Pain is getting old, nuisance slug
of toothpaste on a morning suit,
crest of daylight over dry eyes
at the first itch of addiction, processions
of commonplace panic begin
before the kettle comes to boil.
Pain ****** me like an alpha,
chained me to the kitchen sink. The brink
of insanity - messianic car-crashes, dead poets,
and cult leaders occupied our lives. Pain
lived inside, petroleum on fish-scale,
bone upon bone, a lie amongst lies.
Pain came to doctor the fairytale,
black-faced censorship, attention to detail
when forcing guilt under hysterical skies,
a cumulus jury, the persecution of 'I'.
Pain came to go over old grievances,
the people I knew, the friends that I missed.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:43 PM UTC
11:11
He wished for her to be okay,
Her head buried in his shoulder,
Shaking them both with sobs that
Bounced off the walls and screamed
That he was doing it all wrong.
11:11
He wished for everyone to be okay,
His inbox filled with letters that
Formed words that told the stories
Of how no one was really ever okay, and
How he was doing it all wrong.
11:11
He wished for her to come back,
His eyes burning with the regret of
Not telling her how much he'd miss her, the sharp
Wind on this cheek as he stared at her grave
Reminded him on how he had done it all wrong.
11:11
He wished that he'd be okay,
Sudden realization that wishes are
Only that, the hollow hope like
The gorges in his skin to remind him
How he did everything wrong.
11:11
He hoped there wasn't nothing
After leaving this world of fake
Wishes, and lay his head in his pool of blood
On the bathroom floor, one last slit across his throat,
And he wished he didn't get this wrong.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:36 PM UTC
It's right there
In a perfect little bow tie but my own desperate, clambering need to be the first to get there leaves me with nothing
All that's left now is the shredded remains..
Scraps -- from which no nourishment can be salvaged.
No morsel contained.
(It is in this moment I realise the terror that resides within myself)
Haunting my endeavours, creeping up and into my personal life...
Weaving it's sickness as a woven quilt to my very skin!
Exposed for all to see
Somehow mortally wounding.
My need for absolution is blinding in a frantic and overwhelming kind of way... I try to fight it but this weakness is unyielding in it's quiet persistent insistence
Like subliminal messages at times it stems seemingly from nowhere-- Polluting the hopes and dreams of those who love me
I feel that I am always improving. (Or at least trying to...)
Striving for a better life
But I feel faulted inside...
A mistake or flaw now too deeply buried to bring to cessation...
It's unresolved conflicts still taking toll on my personal affairs
Still feeding it's sickness back into me...
I feel weak but somehow complete
Lost but not yet alone...
And I think for just a moment before it passes that maybe things are not so fleeting?
But come the end of the day
I know
It must just be me...
Why wouldn't it be?
I ruin it for myself...
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:33 PM UTC
Shadow, shadow
Shadow of these monsters
Is this the true feeling of them?
Or can it just be an overflow of lies
Shadow, shadow
Shadow of these demons
I don't think I can see these anymore
I don't think I can believe
Shadow, shadow
Shadow of me
Is it true?
Am I the one who destroyed them?
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:26 PM UTC
I dont know what to do.
Ive been feeling oh so blue.
i dont know why i always want to cry.
sometimes i just want to die.
but i want to live, so badly, i want to live,
and have glorious kids, who grow up and give me grandkids.
but theres always this part of my mind
that says i don't deserve it.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:25 PM UTC
sadness on my tear stained cheeks
when?
when will I be good enough for myself
for anyone
it is all becoming so overbearing
i can't breathe
the sadness finds its way around my neck
makes the tug of a lifetime
i can't breathe
the depression suffocates me
until there is no more of it
happiness
fiction is all
i can't breathe
the happiness surfs on the ocean of insecurity
and diminishes in the waves
i can't breathe
happiness is like air
without it i can't go on
and suddenly i can't breathe
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:13 PM UTC