The girl I lost wasn't a friend of mine
she wasn't another person
she was me
the girl I lost I now realize was left behind in 6th grade
the girl I lost was not like me
she still had her best friend around
she still was happy
she hadn't even thought about pressing a blade to her skin willingly
she didn't know this is what she'd become
how would she know shed be wearing dark eyeliner
and writing poems
how would she know she cried every night
that she bled every night
but I lost her
so she'll never know
and I know
I'll never find her

There I was again
loving a boy
loving a boy who wasn't mine to love
why
why does it always happen that way
it always ends with heartbreak
always
how do I find an alternate ending
cause I'm starting to loose hope
what if there isn't another ending
what If this is the way things are meant to be
I'm stuck in an everlasting loop
I wish I didn't always hate the finished product
here I am again
hoping
that maybe
just maybe
things could be different
here I am again
waiting
just waiting
for that alternate ending

all I want is a stupid little romance story
perhaps an enemies to lovers
or a she fell first but he fell harder trope
I don't care which type it is
I wish I could live in a little 2000s romantic comedy
one where the guy gets the girl at the end of the movie
but I'm not
I'm not living in a romantic comedy
and I have not yet achieved a stupid little romance story
all the guys I've loved before
have left me heartbroken
all I want is a Noah to my Allie
a Jack to my Rose
a Romeo to my Juliet
that's all I want
is all I want too much to ask

A ghost of him was left behind
But he’s not really there
There he goes again
Leaving me with an empty conversation
“How was your day?”
No response
This is feeling more and more degrading
He left me there alone again
To find another
But what if I don’t want another
I wanted him
No one else
But now here I am
Stuck with the ghost of him

You took everything from me
and gave it to her
you took our conversations
and had the same ones with her
you took our inside jokes
and made her think she came up with them
but worst of all
you gave her my nickname
the one you used to call me all the time
the one that used to remind me of you when someone called me it
but now it just reminds me of your relationship with her
you gave her my nickname
and it felt like a string had snapped
the last piece of what held us together
its all gone
you gave it all to her

Here is my heart
it is half shattered because of others
I tried to stitch up the glass
but a needle and thread doesn't work with glass
a glass heart cant be fixed with a needle and thread
it can be fixed with tape
but it'll never truly go back to normal
it'll truly never heal
I would try to use other glass
but I'd have to take glass from another heart
so I don't choose to break another ones heart
a glass heart cant be truly ever fixed
neither can a normal one though
my heart feels as if its a glass heart
one that has already been half shattered

yes I did it
I messaged him
I can tell
he's mad at me
I'm not upset that he hates me
I'm upset I ruined it
a friendship that could've lasted
I mourn our full conversations
and our inside jokes
I mourn the loss of what could have lasted longer than it did
I fear I look for him in every person I meet
hoping to find someone like him
but its useless
there will never be another
just like him