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Alessia Mar 2018
14 year old boys have a habit of picking at old wounds
Taking their finger and pulling on the flesh strings
The ones that took so long to heal
Reaching their hands out at your bullet wounds and throwing your blood on the white floors
Wrapping their arms around your waist
And holding on so tight you become blue in the face
Oxygen becoming a lump in your tired throat
And your words grasping on to the little bit of hope you had left
14 year old boys like making new wounds on your body and reopening old ones
Alessia Apr 2018
14 year old girls pry where they shouldn’t
They pry into your secrets
The way they pry into your life
Crawling in your skin
And clawing at your eyes
Lead you blindly into the forest
And make you go deaf by their echoing screams in the empty space
Manage to slowly take your breath away
As they pierce a knife through your back  
And it’s slowly killing me
14 years old girl pry where they shouldn’t
Alessia Dec 2019
7 hours till my alarm goes off
7 hours till I’ll see your face again
7 hours till I’ll smile with you
And 7 hours till I’ll cry without you
Alessia Mar 2019
You remind me of my morning alarm
Because
You make me want to **** myself
Alessia Feb 2018
My resting ***** face
My resting ***** face does not make me obnoxious
It doesn't mean that I think I'm better than everyone 
In fact my resting ***** face has nothing to do with you

My resting ***** face is my face
It's what I go to so people don't talk to me
So I don't have to rehearse what I say as I'm having a conversation 
It has to do with the fact that I'm not a ***** I'm just a scared little girl
Oh don't make it seem so  popostirius

My face is my shield 
From the tears that want to flow
So I block out the emotions 
The trauma and all the hurt
I guess my brain is just lots of flowers in fields 
And pretend that I'm at a high when really I feel so low

But my resting ***** face can't show you who I am
But that won't stop you from judging me 
Cause that's so much easier then getting to know me 
It's fine cause I don't want to know you

My resting ***** face is actually not that at all
My resting ***** face is my help me I'm dying inside face
But you won't help
At least not really 
Cause you've got a resting ***** face too
I guess what they say is true
We're all just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids suicide isn't the answer

We're all dying inside but don't forget to smile for the picture 
Can't let grandma know her beautiful grandkids are fading away with the wind
Please help
Cause my resting ***** face is killing me
And I can't help but want to scream
Even if u can't hear me
Alessia Mar 2018
I understand why they call it a crush
Because it will break every bone in your body till you lay lifeless in your bed crying
Tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes
The thoughts of him swarming my mind of the girl I’ll never be

Never be the girl he pulls closer as we dance to a slow song
Never be the girl he lays his soft lips on whenever he can
Never be the girl who could wear his oversized sweaters when she’s cold

I’ll never be the girl she is to him
Forgetting why I even want to be his in the first place
He makes me want to blow my brains out and is the only reason I want to live at the same time

But he’s just a crush
And I’m just broken
Broken from a boy who will never love me

It’s funny how that works
He’s free from everything he’s done to me
Yet I’m stuck with it
Stuck with having to see him everyday
Stuck with this never ending hope that he’ll look at me
He doesn’t even know what he’s doing to me but he’s doing it constantly
And I’m stuck with loving him

But is it still a crush when you find yourself in love with him
Alessia Feb 2019
The stuff that I spent years suppressing
Is what defines me as the person I am today
And I wish I would have known this sooner
Alessia Oct 2018
I want to get away from here
Farther than the eye can see
Hop on the first plane
And get away from this rusty city
Make our big dreams and big plans
A reality
If I showed up at your door
Would you come with me
If I asked  
Would you say
My bags are already packed
Tell the lady at the desk

Deux billets pour elle et moi
Alessia Jun 2018
Does Steve Rogers know
That Bucky is in love with him
Stuck in the mind
Of a 1940’s man
The imprint of the belt
Engraved in his mind
Can’t tell him he’s in love
For the fear
Of never being able to love again
At the loss
Of his first
But when Steve Rogers
Becomes Captain America
And Bucky
Becomes the Winter Soldier
He’s no longer in love
With a personality
But in love
With the soul
Dancing in the body
Of the boy he died for
Sometimes I get really sappy and write about a love story that shud have happened properly
Alessia Feb 2019
Please do not touch me
Please do not hush me
Please do not move past me
Please do not speak over me
Please do not not to talk to me
If you are not willing to hear my voice
Because I am a woman
And I have a lot to say
Alessia Oct 2018
You made my heart
Feel like dust
And my lips
Feel like friework
My body
Putty in your hands
And everything I’ve known before
Feel like it was wrong
Alessia Feb 2018
At night the work seems a little bit more happy
As the ones who can’t sleep sit on their beds and look out the windows
For once the world looks happy
Theirs no screaming children in toy stores
Or angry business men yelling at their phone
For 8 hours in a day when everyone is asleep we can pretend that the world  is a happy place
Even if we know other wise

We can look at the world the same way we did as children
With hope for whatever is out there
We can fake the thoughts of happiness while we sit in the dark
And when the sun rises the next morning we’ll go back to our lives
The loves where we know that the world isn’t the way we wished it was a children
The way it really is

Cold
Alone
Scary
Hopeless

But for eight hours
As we sit on our beds, unable to sleep
We can pretend that the world is different
We can pretend that it’s the way it shoud be

Warm
Loving
Peaceful
Happy
Alessia Aug 2018
And when I had finally lost
All hope
You came around
And my world
Was finally bright again
Alessia Jul 2019
I wish I could go back and tell him how I would count the freckles that laid scattered across his pale skin in my sleep
Alessia Mar 2018
When freedom of speech no longer becomes available
When the words that you preach are no longer speakable
And the protests you attend are no longer reachable
And everyone has a piece of tape over their mouth
Afraid to step out of their lane and say the wrong thing
When the government has you ******* in a metaphorical chain
And threaten to put actual chains on you if you say something they don’t like
What will you do then
When the people you once looked up two have marks on their skulls where the thoughts of a rouge brain were made
If freedom of speech becomes unavailable
Would you wish you had actually spoken up when you could
Or would be to afraid of having a stain on your permanent record
Because freedom is no longer acceptable in the eyes of a leader who chooses his Florida mansion over the children you have nurtured for way longer the he was in charge
When you are no longer free
Your mind because a cage
And you wish you could see a future where you are allowed to preach
Instead of a future of which you are punished for the words you speak
Because without freedom of speech
We are becoming the brain dead zombies we watch on our full screens
Alessia Nov 2018
I’ll miss you too
but I rather a friend who can’t talk to me
because she’s getting help
then a friend who can’t talk to me because she’s bleeding
all over her bathroom floor
Alessia Feb 2018
I watch you from afar
Taking in your features
How u have mole on your left eye
How you stumble on your words
How your eyes shine brighter then any star 
And when your thinking hard you look up at the sky

I pay attention to you
Even if I was never worth a second glance in your eyes
But to me your my sun
And like the world I revolve around you

I thought what I felt for you was clearly platonic
But the little things about you made me feel tingles down my spine  
And I can't tell you how I really feel so I wrote it poorly in a sonnet
And I'll say I love you a thousand times till you say it back
Even if it lacks everything true

I always watch you from afar 
Cause your the one thing that showed me how to love 
And you didn't even teach me it yourself 
Because what I feel for you cannot be explained in a paragraph of terrible poetry
Alessia Apr 2019
You held my hand
Like I was going to leave you
But
You were the one that left me
My hands have never felt colder
Alessia Mar 2018
I want to feel loved
I want someone to hold me tight and tell me they love me
I don’t want another night in my cold bed alone as cry myself to sleep
I don’t want to wake up in a pile of blankets with tears stains on my cheek

Love stopped being available to me when I stopped loving myself
The boys I had crushes on never wanted me
Their was always a prettier person in the room that took the attention off of what you wanted

It easy for me to fall in love with you
All you need is to look at me for longer then 00.2 seconds
And I’m already planning our wedding
I don’t need to know your first name to know I want your last name

People find it unbelievable that a girl like me could like punk rock music
But a girl like me is tried of hearing about Taylor Swift complain about all the boys that want her
Because a girl like me sits in a math class with 13 Taylor Swift’s

“You’ve never had your first kiss, but you’re already 14”
I haven’t had my first kiss because I’ve had multiple boys call me just one of the guys
I seem to be a friend to all the guys I flirt with
And all the guys that flirt with me are nonexistent

I’m tired of every book I read ending with and they lived happily ever after
News flash people they all had bulimia  
And their boyfriends were using them for *** and a crown
So I’m sorry if that’s not what I want my life to be

Maybe if I wait a little longer
Happily ever after will come true
But if I wait a little longer I’m scared that I won’t want it to
Alessia Apr 2019
Happiness
Feels great
But being happy
With you
Feels like fireworks
Alessia Feb 2018
Hello my names anxiety
I forgot what trust tastes like
I stopped caring about the world before the world could stop caring about me
I was taught to break myself so others couldn’t break me down
I’ve grown afraid of waking up in the morning
The same way I was afraid to never wake up in the morning

Hello my name is female
I’ve witnessed the girls in my life get cat called by men on the streets before I knew what a cat call was
I had to teach my self what a period was because we don’t talk about those things in school
Because of guys who got grossed about over a women’s ****** the same guys who watched hours of **** before going to bed

Hello my name is 13
But I’m not supposed to tell you that because my age makes me less of myself
Because I can’t know about the world problems before I’m 18, Apparently
Because when you were my age the world wasn’t your problem

Hello my name is queer
I’m scared to tell people because I’ve seen kids abandoned for loving those they love
Because mom and dad make homophobic jokes
Then tell me it’s okay they have gay friends
I’m to afraid to tell a girl I love her because her friends don’t like my type of love

Hello my names society told me I’m not good enough
Because of the people I love
Because of the gender I was born as
Because of the age I am
Because of the mental illness I have
Because being me just isn’t good enough

Hey... my names Alessia
And I’m just trying to be happy
Alessia Feb 2018
The girl with the empty pockets
She has the biggest smile
She always had the loudest laugh 
And if it wasn't so beautiful you'd think she was obnoxious
She did everything right 

She got good grades she was a volunteer and most of all she always and a smile on her face
That's till the sun went down and the sky was illuminated by the moons light
That's when the truth came out
Came out like the tears flowing down her face like the Nile

It doesn't seem so wrong
Cause now a days those who bear the biggest smiles were those who cried themselves to sleep
She cries over her mother 
How the only memory of her was kept in a tiny locket
She cried over her father
But he will always be there 

She was a good girl
If you knew the truth about her you'd think her life is unfair
Yet you never wanted to get to know her

Cause you could never be friends with someone so nice
Personality less you said
The taunting you gave her
She never showed you how she felt about it
She'd just smile and go white knuckled

The only people who knew the truth 
Was herself and the moon
As she laid in bed
Tears streaming down her eyes
The moon would stroke her back at tell her it's okay
And one night she would dance with the stars 
And she would truly be happy
Alessia Jan 2019
I get it
You have so much more in common  
With her
Than you do with me
Alessia Jan 2019
I hope my mother is proud of me
I turned my pain into art
My past into my future
And everything that’s ever hurt me
Made me stronger
In what I do
Alessia Apr 2019
i always
say
i love you
and i always
mean it
Alessia Apr 2018
Insert poem here
Insert art here
Insert athleticism here
Insert talent here

Please insert something here don’t live up to the disappointment you are
Alessia Jan 2019
I’m living
I’m livin
I’m livi
I’m liv
I’m li
I’m l
I’m ly
I’m lyi
I’m lyin
I’m lying
Alessia Mar 2018
Someone tell me when I became a love poet
A walking stereotype
Can’t get anything but love off my mind
It *****

Can’t think of anything to type as my fingers hover over the keyboard
Can I say something that doesn’t make me seem like a love sick poet
But I can’t
Because I’ve stopped talking about what matters
As my mind is wrapped up in him
The same way my body wants to be

A love sick poet with no experience of real love
Or that’s what they say I am
I stopped writing about the girls that I see in my dreams and started writing about the boys I let walk Over me

This love thing seems to sell
Pretending I’m broken when really I’m not
Over exaggerating the story for my extra 15 minutes of fame
Pretending to be happy when the camera faces me

I’m not broke and I’m not happy
I’m just a love sick poet
Alessia Feb 2018
A series of poems written at midnight
If I were to ever write a book that would be the name
But if we’re to ever write a book I would need the energy to finish it first
Maybe if I didn’t wrote stories at midnight then maybe I would be able to write a book
But then again when are you the most creatively functioning when your half asleep

Midnight dreams
If I were to write a song that would what it would be called
But if I were to ever write a song I’d have to learn to stop shaking as my hands hovered over the keys to my notes on my phone
But then again if I stopped shaking then I wouldn’t have anything to write about
Because your most creative when you talk about the experiences you have made and what they have left you with

Midnight talks
If I were to ever have a talk show that what it would be called
It if i were to ever have a talk show I would have to learn to talk infront of people with throwing up on myself
But then if I weren’t so scared I wouldn’t have any self deprecating jokes to talk because something about your pain makes people laugh
Because god most creative jokes come from the most pain you have felt

Maybe its something about midnight that keeps me going
The thought of me breaking the number one rule of my parents when I was young
‘Don’t stay up late’
Or maybe it’s the comfort I find in the dark that midnight brings to me
Or maybe it’s the fact that me being isolated while everyone sleeps reminds me that even the lonely souls have to talk to people every once in a while
Maybe it’s the thought of finding happiness in what is seen as evil
The night has always been so welcoming to me maybe that’s why it’s so easy to write about it
Alessia Aug 2018
My father has threatened to leave
More times then he said he’d stay
Made my mother cried more tears
Then he voluntarily cleaned up
Hurt my brother
More times then he’s helped him
Called me names
More times then he’s fought them
My father didn’t associate himself with me till I was nine
He forget my birthday
More times then he remembered it
Took credit for the gifts my mother wrapped till her finger bled
Ate his cheeseburgers
While my mother was at the gym
Because he said she need to lose weight
Before she bought that dress
My father is a monster
More then he is a man
Alessia Mar 2018
My mother is a rose in a garden of violets
She forgets her beauty because she looks different
I tell her she’s beautiful
But she only hears she needs to lose weight
My mother’s once bright petals are wilting away
And becoming dust getting caught in the wind
Somehow she mistakes skinny for healthy
And fat with ugly
My mother is a dying rose in growing fields
The rain no longer growing her but stopping on her shrinking form
Her beauty is no longer seen outstanding in gardens
And her body no longer full of life
My mother is slowly disappearing to make room for the new generations of self hatred and low self esteem
Alessia Apr 2019
you love me
like my
mother
but
you treat me
like my
father
Alessia Apr 2019
i’m not needy
i just need
you
Alessia Dec 2018
I no longer write
With the hopes that you will miss me
But with the intentions
Of no longer longing for you
And leaving everything we once had
For the world to see
Alessia Apr 2018
I know that I’m alive
But I can’t feel it
I know that there is blood rushing through my body
But I feel colder than a reptile
And I know that I can talk and converse
But I don’t want to
I’m known that I’m living but I don’t have anything to live for
I’m just numb
Alessia Feb 2018
I have trouble opening up to people
Must be hard to believe
Considering I write poetry for the world to see
But something about looking into the eyes of a person makes me crumble against my will

It’s hard to understand why I can’t talk to the ones I love without the voice in my head
‘No one cares’
Those three words repeated in my head over and over again
The voice of the people
I’ve tried to block out

I’ve had teachers forget my names in classes that I’ve attended for months
I guess it explains why I’m so good at hiding
It’s a skill for playing hide and seek and tag with your little cousins
But in the real world it’s the reason I have about 3 social skills

It’s easier to make friends online
I’ve done it so much I’ve forgotten how to hold a conversation with a person in real life when I can’t blame my mistakes on autocorrect
I’m not afraid of my friends online being rapists or predator
I find it’s more likely for the people in my everyday life to be them instead

I can’t use the excuse of being a small town girl tryna make it big
Because I grew up in the city were three homeless men were found dead in the past week
Maybe that’s why I have trouble talking to new people
Because I don’t want to be another unidentifiable body laying lifeless on the street I grew up on.

Because it’s easier to keep my mouth shut in class
Don’t raise your hand or you’ll be targeted by everyone who got the answer wrong
Maybe that why I over share my life online
I can block the people who hate me online, but I can’t block the ones who sit next to me in math class
Alessia Feb 2019
Punch me in the face and let me feel something
Wrap your hand around my throat and make something feel close to me for once
Cut me on the arm and let the warmth  of a liquid finally leave my body
Alessia Mar 2018
If athletes were to understand poetry my life would be a lot easier
Maybe if they understood the way their legs moved them to the finish line
Was the same way my fingers write across the page of 8x11
How they gripped onto their hockey sticks
The same way I gripped onto my #2 pencil
When they get the ball in the net and win the game
Is the same feeling as me writing the last sentence of my poem
Maybe if athletes understood poetry I wouldn’t have to explain that it brings me joy
And they won’t ask why immediately after
But maybe if I understood sports they could understand my writing
Alessia Jan 2019
Pretty girl
Pretty girl
Why so sad
Don’t you know
Your pretty face
Prevents all that
Pretty girl
Pretty girl
Put on your mask
Don’t you know
Your pretty face
Must be like that
I should really stop writing about girls but who’s gonna stop me
Alessia Feb 2018
Their Pretty girls on the moon
They don't pick flowers on their way home
They pick the pieces of their broken heart off the floor
They put on masks to cover their tear stained cheeks
And long sleeves to cover their scars

There stuck on the moon but really want to see more
Looking out the moon the only thing they see is Mars
Sky as empty as the tales they were promised 
Their mothers kisses lipstick stains on their foreheads 
And their fathers hand imprints on their cheeks

They've got daddy issues 
And handprints of men where they shouldn't be
Their just looking for the attention they never got
So they took the flight and left the place that hurt them the most 
But the where it hurt most was their broken heart

Their just shallow girls
Never will understand the "struggle"
The one you know oh so well 
Cause you can't look deeper and their fake smiles are all you see
But their nothing more than leaky taps right 
After all they're just pretty girls on the moon
Alessia Apr 2018
Why can’t you do something practical with your life
Your friends want to be lawyers to save the with innocent minds
And doctors who repair the minds that can’t repair themselves
Teachers who are going to bring in the new wave of bright minds
And you?
You want to be a writer and artist.
You want to use the mind that I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on and throw it away
Why can’t you just do something real
with your life
Alessia May 2018
Public service announcement
If you don’t want me to say anything about you being an *******
Don’t be an *******
This is you daily reminder of me reminding you that you being an ******* won’t make me like you anymore
Alessia Jun 2018
Do you remember the first time
We caught each others eyes
To busy
Pretending to be someone else
To notice
We needed each other
To caught up in the wrong
To realize
We were right
Alessia Jan 2019
One loop
Two loop
Three loop
Four
So many bodies have hit the floor
Call my mommy
Call my daddy
My blood is rushing out a hole
I’m so sorry  
I’m so done
I couldn’t run faster then the gun
She
Alessia Nov 2018
She
She was an ocean
And I don’t know how to swim
She was summer
And I was winter
She was a blooming flower
And I was the desert in dry season
She was hip hop
And I was punk rock
She was athletic
And I was poetic
She was everything I wanted
And I never got a second glance from her
We would never work
But I tried anyways
Alessia Jul 2019
Woke up to break up texts
From someone I was learning to love
Alessia Feb 2018
The day I met you
That was the day I regret most
5 years of my life waiting on you like tables
You told me you loved me
And for a moment I thought it was true
But that was nothing more than empty promises and a game to you

I gave you a chance
And you took me for granted
You made me feel worthless
When I was the most lost
I was a mess
And you only kicked me back down
I let you win cause I thought that was right

I guess the truth hurts
But what you did was much worse
You lefts cuts on my heart like the ones on my wrists
But the place you hit most you on my lips

The only thing keeping me up at night is the thought of us
And the day I met you
Because if I could go back
I would most definitely walk away from you
Alessia Jun 2018
The moon has two sides
The side you see
And the one you don’t
I have two sides
The one you bothered to know
And the one you couldn’t care less about
The moon is only beautiful to you from the parts you can see
I am only beautiful to you from the parts of me you want to see
Alessia May 2018
I’m a loaded gun in an open field
I’m a shaky hand holding a camera
I’m a screaming girl stuck in outer space
I’m a dancer afraid of her own reflection
I’m a public speaker afraid of being judged
I’m a girl who seems useless
I’m a girl who is useless
Alessia Feb 2018
Just another holiday where the people in relationships buy overpriced chocolates for the ones they love
And the singles buy the same chocolate half priced the next day

I used to think Valentine’s Day was a magical one
Where my Prince Charming would come and kiss me in front of everyone
And after 14 years the closest thing I’ve come into contact with a male was accidental touching their hand while grabbing a pencil
I mean Snow White was my age when she got her happily ever after so why can’t I get mine
Maybe he just got lost and is to stubborn to ask for directions
Or he’s pulling a push door without realizing it so he’s stuck
But in all honesty I don’t think he’s coming

But who knows maybe my Prince Charming will wear sundresses and he will be a she
Or maybe he’ll wear eyeliner and listen to punk rock like I do
Or maybe he won’t be he or a she and will wear flannel that I’ll end up stealing from them
Or maybe they won’t ever show up

Its ok tho cause while you and your boyfriend eat overpriced chocolate
I’ll be eating the same chocolate for half the price
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