there it is
that sinking feeling
our friendship is falling to pieces
because someone who isn't even your mother doesn't like me
please don't believe her
I swear I'm texting you back
why is this friendship falling to pieces
as Im falling to pieces as well
please believe me
don't let this friendship be left in 8th grade
why does it feel like its ending
dont let this friendship fall to pieces

there's been one girl who stuck by me this whole time
she gave me a hug when I needed one
helped me with school
helped me with my mental health
shes the only girl I'm comfortable venting to
I love her and I hope I don't lose her with the others
let me hold onto her
I'm so grateful to have someone like her in my life
so grateful for her presence
I've laughed with her
cried with her
sang with her
ive stayed up laughing with her till 3am
I've gone on tons of side quests with her
gone through middle school with her
and I hope to go through so much more with her

I probably needed a hug
but instead my father got arrested
but instead I lost contact with one of my best friends
but instead I'm failing math class
but instead my parents don't think I'm mature enough for any social media
but instead my mental health is plummeting
I probably need a hug
but its obvious I'm not getting one any time soon

no contact with my father
my own father
why must I suffer
even though hes behind bars at the moment
he has no contact with me
I have no contact with him
how long will it be like this
I don't know
will I be a girl who's dad cant text her happy birthday in two weeks
will it be two weeks?
will it be more than two weeks?
turning 15 without a happy birthday from my own father
I hope not
how must a girl like me not be able to speak to my own father

all I want is to get better
but as I sit here I ask myself
will I ever get better?
36 days clean
will I ruin my progress?
I don't feel better anymore
was I ever better?
or did I just have distractions?
the blades are calling me again
but i don't think i'll answer
will I?
everything is getting worse
worse.
not better
I wont get better anytime soon
I don't think so at least
day 8 of crying
crying myself to sleep
I feel as if I'm running out of tears
I'm not getting better
even though that's all I want

I'm fake
according to some people
but I'm not sure how
It wasn't my plan to be fake
I don't think I am a fake friend
would a fake friend let you date the boy she yearned for for four years
would a fake friend stay up all night to let you vent to her
would a fake friend give you her food even if she hadn't eaten all day
I don't think so
but go ahead and call me fake
if that's fake
I don't know what's real

I will forever be the girl left behind
In every school
that's what I am
the girl stuck in the behind everyone
as they talk about weekend plans
the ones Im not invited to
I kind of just sit there
floating around
if I was really completely left behind
would they remember me?