Wherever they go, I follow them
If they leave, I sit here quietly
Do they have control? I have no idea

Many minutes of no one talking to me
All I can hear are self-deprecating thoughts
Should I stand up and leave....or allow the loneliness to increase?

Sure, I'm not a "talkative" person
But it wouldn't hurt to ask if I'm okay
Or maybe it would

So here I sit, feeling left out as always
No matter where I go I feel awkward
No idea how to fix it


Maybe it's time that I should leave.

Why do I do it?
How does it help?
So many dark thoughts that I’ve kept mainly to myself

Is there something wrong with me?
Am I mentally insane?
To want to cause any sort of self pain

No matter the object
No matter the cause
I’ll never stop thinking and thinking of my flaws

One day in the future
Another day of torture
Someone will find out that I’ve been faking my happiness and my eyes will fill with tears of horror

But of course I say I’m fine
That everything’s going quite well
But will someone ever realize that sometimes I just feel like hell?

People have found out
But nobody cares to see
If I’m even getting better than I had felt previously

I still try to do things
That others couldn’t even imagine
My family would never even begin to fathom

I’ve done well to hide most of the pain
But will it ever end?
Perhaps after high school, or even when I have a caring and TRUE friend

Because as long as I say I’m fine
Everything goes well
But alas it is not true, my feelings will never be “show and tell”

All of the palm trees blowing in the wind

The pretty waves of an ocean so blue

The loud sound of seagulls as they descend

Everything's great, now all I need is you



A beautiful sunset, seeming so far

Reminding me of your blue, loving eyes

If only you hadn't crashed your red car

On that day, we didn't say our goodbye's



I will always miss your warm embraces

The way you had always know how I felt

Now my life is filled with stranger's faces

On your death, leaving in my heart, a welt



But I'll survive throughout all the pain

We'll meet in heaven, that's keeping me sane

Pain can be mysterious
Yet we all feel it inside
Sometimes it gets cloaked by happiness
True feelings slowly shrink, they hide
I don't believe that it'll leave for good
Just taking a little break
My brain explodes, almost dying out
The pain has started to awake
"How does it come, will it ever leave?"
The thoughts swirling in my head
Slowly, slowly growing worse
Many actions to which I have been led
I look out at everyone around me
So many bright and smiling faces
My mouth turns up, making a replica
Sadness leaving without any traces
No one is here, I give a sigh, fear starting to decrease
Tears fall down without a sound, limbs growing weak
"Too bad, so sad", I say to myself. "You'll live another day"
In comes sudden realization, "Do I really feel this way?"
Tell me when or tell me how
It starts settling down
And so I leave to say goodbye
Pain leaving...fading...out of sight.