Drip, drip, drip
The water droplets go
I count each one
1, 2, 3
They all keep falling
Then they stop
And I am left with nothing to count

***, ***, ***
The drums all go
I feel each beat
1, 2, 3
They all keep drumming
Then the vibrations stop
And I am left with nothing to hear

War, hatred, crime
The Earth goes
I hear every cry
"Why, why, why"
Everything crumbles to dust
As the world stops
And I am left with nothing at all

I adjust the temperature
Hot to cold,
Cold to hot,
But nothing seems to work.

I change my clothes
Casual to fancy,
Fancy to baggy,
But nothing seems to work.

I do my makeup
Natural or glamorous?
Glamorous or settle?
But nothing seems to work

I do these many things,
All around my home
But nothing seems to change
My lack of self love.

I run
You chase me
A classic game of tag

You tag me
We laugh
Well, you do at least

I keep running
You call after me
"Hey! You're it!"

I find a quiet forest
But you find me again
And get mad at me

"I'm sorry!" I say
But I don't
Really mean it

I was running from you
And your
Laughing face

But you thought it was all a game
But it wasn't a game to me
It was like a cat chasing a mouse

I was the mouse
Running for my life
And you were the cat

I don't get it
I don't want to play with you
This little 6 year old is too scared

This little girl has insecurities
So don't laugh at her
Life isn't a game of tag

But, please, keep laughing
Because to you life is a game of tag
And you should keep smiling before its too late

I'm a stowaway
On this empty ship

Broken glass all over the floor
Broken emotions that were inside

I'm tired of going to school
Of facing the people there

Why can't I just stay in bed?
It's safer in there...

Don't want to talk, don't want to smile
It's all fake, I know it

Trying to cover the words
My mouth just wants to speak

Trying to cover the sound
Of them gossiping about me

Trying to cover the sight
Of the glass on the floor

I hear the voice telling me to
Go, go, go

So I jump of the ship
Into a sea of hope

I fear I will drown
Or eaten by a shark

But what is life
Without fear and hope?

The time of getting new supplies
And buying new clothes

The time students take time
To memorize their routes

The time teachers dread,
And students too

And the time I feel most insecure,
Cause I'm around you.

Drip drop
A little rain

Drip drop
The pain still stays

Drip drop
I won't take it anymore

Drip drop
A rush of blood

Drip drop
I am no more

How far would you go,

To save me from jumping
Off the highest bridge

To save me from crying
Almost every night

To save me from screaming
Until my lungs give out

To save me from people judging
My self-love out

How far would you go

To help me
Before it's too late

Deeper, deeper I go
Searching for something inside of me
Is it happiness? Is it fear?
I couldn't tell, I don't know me

I grasp the light
And I look inside
I see little people
From my memories...

This is a happy one, they always seem to hide
They stay in my soul, away from the others
The sad ones? The scary ones? The angry ones?
Why, those are the ones inside my head

They play over and over, intill that one piece of light
Shines through and gives me happiness....
My friends and family are those lights, the ones that make me laugh...
Can't you see darling, that little light... that's you.

Wash...
Rinse...
Repeat...

Sit...
Cry...
Weep...

Sometimes life can be a movie
With unexpected twists and turns,
But for me...

It seems to be the same game...
Over...
Over...
And over...

I want to smile
But I'm not happy
But I'm not like the others
I haven't found my fake smile
Because I'm not fake like the other girls
----------------------------------------------------------
­Why do I not wear makeup but the other girls do?
It's because I don't think I need it
Nor do I want it
I'm not secretly insecure like the other girls
-----------------------------------------------------------­---
While they gossip about me in corners
I don't like to talk bad about them
If I do they will hear
And they will start rumors about me
Untill I suddenly dissappear
------------------------------------------------------­-----
I don't get other girls
Why they curl their hair around their fingers
Why they always seem to get dates
Why I'm the one sitting alone
Being talked about
Called ugly, a nerd, lonely
----------------------------------------------------------­
I start to act like the other girls
And wear makeup and pretty clothes
Curl my hair around my finger and get dates
But I hate it
But I don't care that I hate it
I don't care I'm not happy
I never was happy
But at least now I'm accepted
--------------------------------------------------------­----
Why am I only accepted now?

I look into your eyes
The windows to your soul
I become scared
My dear,
I see your demons

I try to help you
To make you feel loved
But why won't you listen?
Why do you run?
People love you, you know

I roll up your sleeves
And tears stream down my face
As I see the cuts
I look you in the eyes
I tell you I love you

"Let me help you my dear,
I won't let this go on
You are too amazing for this
Too important to people,
Too beautiful my dear."

I look in your eyes
As tears stream down my face
Your demons have disappeared
But so have you
I am scared
Of those dead, lifeless eyes

I go to a silent corner
In my closet space
To hide from the horror
That has taken place

My mom is yelling
So is my dad
But I don't know why
I was just a little kid

My daddy goes away
To his mothers house
And my mom tries to explain to me
Why daddy left us now

She says they just didn't click
It had nothing to do with me
But what my mother doesn't know
Is that she is raising a sad kid

I blame myself
For dad leaving mom
And even my sisters
Two who understood what had taken place

And in that corner
Near my art and clay
I cry in memory
Of that horrid day

I watch
As the world
Falls around me

I hear
The cries
Of the broken

I know
The world
Doesn't mind the hurt

I touch
My friend's hand
As we both stand our ground

And they know
That me and my best friend
Won't ever fall

If only
You had a best friend like mine
Them maybe you would never cry

Oh look at this
Something happened
You've created a lovely mess
That I have to clean up
And worry about

Oh look at that
I'm scared
At this lovely mess
That could hurt us
And leave us with scares

Oh look-y here
A lovely mess
Everwhere I look
And now they're mad
And I have to listen

Oh look and look
Something is happening
That's right, I'm cleaning
Up this lovely mess
You made
And I have to deal with

I want to glue my eyes shut
So I can't see anymore evil
I want to glue my ears shut
So I can't hear insults thrown at me
I want to glue my mouth shut
So I can trap the words about to escape my mouth
I want to put glue around my heart
So I can stop these emotions

How to describe what happens in my head?

Well, I guess I'll just start with this.

It's almost like a colorful storm that changes every day. The rain falling down is never the same. At night the rain turns acidic and tears me down. But in the morning, when I wonder what that was all about, the rain helps it all grow back.
It's weird, I'll admit, and I'm not sure anyone else feels this. But that the best way I can put my feelings into words
Without feeling it again

If I talk no one will listen
If I speak no one will hear

If I look around and see you
You always disappear

I can chase and chase and chase you
But never in my life

Would I think that you'd ever
Be chasing me tonight

Slippery roads twist and bend
Around the forests and the creeks
Blue, red, green
Dark, fluffy hair falls messily
Brown and black flannels frame

Bony hands and chipped nails hold onto swings
Grass-stained jeans rock back and forth
Messy, brave, boisterous
And a jump onto the mulch
Cuts and bruises covered in band-aids

Chunky, oversized jackets
Smooth and deep voices
Masc, masc, masc
Black masks only revealing brown eyes
Playing sports in a thunderstorm

Wrong childhood
Wrong body
Wrong voice
Resulting in this overwhelming Gender Envy

You know at school?
When they laugh at me
And I act all tough
As if they don't get to me

You know online?
How I let no one bother me
And I act as if I don't care
As if their words can't **** me

You know in public?
Where I try to stay quiet
I don't want anyone else
Talking about me

You don't know me.
How I breakdown at home
How I cry myself to sleep
Because no one will ever love me

If our body could talk, what would it say?

Would our legs complain
About walking all day?

Would our eyes scream
At some things we have seen?

Would our arms talk
All day, non-stop?

Would our ears cry
At the things we hear and try?

Would our stomachs yearn
For food, maybe just a little more?

Is your mind silent
Either calm or numb?

Or is it screaming
Just waiting to be told
That it's okay?

I step on the walking stones
I don't know where they lead
I just hope they don't lead me home
Where I have planted a dangerous seed

Mama left dad and me all alone
And dad got sad and drank a lot
He walked around like a mindless drone
I tried to hide away, but I was caught

He got mad at me, and began to shout
He began to hit me, he was very mad
And in my mind, well I had no doubt
That this was my fault, that dad would never be glad

He drank more, he hit more
And mama never came back
She didn't save me from the horror
And I felt it was love I was always destined to lack

So I walk away, after very long years
On the stepping stones
Many bruises, many tears
But maybe in heaven I'll be less alone

So no matter what world, I'll love you all.

Our hearts are cold voids
Yearning to be filled
Yearning for some life form
To help us out

Our souls are blacker than midnight
Waiting to be helped
Needed some distraction
To help us become filled

Our minds are raging storms
No ending to be seen
Constantly breaking us down
Piece, by piece

Our bodies are a temple
That's what they say
But we still cut
Almost everyday

These are the things
No one seems to understand
They think we can be fixed
But the truth is, we probably never can

All roses need thorns
For protection
From whatever comes their way

They always seem prepared.

But I'm a rose too,
Just without thorns
So why am I looked down upon?
Is it because I'm different?
I don't understand

I grew up without my thorns
So I cried a lot
They said I was a baby
But I just wasn't strong like them

Life likes to play with me

It throws things at me
Bad, mean things
But I have no thorns
And now I know why they don't like me
Why they tease me

It's because nobody likes a weakling.
And everybody loves to **** them.
From the inside out
IN TILL NOTHING IS LEFT BUT A SHELL OF A HUMAN. IN TILL THEY HAVE BROKEN HER SO MUCH, THAT SHE KILLS HERSELF. AND NOW WHAT? ARE YOU GONNA LAUGH AT THAT?

no

because they've moved on
because nobody cared about a rose without thorns
but that's okay
because she doesn't have to see you again




Lucky her.