I adjust the temperature
Hot to cold,
Cold to hot,
But nothing seems to work.

I change my clothes
Casual to fancy,
Fancy to baggy,
But nothing seems to work.

I do my makeup
Natural or glamorous?
Glamorous or settle?
But nothing seems to work

I do these many things,
All around my home
But nothing seems to change
My lack of self love.

Please don't cry
When you see my body
During my funeral
Nor during my burial

Please don't cry
When you find out how I died
When you know how it happened
How it all went down

Please don't cry
I wasn't sad when I died
I was rejoicing when I saw the Lord
When I knew I was gone

Please don't cry
I didn't
I was happier when I left the evil
And cruelty of the Earth

So wipe your tears from your cheeks
And just look above
For I have met the Lord
And we are looking down upon you

I wake
The sun shines through my window
I look out
The grass swiftly blows in the gentle breeze
Trees use there arms and wave to me
I don't want to go outside though
Instead I stay in and hide from the evil of the world
I tell my friends I am not allowed to hang out today
When in reality I don't want to make them hate me
I tell the trees, the grass, and the sun goodbye for the last time
And I don't come out again

I sleep
The moon is the only light left
I look up
The stars fade away
The moon is growing dimmer and dimmer
The dark grass is still
The blackened trees no longer beckon to me
I want to go outside tonight
I walk out and feel the darkness swirl around me
I tell my friends goodbye for the last time
Looking at the moon, I follow
Following it to the edge of the forest I stop for a breath
Then I find any courage that hasn't abandoned me
And I walk in
Never to be found again

I am sleeping
In an endless sleep
But I'm not afraid
I walk out into a bright light
I think this is heaven
But it a hospital
Am I sick?
What happened?
I close my eyes
And I realize what happened
For my heart it a butterfly
So it must've flown away
But I am not ok.


I have lost the man I love
And he will never know it.

I lie awake in the darkness
And I run to turn on the light
The darkness won't swallow me tonight
The demons watch me from the hallway
Trying to close in
Trying to take over me
I try to run
But in this world called Earth
No one is safe
Inside me are monsters
Waiting for my breaking point
So they can control me
Causing my friends to run and my family to hide
Untill I am lonely and sad again
And I hurt myself again
And again
And again
Untill one last breath
And the pain is gone

The time of getting new supplies
And buying new clothes

The time students take time
To memorize their routes

The time teachers dread,
And students too

And the time I feel most insecure,
Cause I'm around you.

I'm a stowaway
On this empty ship

Broken glass all over the floor
Broken emotions that were inside

I'm tired of going to school
Of facing the people there

Why can't I just stay in bed?
It's safer in there...

Don't want to talk, don't want to smile
It's all fake, I know it

Trying to cover the words
My mouth just wants to speak

Trying to cover the sound
Of them gossiping about me

Trying to cover the sight
Of the glass on the floor

I hear the voice telling me to
Go, go, go

So I jump of the ship
Into a sea of hope

I fear I will drown
Or eaten by a shark

But what is life
Without fear and hope?

I run
You chase me
A classic game of tag

You tag me
We laugh
Well, you do at least

I keep running
You call after me
"Hey! You're it!"

I find a quiet forest
But you find me again
And get mad at me

"I'm sorry!" I say
But I don't
Really mean it

I was running from you
And your
Laughing face

But you thought it was all a game
But it wasn't a game to me
It was like a cat chasing a mouse

I was the mouse
Running for my life
And you were the cat

I don't get it
I don't want to play with you
This little 6 year old is too scared

This little girl has insecurities
So don't laugh at her
Life isn't a game of tag

But, please, keep laughing
Because to you life is a game of tag
And you should keep smiling before its too late

I want to smile
But I'm not happy
But I'm not like the others
I haven't found my fake smile
Because I'm not fake like the other girls
----------------------------------------------------------
­Why do I not wear makeup but the other girls do?
It's because I don't think I need it
Nor do I want it
I'm not secretly insecure like the other girls
-----------------------------------------------------------­---
While they gossip about me in corners
I don't like to talk bad about them
If I do they will hear
And they will start rumors about me
Untill I suddenly dissappear
------------------------------------------------------­-----
I don't get other girls
Why they curl their hair around their fingers
Why they always seem to get dates
Why I'm the one sitting alone
Being talked about
Called ugly, a nerd, lonely
----------------------------------------------------------­
I start to act like the other girls
And wear makeup and pretty clothes
Curl my hair around my finger and get dates
But I hate it
But I don't care that I hate it
I don't care I'm not happy
I never was happy
But at least now I'm accepted
--------------------------------------------------------­----
Why am I only accepted now?

I swallow air, as I'm pulled back under
The waves force me deeper, and deeper
    I look at the beach and the fun      
Secretly wishing I could be there to

I swim above once more
As I always do
No one seemed to notice me
Well, until you

You swam out to me
As I went under
You grabbed my hand
And held me closer

You left, but more came
And soon I reached the shore
And finally, maybe
I can enjoy life some more

I know you may leave,
And more may come
But I still love you guys
No matter what.

I want to glue my eyes shut
So I can't see anymore evil
I want to glue my ears shut
So I can't hear insults thrown at me
I want to glue my mouth shut
So I can trap the words about to escape my mouth
I want to put glue around my heart
So I can stop these emotions

Drip drop
A little rain

Drip drop
The pain still stays

Drip drop
I won't take it anymore

Drip drop
A rush of blood

Drip drop
I am no more

Deeper, deeper I go
Searching for something inside of me
Is it happiness? Is it fear?
I couldn't tell, I don't know me

I grasp the light
And I look inside
I see little people
From my memories...

This is a happy one, they always seem to hide
They stay in my soul, away from the others
The sad ones? The scary ones? The angry ones?
Why, those are the ones inside my head

They play over and over, intill that one piece of light
Shines through and gives me happiness....
My friends and family are those lights, the ones that make me laugh...
Can't you see darling, that little light... that's you.

If I talk no one will listen
If I speak no one will hear

If I look around and see you
You always disappear

I can chase and chase and chase you
But never in my life

Would I think that you'd ever
Be chasing me tonight

Drip, drip, drip
The water droplets go
I count each one
1, 2, 3
They all keep falling
Then they stop
And I am left with nothing to count

***, ***, ***
The drums all go
I feel each beat
1, 2, 3
They all keep drumming
Then the vibrations stop
And I am left with nothing to hear

War, hatred, crime
The Earth goes
I hear every cry
"Why, why, why"
Everything crumbles to dust
As the world stops
And I am left with nothing at all

How far would you go,

To save me from jumping
Off the highest bridge

To save me from crying
Almost every night

To save me from screaming
Until my lungs give out

To save me from people judging
My self-love out

How far would you go

To help me
Before it's too late

Oh look at this
Something happened
You've created a lovely mess
That I have to clean up
And worry about

Oh look at that
I'm scared
At this lovely mess
That could hurt us
And leave us with scares

Oh look-y here
A lovely mess
Everwhere I look
And now they're mad
And I have to listen

Oh look and look
Something is happening
That's right, I'm cleaning
Up this lovely mess
You made
And I have to deal with

I look into your eyes
The windows to your soul
I become scared
My dear,
I see your demons

I try to help you
To make you feel loved
But why won't you listen?
Why do you run?
People love you, you know

I roll up your sleeves
And tears stream down my face
As I see the cuts
I look you in the eyes
I tell you I love you

"Let me help you my dear,
I won't let this go on
You are too amazing for this
Too important to people,
Too beautiful my dear."

I look in your eyes
As tears stream down my face
Your demons have disappeared
But so have you
I am scared
Of those dead, lifeless eyes

How to describe what happens in my head?

Well, I guess I'll just start with this.

It's almost like a colorful storm that changes every day. The rain falling down is never the same. At night the rain turns acidic and tears me down. But in the morning, when I wonder what that was all about, the rain helps it all grow back.
It's weird, I'll admit, and I'm not sure anyone else feels this. But that the best way I can put my feelings into words
Without feeling it again

It's what sticks with us
For almost our whole lives
We waste all of our time
Being stabbed by these knives
Without stopping to think
"Where would we be without that?"
We don't stop and appreciate
Where we are now
The place we came to
Because of those events
And since we can never forgive ourselves
And never forget
We will never live our lives
And that's what we will always regret.

Ahead of me is a meadow
Full of beautiful flowers
I love to see every one of them
So vibrant in their color
Blue flowers, and pink flowers
Whichever will I choose?
I can't decide, so I take both
Both I love the same

She wants me to pick blue only
She'll hate me if I pick pink
Even if I choose both flowers
She'll never let me win
So I hide the pink flower from her
And my love for it
And show her my blue flower
And how much I adore it

I go to a silent corner
In my closet space
To hide from the horror
That has taken place

My mom is yelling
So is my dad
But I don't know why
I was just a little kid

My daddy goes away
To his mothers house
And my mom tries to explain to me
Why daddy left us now

She says they just didn't click
It had nothing to do with me
But what my mother doesn't know
Is that she is raising a sad kid

I blame myself
For dad leaving mom
And even my sisters
Two who understood what had taken place

And in that corner
Near my art and clay
I cry in memory
Of that horrid day

The walls keep me confined
This space I can't see
It keeps me

Every ounce of breath I have
Taken out of me
While my own thoughts consume me

My brain won't stop thinking
Anxiety and fears grip me
And I feel at a loss for control

I can lay alone in my own bed
But the darkness lays with me instead
And it doesn't let me sleep

I sleep, finally free
I awake, happy as can be
I feel fine, at peace with my mind

Then the darkness of the night comes again
And I can't see, can't breathe

Wash...
Rinse...
Repeat...

Sit...
Cry...
Weep...

Sometimes life can be a movie
With unexpected twists and turns,
But for me...

It seems to be the same game...
Over...
Over...
And over...

I think but cannot speak
I feel but cannot express
I try to write down my whole being
But it always comes out in a twist

I fail to write
I fail to speak
I fail to try my best
To talk to anybody

My words are jumbled, as well as my brain
The poems and pictures come out just the same
I don't know how to help myself
Get these emotions out

I watch
As the world
Falls around me

I hear
The cries
Of the broken

I know
The world
Doesn't mind the hurt

I touch
My friend's hand
As we both stand our ground

And they know
That me and my best friend
Won't ever fall

If only
You had a best friend like mine
Them maybe you would never cry

Our hearts are cold voids
Yearning to be filled
Yearning for some life form
To help us out

Our souls are blacker than midnight
Waiting to be helped
Needed some distraction
To help us become filled

Our minds are raging storms
No ending to be seen
Constantly breaking us down
Piece, by piece

Our bodies are a temple
That's what they say
But we still cut
Almost everyday

These are the things
No one seems to understand
They think we can be fixed
But the truth is, we probably never can

On the outside, I'm just like you
I laugh at the jokes you make
When you make fun of me
And it's as if they never could get to me
Never, at all

However, as much as I wish it was true
I'm too afraid of you.
I know you'll make fun of me more
If I told you how those jokes hurt

I can never express the things I like
Such as the music I enjoy,
Because I'll get in trouble
For it being so unpure

It may be my own fault I'm like this
I've let my fears and insecurities take over me
But honestly, I think it's just
The way you all raised me.
My classmates, parents, siblings, and cousins too
Your influence on me has taken control
As well as society's too