I'm sitting in my place of seclusion near the old battered bridge, listening to anything and everything but what my mind is trying to say. The waves were too quiet so I turned on the music, and the speakers couldn't play loud enough to drown out the sound of machinery endlessly struggling to produce an answer inside my head. I could scream and drown it out, but I know that with nobody else to hear my attempts would simply fall upon my own tone deaf ears, and I've grown sick and tired of screeching out the same old lines over and over hoping each time to find new meaning behind the words that have always failed to grease my mechanisms and get them moving again.

It's becoming clear that its not me, but everything that I believe
The little lies that materialize and pile high til they blind my eyes
I want to trust in my own thoughts and find comfort in my heart
But the truth is that I just can't see the reality of everything that is me

I wish I could provide the proof for you and let you read it through and through
Then let you tell me what to do, but you'll never know me the way I do

Its hard to focus on a single idea
Every imagined betrayal
All the made up pain
They seem so real in my brain
The emotions that endlessly erupt
The feelings that I can't feel enough
I always want to have to much
And it's to the point where I want to give up
Because I'll never cease the cause of pain
I'll always find a way to make it rain
Soak myself as i pour on the shame
Always playing to win a losing game
It's all that I know how to do, because in the end I'll never know the truth

I want to see those scars, the ones etched into your heart
I want to know where your weakness comes from
I want to know where you hide when you choose to run
I want to know your greatest fear
I want to know what made you, my dear

I'll show all of my scars, the deep faults on my heart
I'll tell you the secret story of how I came to be
I'll let you know how far I went to become what you see
I'll even tell you my greatest fear
That you wouldn't want to know me, my dear

When you think you're hated there's nothing you can do
Just sit and wait for the monsters to swallow you
When the light is fading there's nowhere you can run
Just sit and pray you'll live to see the morning sun
When loneliness persists there's no one who can help
Just slit your wrists and accept your place in hell

I am flying high on a pair of wings that aren't mine
They're borrowed, bent, and a bit broken
But they carry me to places no one can see
Where I can be alone, at home, and ******
If you must then rip them from my back
Because all good things must end but may still begin again
Maybe someday I'll grow my own and let my true colors be shown
These wings they comfort me as they carry me over all that I can see
But I'm sure if I could just grow my own I could fly beyond all that I know

Sometimes I think what I say isn't what I mean
But I don't know the difference
I've got such a messy head
And I'm too worried about how to clean it best
I spend hours plotting how I'll find the motivation to move
But there's always a disruption once I get my groove
I say I want my freedom but I don't know what that means
Is it really freedom if you don't even know how to be
And I act like I'm too good for anyone and that they all sicken me
But the truth to that is that without them I wouldn't want to breathe

Please don't try to stop me
I have to get away
Even though I like it here
I simply cannot stay
Even though I like you near
I don't want to leave
But I can't shake this fear
Its worse than you'd believe
I wish you could save me, my dear
But don't, let me disappear