You were my try at a less than literal suicide,  a metaphorical mutilation of self, an imaginary imprisonment in someone else's hell.

Half is better than none
But I can't settle for less than whole
Half is still less than all
So I guess I'm selfish
I don't want to need this much
But I need more than what you say is enough

Today's been a good day, I've made it two hours without thoughts of suicide getting in my way, but oh no, here we go, again with the same old cold ideas, my mind is no longer clear, consumed and absorbed by fear, don't you dare ask me why I'm here, If I had the answer you wouldn't want to hear. It's a sad sob story produced by the things I choose to do that pull me away from all the reasons I try so hard to deny, because to be honest I don't want to die, I just don't to have to try to live a life plagued by dreams of wingless flight and silent nights

I knew this would happen but I did nothing to stop it.
Does that make me guilty of the crime?*

I know you don't want to serve your time,  so when they ask if I had an accomplice, I'll take the blame and bare responsibility for all the pain that you've inflicted upon the life you sought to save.

Please step back into my light
My only wish is to set this right
Bruised and misused
You
Bored and confused
Me
Swirling and twirling straight into our end
We both let go but continued to pretend
Blaming the other for the average of our failure
I said she had abandoned me
She said I was wrong and just couldn't see
But what I heard was enough
She became the enemy
I continued spinning into a twister of hate
She went back to the ******* that she used to date
And yet we were still the same
Filled with feelings we can't tame
Nobody understands it if we try to explain
We shared a bond, fusing mutual pain

I want to see those scars, the ones etched into your heart
I want to know where your weakness comes from
I want to know where you hide when you choose to run
I want to know your greatest fear
I want to know what made you, my dear

I'll show all of my scars, the deep faults on my heart
I'll tell you the secret story of how I came to be
I'll let you know how far I went to become what you see
I'll even tell you my greatest fear
That you wouldn't want to know me, my dear

Vile was a woman
Or was it bile?
The bit of stomach acid that comes up and burns your throat on its way out when you're vomiting after you've already projected your stomach contents all over for everybody to see, was a woman

Never make fun of anyone other than yourself
Always have at lease one good bottle of liquor on your shelf
Do not pray daily if you are just scared of hell
If you want to find heaven you must build it yourself

Never ask more of those who can't help themselves
Always drink in excess and toast to your health
Do not fear death because once you're gone there's nothing else
Only the possibility that we'll expand beyond our current selves

I want to know what it means to be free
To grow up strong and start a family
I'd like a house somewhere deep in the trees
And a big warm bed for you to share with me
I want to play my part
I want to create art
I'd love to publish my words in a children's book, something parents might read to put their kids to sleep
I want to express myself without restraint
And I'd really like to do good without needing thanks

For a flower I'd carry extra water wherever I go
For a flower I'd make sure the sun always showed
For a flower I'd take a thousand bee stings
Because for a flower, this girl downtown will sing
With a voice fluid as rivers
With a voice hot as stars
With a voice smooth as honey
For a price the girl with this voice will sing, and the payment of one flower to her is plenty

Could I risk to love you again?
You never left my thoughts, despite the troubles that you caused
You never left my sight, even when my days were drained of light
You never escaped my heart, though now is not a time to start
To let you in again, dare I say I would
Honestly I want to, but I don't think we should
Even if you wanted to, I don't think I could
Let you out, keep you close
I'm in love in secret, I don't think you know
How many times I tried and failed to let you go

Sleeping with your head against my chest, with your hand in mine, is the sweetest dream I've had in some time

I don't want the world
I don't want your gold
All that I want / is to sit beside your throne
So here I wait / on the floor
And here I'll wait / forever more
There is nothing / of which I'm sure
Except that I / want to be yours

She hates the way I say I'll do something and then prove myself wrong by doing nothing at all

She doesn't like how I can be so inconsistent in my approach to everything but it's my fault

She can't stand it when I sit back and let myself get tossed around by my need to answer paranoias call

I don't long for a life full of faces where I'll fail to find a pair of eyes with a soul like mine behind them.

At the place we used to go when we wanted to feel free, I carved her name on the wall of stone coated with mossy green, and marked my initials with a message underneath that reads:

*If you ever see this, I hope you have forgotten me

A moment alone
I feel so at home
Same old thoughts waiting by the fire
Same wasted future ready to expire
I'll meet them in midnight glow
Can't let anybody but you know

I can see my ghost. he's leading me somewhere and I'm not sure if I should follow. I know where he wants to take me, its a place I've been before, but going there would involve losing the greatest thing I've had in quite a long time, but we both know that I'll never be satisfied with a simple physical possession, we both know I desire the spirit of it and that anything less will leave me wandering through limbo lost and hopeless. I don't know if such a heavenly feeling is something I can ever have, so I might just follow him back to the deep underworld once again, and if its meant to be I believe that angel may take my hand and pull me out and away to the place I truly feel that I belong

I feel torn between blaming and hating myself for every negative thing you said about me that I believe is true, and wanting to blame and hate you for making me feel worthless and like I can never be good enough for you. I know well enough that I shouldn't be thinking about it so negatively or so black/white, but with all the stress and anxiety I've felt from this I've had a very hard time keeping my mind open to positivity or possibilities, and it's begun spilling out of my head and into the rest of my life.

A cat
A rat
A rabbit
And a bat
All walk
On different feet
A cats feet make him an acrobat
A rat's feet let him scurry fast
A rabbits feet help him hop high
And a bats feet just hang because he can fly
Cat pounces the rat because the rodent was too fat
Rabbit gets snatched by the bat as he wasn't very fast
Cat catches the bat and it surely won't be the last

I could conquer countless countries
And neatly annihilate entire nations
All from the comfort of your palm

I would waste working worlds
And completely dispose every creature
All for the praise you might give

I wish I could join you there in a dream, though I'm sure you don't know what I mean, but here I lie with wide restless eyes, trying to keep it all inside, and I'm sweating slightly with a little shake.

You make me feel so awake

I'll never say that I need you, but you should know I think I might
I'll never try to stop you from leaving, but I hope that you'll stay tonight
There's so many words that I want to use
I've measured their worth and they're worth y of you
If only you knew just what I thought,  just how I took off when it was you I saw
And all the reasons why I've tried to hide all the love I feel inside
There are so many things that I'll never speak
But one day I may be able to say, just how much you mean to me

What is it you are looking for
You're always chasing your love out the door
And when you feel lonelier than before
You blame the world as you curl up on the floor
What is the answer you hope to find
You're always running circles through your mind
And when you learn there is nothing to find
You hold onto what you can't leave behind
Where is the motivation you seek
You're always claiming that you are too weak
And when you're quiet all you want to do is speak
But you just paint your face with colors hopeless and bleak
What is it you are looking for
You're always sitting on the ground looking quite bored
And always telling me that there must be something more
You just can't help but look up when you're always on the floor

Everything I've seen severely contradicts what I want to believe.

You call yourself human, because you claim you feel pain.
I disagree with your assessment;
surely if you ever experienced anything as truly terrible and awful like you say, you most certainly wouldn't wish once or dare desire to treat someone this way

I'm sitting in my place of seclusion near the old battered bridge, listening to anything and everything but what my mind is trying to say. The waves were too quiet so I turned on the music, and the speakers couldn't play loud enough to drown out the sound of machinery endlessly struggling to produce an answer inside my head. I could scream and drown it out, but I know that with nobody else to hear my attempts would simply fall upon my own tone deaf ears, and I've grown sick and tired of screeching out the same old lines over and over hoping each time to find new meaning behind the words that have always failed to grease my mechanisms and get them moving again.

It'll never be perfect or everything you want, but if you learn to love what little you've got, you'll come to find that you've got a lot

Poets speak in spills of sarcasm and satire
Soul searing and smooth saying sentences salvaged from their sins
Stop starting signs and sigh soaked sincerities seep from their seething seams
Soap suds sit in their mouths while supplying
supplementary information seemingly from a somber soul
sought after by so few socialites
Poets speak solely from the soul, as no other place would suit their words a safer home

What do I do about you
You, the one who  catches me off guard at every opportunity
And every time you give me the option of making a move I sit like a stool
You, the soul that I feel wired too, connecting through the dimensions, to comprehend the thoughtful demons, who
Command times true demise, you
The being who can see
I am not you
But part of me can be
If it is you
That sees what I see
In me and you
There is a bridge between

I've barely been able to think whenever you've been around, and I could rarely speak more than two words to you between these past two weeks. Things are changing at such a rapid rate and I don't know if I can keep up with your elevated pace, and when we're both in the same place I feel like I've drifted beyond the bounds of space

Please go on ahead, destroy your head
Yes my friend, let your pain end
But could you please, before you're dead
Hold my heart, with your last breath
Take me with you, be happy again

Blocked in the mind
Though the answer is there
What is there to do
But despair and feel blue

All I wanted was to listen to you sing, because you used to smile when you'd let your voice ring, and I was proud to have the privilege to be there listening.

The most relaxing way
To spend your summer days
Trapped beneath the heat
Ain't too bad with a drink
***** in your cup
Sip that sweet drink up
Fall asleep under the sun
Wake up with the stars above

Oh my heart, why do you do what you do to me? You make me so hard to get and...

so easy to be forgotten

I don't think that you're welcome here.
So if there's anything I can do
to make it more clear,
let me know so I can
help you disappear.

Back door
Waiting for
The one I'm sure
Won't be the cure
All these doubts
I want to deny
But here I am
Wanting to cry
I'm to weak
To ever be
Anything like
Her kind of guy

Aspiring broken
Corruptible dream
Eternal facile gripes
Hell in July
Keeping loose memories
Never organized plans
Queen reaps soul
Truth under veil
Willfully xeno
Yahweh's zeal

I can't see the future, or any future to be precise
I can only see lies and a bed buried in ice
Where I lay my head
I won't think again

I never really wanted to
But I'll say goodnight
My hole is too holy to infect with your logic or your truth

I believe only in nothing, and that peace is a void
I don't believe that we are one of God's toys
When we all die
There's no paradise

We go absolutely no where
Just rot in the soil
And never dream again of something more out there

If you come over, I'll clutch my rabbits foot and my four leaf clover, I'll throw a pinch of salt over my shoulder then break my leg ten times over, and if I generate enough luck you'll pity me enough to ****

I don't feel like floating away today
But my feet refuse to to touch the ground
I need direction, a guide to hold my course
I want a weight to wrap my arms around
Anything at all to hold me down

Maybe this is it
Maybe this is the end result of cancer
Or perhaps its the price i pay for my platitudes and piously proclaimed prideful professions
In guilt i am swallowed whole by the taste i wish to savor, those who know solution, that should save anyone other than those who place praise in the credence to which we are born able and in place of.
Aquarium where you try to swim
Too full of liquid
Not enough air to breathe
None but the unconscious would even dare

You are
I am
He is
They are
She is
We are
Everything
At once

If everything was sunshine all of the time your plants would all wither and die

Its incredible what you can find when you reach out with closed eyes
And Its astounding what you can start when you touch another's heart
And so amazing are the places you'll see when you take a break from memory
And if you can let your love flow free you'll have everything you'll ever need

Without clouds to drop rain on the ground your fires would spread with no end to be found

I can be better again
I know it
I know it
I know it
But I haven't done a **** thing to show it
My mind, all I've done is try to slow it
With drugs and *** come freedom from anything real
High enough is only when I can no longer feel
When I can't feel the pull of gravity ******* anything it can into my heart
When I can't feel the anger that crashes and thrashes til' I'm torn apart
All these things the cover me and hide me from the truth
All the signs that show I'm just denying the written proof
Because I refuse to listen to my friends who should know best
Because I refuse to lie with those who offer a place to rest
On my own, I've always felt I must
Because any bridge that doesn't burn will just rust and turn to dust
I've abandoned all who I've feared would do the same
I've given up on playing because I thought I'd lose the game