The jagged cut from the dull, serrated blade of rejection. I lay down for you wounded, asking for healing and compassion. The absence of your touch wakes me to the shooting pain up my leg.
The infection of grief is growing as the reality sets in looking down where my leg once was.

I am an amputee.

My leg, my foundation of who I am, has been hacked off without anesthesia.

This separation procedure has taken months of sawing. Startled wake today hemeragging emotions at the wound of your disregard.  Doc explained I've been experiencing fanthom limb...

"But we've been walking together, side by side. I've felt the strength and balance of two legs. When/how did this happen? " I protest in disbelief

Standing next to the mangled discarded remains, "one cut at a time" you reply coldly, the dripping blade still in your hand.

"But perhaps we will walk together again once you have time to adjust to your prosthetic"

Her eager obedience drips down my inner thigh. Her grace caresses my hips, sliding my ******* aside.

Every "Yes Ma'am" that leaves her lips kisses my *******. Watching her kneel patiently nibbles my outlips and as she bows her head and offers me the bundle of rope she enterers me, passionately.

Waiting for what is dead will **** you.

Tears cannot bring them back - only blur your vision
Time will not heal them - only dulls the awareness of their absence

Bury them, lay lilacs, sit shiva to mourn, and live on.

Not all days are good.
But all days last 24hrs.
Not a second more, not a second less

Today will rest into yesterday just as tomorrow blooms into today.

Sleep brings colour and clarity to my day

Even as I am drying up I can feel the flow
I am able to listen to her needs without hearing her cries
her smile becomes contagious
I plan my day to escape to see her instead of from her

It's clear even as a 3 month old she is the light of my life.

Empty bottles her tears of hunger can't fill

My body is deaf to her cries
Together we plead with my body to release it's sweet milk
But my offerings of fenugreek, oatmeal, and barely are ignored
The only sacrifice that will satisfy this heartless gatekeeper is an unachievable calm

My tears cannot fill her bottles either

Close some doors today, not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but simply because they lead nowhere - Paulo Coelho

Nowhere hurts more than nothing.

Wanting to be used
Marked
Folded, creased
Manipulated into something beautiful

Soaked in the ink of desire
Never to fall into the suffocating security of being filed way with all the rest
Craving freedom to dance on the wind forgotten while begging for the sanctuary of being bound.

Knowing its place in the universe's library.

_

Need
             Beat                  
                         ****
                                  Give
                         ­                    More
                                                        obey
   ­                                                              love
                                                  

                             Good Girl

Where has your rationale gone?

I look for her in his living room but she can't stand the smell of **** and ***** money.

I check his bed but she went home long before 2am

I look in his yard but she ran when his calm, cold hand stung your face.

I check her couch but only found a weary husband numb from spending another lonely night.

I look at the party but just saw concerned friends give warning to deaf ears.

I check my bed but found only an iPhone drowning in his messages and her pleas.

I find her in the stillness of 4am. I look in her eyes but they are empty and swollen from tears. She is exhausted from chasing her Aquarius.

"Where are we headed?" I ask. You reply with just that perfect grin.

I finally hand over the keys and just enjoy the ride.
In the front seat with feet on the dash soaking in the sun rising in the distance behind your soft smile.

You threw out the map and turned on cruise control miles ago, Stopping only to pick up passengers to join us.

"Are we there yet?"
You reply with a kiss, "Yes, we've been here the whole time"

The person I see today is not the one who fell in love yesterday

Maybe this is who you have always been and I just saw you through an optimistic lens

Today I see sharper, clearer. Its too much to bear and I close my eyes. I cant see you today.

I cant unsee you. I dont want to. Yesterday deserves to be looked at with a grin.

Maybe tomorrow my eyes will see anew.

"Are you ready to be worked to the core?"

The burning as blood pulses through the ripping muscle fiber with every ******.
Sweat gliding down your cheek as you release a laboured breath. Begging for this to be the last one...And being told "No, 4 more"

In your stubbornness you dig deep tightening every muscle with focus. Pushing through the pain, the deep burn. Distracting yourself.

Wishing that you weren't the sadist doing this to yourself. Dreaming the pain was being dealt out by someone else. Someone you could plead with.

Uurgh 3 to go.
You think back to your last beating. The sting of the crop. The harshness of her rhythmic hand driving deep into your tissue.  Oh how you wish this burn would end with a moans and a smirk of pleasure like it did that night.  

But today you strive to please a new mistress. She does not grow weary delivering heavy strikes. Instead there is only the pleasure of controlling the strong fortress she commands you to build with every rep.

"Just two more" she states coldly. "You will do this, these last two are for you"

With fresh resolve you push through, bearing teeth... One to go

As you take one final gulp of rejuvenating air, you look up to see your mistress is you. With a smirk of satisfaction you effortlessly finish your last rep.

With a smile of approval she whispers "Good girl, I won't go so easy on you next time"

Round and round we go
watching the world go by

A rush as we go Up and down
holding tight to our horse with a smile

When the music stops who pays the operator to start again.

It was your lips I fell in love with first.

The way they curve as you grin and smirk.
Their sweet embrace waking my skin.
The quiver that verberates when
"ooh, i love you" escapes between your moans.
How they explore exotic palete adventures with each bite.

I fall in love with your lips all over again.

I am here
I am ready
I am.....       Too  late

When did "i love you" lose its meaning?

When did i love you stop being work and patience, kindness and compassion.

When did those three words turn into "i need time"

To be intimate is to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to be raw and exposed, and at the mercy of another.

I exposed myself to you and you left me raw. Instead of reciprocating you gave all your vulnerability to someone else. All your passion and emotion went into the abyss of another while I lay here naked with only your guarded shadow to watch my agony.

I call mercy but there is no reply.

This pain has surfaced with a loud entrance that I can silence no more.

The emptiness of your absence is the darkness that has been ignored lurking in the shadows.

Now I must claw myself out of this abyss of loss. Fill in the voids sprinkled throughout my soul and carve a new dwelling for us.

Seek and ye shall find
What if what you find wanted to stay lost?

Lost in the moment.
Lost in the taste of your lips,
the grip of your hands,
the pleasure of your ******,
the sweet sound of your moan.

Lost: Responsible woman
Reward: $100
she is 5'3" 160lbs, dark hair.
Contact 1-800-Reality
With any leads

My one love.

Too scared to give up the many for the one. Too late. Too deep a wound.
The sum of my parts will never fill the whole.

And now he is gone. Only my pain remains. I am but a sum of parts with an empty remainder

I love you but

Not the way you want me to.
Not the way I want to.
Not the way we used to.
The way I need to.

I love you enough to say enough

Isolated in a cloud of friends
Starving at a buffet
screaming in silence

Bored by the excitement

You stole my breath away the first time our lips touched.

You stole my heart away the first time you whispered I love you.

You stole my future, my sanity

Ignorance was bliss

settled dust leaves unsettled regret.