Alessia

Alessia Feb 2018

I have trouble opening up to people
Must be hard to believe
Considering I write poetry for the world to see
But something about looking into the eyes of a person makes me crumble against my will

It’s hard to understand why I can’t talk to the ones I love without the voice in my head
‘No one cares’
Those three words repeated in my head over and over again
The voice of the people
I’ve tried to block out

I’ve had teachers forget my names in classes that I’ve attended for months
I guess it explains why I’m so good at hiding
It’s a skill for playing hide and seek and tag with your little cousins
But in the real world it’s the reason I have about 3 social skills

It’s easier to make friends online
I’ve done it so much I’ve forgotten how to hold a conversation with a person in real life when I can’t blame my mistakes on autocorrect
I’m not afraid of my friends online being rapists or predator
I find it’s more likely for the people in my everyday life to be them instead

I can’t use the excuse of being a small town girl tryna make it big
Because I grew up in the city were three homeless men were found dead in the past week
Maybe that’s why I have trouble talking to new people
Because I don’t want to be another unidentifiable body laying lifeless on the street I grew up on.

Because it’s easier to keep my mouth shut in class
Don’t raise your hand or you’ll be targeted by everyone who got the answer wrong
Maybe that why I over share my life online
I can block the people who hate me online, but I can’t block the ones who sit next to me in math class

Alessia Feb 2018

Valentines Day

Just another holiday where the people in relationships buy overpriced chocolates for the ones they love
And the singles buy the same chocolate half priced the next day

I used to think Valentine’s Day was a magical one
Where my Prince Charming would come and kiss me in front of everyone
And after 14 years the closest thing I’ve come into contact with a male was accidental touching their hand while grabbing a pencil
I mean Snow White was my age when she got her happily ever after so why can’t I get mine
Maybe he just got lost and is to stubborn to ask for directions
Or he’s pulling a push door without realizing it so he’s stuck
But in all honesty I don’t think he’s coming

But who knows maybe my Prince Charming will wear sundresses and he will be a she
Or maybe he’ll wear eyeliner and listen to punk rock like I do
Or maybe he won’t be he or a she and will wear flannel that I’ll end up stealing from them
Or maybe they won’t ever show up

Its ok tho cause while you and your boyfriend eat overpriced chocolate
I’ll be eating the same chocolate for half the price

Alessia Feb 2018

Hello my name is

Hello my names anxiety
I forgot what trust tastes like
I stopped caring about the world before the world could stop caring about me
I was taught to break myself so others couldn’t break me down
I’ve grown afraid of waking up in the morning
The same way I was afraid to never wake up in the morning

Hello my name is female
I’ve witnessed the girls in my life get cat called by men on the streets before I knew what a cat call was
I had to teach my self what a period was because we don’t talk about those things in school
Because of guys who got grossed about over a women’s ****** the same guys who watched hours of **** before going to bed

Hello my name is 13
But I’m not supposed to tell you that because my age makes me less of myself
Because I can’t know about the world problems before I’m 18, Apparently
Because when you were my age the world wasn’t your problem

Hello my name is queer
I’m scared to tell people because I’ve seen kids abandoned for loving those they love
Because mom and dad make homophobic jokes
Then tell me it’s okay they have gay friends
I’m to afraid to tell a girl I love her because her friends don’t like my type of love

Hello my names society told me I’m not good enough
Because of the people I love
Because of the gender I was born as
Because of the age I am
Because of the mental illness I have
Because being me just isn’t good enough

Hey... my names Alessia
And I’m just trying to be happy

Alessia Feb 2018

From Afar

I watch you from afar
Taking in your features
How u have mole on your left eye
How you stumble on your words
How your eyes shine brighter then any star
And when your thinking hard you look up at the sky

I pay attention to you
Even if I was never worth a second glance in your eyes
But to me your my sun
And like the world I revolve around you

I thought what I felt for you was clearly platonic
But the little things about you made me feel tingles down my spine
And I can't tell you how I really feel so I wrote it poorly in a sonnet
And I'll say I love you a thousand times till you say it back
Even if it lacks everything true

I always watch you from afar
Cause your the one thing that showed me how to love
And you didn't even teach me it yourself
Because what I feel for you cannot be explained in a paragraph of terrible poetry

Alessia Feb 2018

Her And The Moon

The girl with the empty pockets
She has the biggest smile
She always had the loudest laugh
And if it wasn't so beautiful you'd think she was obnoxious
She did everything right

She got good grades she was a volunteer and most of all she always and a smile on her face
That's till the sun went down and the sky was illuminated by the moons light
That's when the truth came out
Came out like the tears flowing down her face like the Nile

It doesn't seem so wrong
Cause now a days those who bear the biggest smiles were those who cried themselves to sleep
She cries over her mother
How the only memory of her was kept in a tiny locket
She cried over her father
But he will always be there

She was a good girl
If you knew the truth about her you'd think her life is unfair
Yet you never wanted to get to know her

Cause you could never be friends with someone so nice
Personality less you said
The taunting you gave her
She never showed you how she felt about it
She'd just smile and go white knuckled

The only people who knew the truth
Was herself and the moon
As she laid in bed
Tears streaming down her eyes
The moon would stroke her back at tell her it's okay
And one night she would dance with the stars
And she would truly be happy

Alessia Feb 2018

Pretty Girls On The Moon

Their Pretty girls on the moon
They don't pick flowers on their way home
They pick the pieces of their broken heart off the floor
They put on masks to cover their tear stained cheeks
And long sleeves to cover their scars

There stuck on the moon but really want to see more
Looking out the moon the only thing they see is Mars
Sky as empty as the tales they were promised
Their mothers kisses lipstick stains on their foreheads
And their fathers hand imprints on their cheeks

They've got daddy issues
And handprints of men where they shouldn't be
Their just looking for the attention they never got
So they took the flight and left the place that hurt them the most
But the where it hurt most was their broken heart

Their just shallow girls
Never will understand the "struggle"
The one you know oh so well
Cause you can't look deeper and their fake smiles are all you see
But their nothing more than leaky taps right
After all they're just pretty girls on the moon