Arabella

Arabella Sep 2018

When I saw her I couldn't do anything.
I couldn't feel anything.

You

You stood there with her, caressing her like you did to me.
I was told not to watch you anymore.

Dont

I watch the house everyday from the train.
I watch you anyway.

Control

I sat on my bed,
I stayed until I fell asleep but I could still feel the hatred for her even in my dreams.

My

Over and over I hear her voice
Over and over and over

Mind

The doctor said its only temporary, that I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Arabella Sep 2018

THOUGHT

Fingertips shaking
Heart racing
Giggling comes from the corner of His mind,
is He really fine?

You see, He was never okay because what He did today was not what He did yesterday.
He Thought.
He didn't Think yesterday He was mindless the other day but not today.

He Thought and it tore,
it tore His heart more and more until there was nothing left.
He never thought He could Think anymore.
Not after you.

You were all He Thought about so He swore never to Think again.

But He did today.

He saw your face.

He saw it and it made His heart pace.

Because even though you drained His soul,
He would still save you over the rest of the human race.

This is the second half to HE.
I know it's terribly misleading, but ill leave it up to you to interpret this two part narrative.

© Arabella (09/09/18)

Arabella Aug 2018

Withdrawl

Its 1am again.
You run through my mind like wild fire through a flourishing forest.
Nausea filling an ocean that is my stomach.
I cant feel a thing,
head numb,
eyes blank.
All of this because you didn't call.

© Arabella (16/08/18)
I'm alive.

Arabella Jun 2018

Devotion

I will write my lines like I do my time.
I will itch until I bleed just for you.
I will fill in the gaps with each patch of my clothing to make sure you're still breathing.
Because if you're still breathing,
then so am I.

Im not sure of what I just created.
© Arabella (05/06/18)

Arabella Jun 2018

HE

He wakes up.
He doesn't feel a thing.
He leaves for work in a rush.
He works with a hush painted across His lips.
He is fine.
He is okay.
He cried today but He is okay I assure you.
He drinks His pain.
He swallows His pride.
He is fine.
He is not fine.
He is okay.
He is not just any old He.
He is Him.
For Him to be Him He has to be who He really is.
He has to be him.
He is more than okay.
He is fine.
He has time to fix your crimes I assure you.
He paints words on a social media page to show you, His audience, He adores you.
He is a faceless race of His own.
He is fine.
He is okay.

It sort of flew out of my brain and looked acceptable.
© Arabella (03/06/18)

Arabella May 2018

Youth

When you look at us do we make you shiver?
Do we look like murderers all grouped together?
When you see us dressed in our best does that mean we are asking for it?
When you hear our cries are we doing it just for the hell of it?

Does seeing me make music bathed in profanity,
Imply that I'm coming for your family?
Trousers hanging, south London slang,
All of this must mean i'm in a gang...right?

My makeup is pristine
Lips shiny skin clean.
I must be begging for attention from older guys,
Bursting in desire for someone to be in between my thighs.
So when you hear my cries on the TV,
“He didn't show his face but I know he ***** me”,
We are most definitely faking all of what happened.

Those people in the ****** related crews,
Seeing them in the news isn't seeing us in the news,
Those are the few who wish and choose to do such a terrible crime.
We breathe through corrupted lungs,
Bathing in the judgmental stares,
just because a woman fell down those stairs while I was right behind her?
Your inquiries and suggestions only tie the loose noose tighter.

We are not the youth you think we are,
Hovering below societies scar on our reputation.
We would be ashamed to be you.

Arabella Mar 2018

Muffled

When it snows the sound is muffled.
You no longer hear the bus galloping messily down the street,
you no longer hear the men laughing from two doors down.
Cigarette in hand with not a care in the world,
tattoos painted intricately across their skin.

You can only hear that of your mind-that,
of when you fall asleep is silenced by these noises.
They create distraction however,
when it snows the sound is muffled.

No longer can you hold back what is in your mind,
everything starts to flow so freely with a elegant persona,
it can tear you apart with the most delicate of movements.
Twists and turns of regrets and lessons learned.

Until the snow stops,
the torture is over.
You no longer hear those silenced knives.
You note that the men two doors down have moved to your garden wall and you hear that they too weren't okay to begin with.
The buses tiptoe a little quieter than before,
the world is not so muffled anymore.