feel guilty, for, well, living.

I talk to my friends, talk to my family
They say, "You're fine, it'll go away"
So I try to ignore the screaming in my head,
But when I fail, I just cry myself to sleep instead

On the outside, I'm just like you
I laugh at the jokes you make
When you make fun of me
And it's as if they never could get to me
Never, at all

However, as much as I wish it was true
I'm too afraid of you.
I know you'll make fun of me more
If I told you how those jokes hurt

I can never express the things I like
Such as the music I enjoy,
Because I'll get in trouble
For it being so unpure

It may be my own fault I'm like this
I've let my fears and insecurities take over me
But honestly, I think it's just
The way you all raised me.
My classmates, parents, siblings, and cousins too
Your influence on me has taken control
As well as society's too

Outside me
I'm really happy!
All I do is smile!
Cause I'm always in hiding...

Long sleeves
To cover the scars...
Long sleeves
So no one can see

Smile smile
For the flashing camera
For in this world
You can't look sad

I'm happy, I'm happy!
Happy as can be
I'm so happy
So no one can see me...

I step on the walking stones
I don't know where they lead
I just hope they don't lead me home
Where I have planted a dangerous seed

Mama left dad and me all alone
And dad got sad and drank a lot
He walked around like a mindless drone
I tried to hide away, but I was caught

He got mad at me, and began to shout
He began to hit me, he was very mad
And in my mind, well I had no doubt
That this was my fault, that dad would never be glad

He drank more, he hit more
And mama never came back
She didn't save me from the horror
And I felt it was love I was always destined to lack

So I walk away, after very long years
On the stepping stones
Many bruises, many tears
But maybe in heaven I'll be less alone

So no matter what world, I'll love you all.

I held the fragile object in my hands
It’s veins clear in the sun
And I let go
And I watched it fall

It fell deeper
I felt afraid
I wanted to reach out and grab it
But I didn’t want it to burn me

I felt the leaf slip from me
The warmth I felt from it
As it fell, as did my joy
Because I don’t think I’ll get it back

Even if I know she loves me too

I build my life up with colorful legos
I take a break and admire my work
Bright, beautiful colors
All stacked up
Then someone comes along and kicks my legos
Bright, beautiful colors
All scattered across the floor
I pick up my legos and build again, and again, and again
I'm so tired but I don't stop
I don't take breaks so no one can knock my legos down
I tell myself keep going
Yet someone still comes and kicks down my legos
But this time I don't fix it, I am too tired
And I realize, that no matter how many times I rebuild
No matter how beautiful the legos are
Someone will come knock down my life
Untill I die
Do I have to continue building?

Too bright
They flash
Like morse code
From a lighthouse
I want to escape
I need to escape
Before I dissolve

But you hold me back

Fairy lights
Hung on the wall

I'd count each one
So bright and small

They look just like the stars
All up in the night sky

I'd hang those on my wall
If only I were that tall

So I'll just lay down and stare
At the lights, and at the stars

And I'll dream about the brightness
Of each tiny thing

And I'll be reminded
Maybe you do care

A little girl, in her room
Playing with dolls, out of the way of all doom

The little girl, now a bit older
Carries little burden, she is sober
She runs around the house happily,
But one night, she doesn't sleep

The teen girl, still growing up
Thought she had it all figured out
Thought she would never be this stuck
But with all the sleepless nights,
And all the memories in her head
That little girl, will never be the same again.

The girl, eyes deprived of life
Lies in her room, in the dead of night
The blood rushes onto the carpet,
And onto the dolls
As the once little girl
Couldn't take it anymore

Deeper, deeper I go
Searching for something inside of me
Is it happiness? Is it fear?
I couldn't tell, I don't know me

I grasp the light
And I look inside
I see little people
From my memories...

This is a happy one, they always seem to hide
They stay in my soul, away from the others
The sad ones? The scary ones? The angry ones?
Why, those are the ones inside my head

They play over and over, intill that one piece of light
Shines through and gives me happiness....
My friends and family are those lights, the ones that make me laugh...
Can't you see darling, that little light... that's you.

Let us sit together

And listen to the songs

We can look above

As we share our fears



My friends and I, we know no love

But for eachother

So--

What are we waiting for?



The first one who left,

She was so special

But her family was torn apart,

And she took the pills



She fell on the floor, oh what a sight

And with a final breath

She spoke to the night,

She said,



Look what this world did to me.

I couldn't take no more

But remember, when you look above,

I'll be looking right at you.

Don't worry-

You'll forget me.

I couldn't take the world head on

So now- I'm gone.



The next two girls,

What a future

They had...

In store



But the abuse and fear

Drove them to death,

So they cut their wrists

And said



Look what this world did to me.

I couldn't take no more

But remember, when you look above,

I'll be looking right at you.

Don't worry-

You'll forget me.

I couldn't take the world head on

So now- I'm gone.



The fourth one was so great,

But love shattered her brain

He left her

He forgot her.



She was confused, she was scared

It took all that she had, to tie

The final knot,

And look above, she said



Look what this world did to me.

I couldn't take no more

But remember, when you look above,

I'll be looking right at you.

Don't worry-

You'll forget me.

I couldn't take the world head on

So now- I'm gone.



The final girl I loved,

It was an accident

But, with my luck

She is gone...



He hurt her

He killed her

And now what do I have left?

Her final breath said



Look what this world did to me.

I couldn't take no more

But remember, when you look above,

I'll be looking right at you.

Don't worry-

You'll forget me.

I couldn't take the world head on

So now- I'm gone.



And me? Well I sit

Here writing this song.

Hoping that, my friends

Aren't gone.



Anything can happen

In a matter of seconds

I don't want to....

I can't lose you...



So please, don't leave me

Here lying awake

Just to look at the stars...



And see you

And see you...

A friend that's just... gone.

Loud
The noise drowns everyone out
The screams
They are the only one here

I try to hide
But the noise follows me
Inside and out
It kills me

I want to make it stop
I want someone to help
I need someone to just
Drown the noise out

Oh look at this
Something happened
You've created a lovely mess
That I have to clean up
And worry about

Oh look at that
I'm scared
At this lovely mess
That could hurt us
And leave us with scares

Oh look-y here
A lovely mess
Everwhere I look
And now they're mad
And I have to listen

Oh look and look
Something is happening
That's right, I'm cleaning
Up this lovely mess
You made
And I have to deal with

Their words are knives
Ripping open my flesh
And giving me scars
That don't look the best

I'll sit there and let them hurt me
And I'll laugh along as if it doesn't bother me
But once I get home...

I'll hop in the shower
Tears will stream down my face
I'll fall to the ground
Wondering "What's wrong with me?"

Is it my body?
My hair? My eyes?
The way I talk? The way I laugh?
It makes me want to stop existing just to see if they cry

But I know they won't.

These people aren't human,
But downright monsters.

They will laugh at a small 6-year-old boy
Who just lost his life by drowning.

They will giggle at someone crying
When it was their fault, to begin with.

They will make fun of anything that isn't their "normal"
When that person already wants to die.

They don't care about anyone's feelings,
Their hurt, their smiles
The only thing they want to do is laugh
At ripping others apart with knives

I watch
As the world
Falls around me

I hear
The cries
Of the broken

I know
The world
Doesn't mind the hurt

I touch
My friend's hand
As we both stand our ground

And they know
That me and my best friend
Won't ever fall

If only
You had a best friend like mine
Them maybe you would never cry

You know at school?
When they laugh at me
And I act all tough
As if they don't get to me

You know online?
How I let no one bother me
And I act as if I don't care
As if their words can't **** me

You know in public?
Where I try to stay quiet
I don't want anyone else
Talking about me

You don't know me.
How I breakdown at home
How I cry myself to sleep
Because no one will ever love me

All I do is write
Under the willow tree
This is my safe place
I call it my Willow Leaves

I heard them fighting again
So I ran and ran
To my safe place
My Willow Leaves

My emotions left
Or are they just crazy?
I don't care really though
I'm under my Willow Leaves

The school kids are annoying
Always gossiping
But all sadness rolls away
Under my Willow Leaves

During the winter my willow tree goes
My Willow Leaves gone for months
I'm always depressed during this time
I hate myself for being like this

No other place to run
No other place to vent
No other place to be safe
Other than my Willow Leaves