Without paper without pen
Isn't it my heart's voice then?
Feelings and crazy emotions
Lead me to Determinations
Jotting down funny thoughts
Compiling grumpy volumes
I love poetry
Dec 24, 2016
Dec 24, 2016 at 1:09 PM UTC
I see old friends going on with their lives.
Having kids, some party, others husbands and wives.
Here I sit, reminiscing, can't forget how far I've
Grown from everyone I've ever known.
Time, it slips from open fists.
My mark on the world, a dusty to-do list.
I stand on the edge of a growing distance,
.................................................................
Dec 24, 2016
Dec 24, 2016 at 1:06 PM UTC
I am sorry,
I am sorry that this is what my culture does,
And the world has the audacity to call it honor,
God gave honor I thought,
But it seems that only honor people see is in the eyes of others,
What religion do you study I ask,
Is it truly submission or is it some **********
How have societies throughout the world not advanced beyond this?
Dec 24, 2016
Dec 24, 2016 at 1:04 PM UTC
A sight more beautiful than that of any mountain-top,
a love of true purity, unadulterated by passion,
such joy a mother has with her child,
it seems to me a great mother is truly a blessing for any child.
Jul 11, 2016
Jul 11, 2016 at 9:59 AM UTC
I love you,
that should say enough but it does not,
for none will love you as I do,
from now till eternity,
for I was forever enslaved from first sight,
and shall be in the fiery depths of hell,
or the streams of heaven,
for you are to me to broken for anyone else to help,
for your tears cause me more pain than words can do justice,
for my love for you cannot be contained in all forms of expression,
from paint to prose,
music to movies,
none may stop this flood for it is beyond me,
it comes from the divine,
it just seems destiny,
for me to love you,
for a moment I see thou in tears,
it makes me bleed,
your father is of no solace to you,
for he is to great a fool to see the gem he beholds,
but you love him,
so I shall shine a light onto you so he may see,
for my love for you is to truly one I would die for,
the window is but a few steps away,
and if mine death makes you smile so it shall be,
if compassion is what you seek it shall be,
your wish is my command,
you to me are to great to be with one as lowly as I,
you are beyond any I can ever behold,
for this love cannot be seen in any a word said or written,
it to me is the string that keeps me alive,
if you wish to put me on a leash so you may smile so it shall be,
for your smile is worth more than any sum, answer or desire;
it is the only thing I know to be worth the concept never ending,
these words are not mine but that of a man I do not know,
for I am still but a boy and you a woman of great prowess,
I am but stuck upon you,
your image is which that keeps breath in mine lungs,
to help you is to have solved all mine worries,
please be mine for but a day,
or if that is to much give me one chance to prove my worth,
for my fear of not being with you is greater than that of all that man fears,
for a lion is what I shall wrestle,
or do any a thing to prove my love,
for you are marked by burning iron upon my heart,
you pervade my every thought
the reason I breathe,
for you are beyond any a woman I could ever know,
for even if god had not destined this I believe that mine love for you would still be the great flood from which Noah escaped,
my thoughts are clouded by nothing but you,
for even in prayer my thoughts turn to you,
from dawn till dusk when I do not consume a drop of sustenance,
the thought of you is what allows it to pass,
there are not enough words to describe how pulchritudinous thou is,
the words for beauty do not do you justice,
no word ever does. no word ever could,
I was a fool to think I should,
a fool to think I could,
the thought of you places a weight upon my chest,
you.
are the owner of mine soul before god takes it away,
you to me are great,
the only great,
in any and every way,
I cannot contain myself from you so god must,
to contain this is but sickening now,
so I must solve such a thing ,
I must have your love as you must your fathers,
if not more,
I know I do not deserve,
I never could,
I wish you to be mine,
for my love shall endure,
and I may even endure your marriage but never having you is eternal torture,
for I do not wish to be chained forever,
but I fear I will be,
without love,
it is a sickness and I now know why,
they said you will know when you love,
I think I now know,
if this is not what love is I fear I shall never know,
if I cannot have you there is no reason to live for not even heaven can be as great as the angel you are,
You deserve to be happy,
and I cannot but help you in that endeavor,
I cannot help but be sick with love for you;
I wish it would fade,
and I wonder. will it?
Or shall it be that my curse shall stalk me from right to left,
east to west,
I will try my best;
to be free
I hope it is enough but it may not let me see,
for my love for you blinds me.
as much as it binds me,
it veils my soul,
making itself believe if it had paid the toll.
You may have been kinder if you were crueler,
but you were neither cruel or kind,
only, a; torturous girl
just like every other I have known,
for you do not yet see the truth,
even when it is so close you may feel its breath,
the truth but hurts,
as it has but been slowly cooking me as if it were a fire.
It seems my destiny is to be burnt alive with the truth,
that will be mine end.
But I hope it is not,
for in this despairing time, there is only hope,
hope that these hard times will end,
for people care if only we look,
there are kind people on this pale blue dot as well as cruel,
it seems I may have finally found content after that last cruel twist of fate,
a twist for the better I hope,
but right I hope I am,
for whenever I hope, it seems to be wrong,
even still I hope,
but how hopeless is such,
hope that shall never refueled,
it is but the draught throat of a dying man.
It seems hope is but a small star in the blanket of the despairing sky,
and even then it may not shine,
dulled by the moon,
it is as hope is dulled by others joy,
so it wanders the night sky,
trying to find solitude so they may grow and become joy one day,
but to rare it is,
that such a thing may happen.
You had such a chance to do such a thing,
but alas I shall never reach the joy of the moon,
for you have but dimmed my star to but a dim gloomy dot,
that seems to be fading in and out of existence.
Jun 17, 2016
Jun 17, 2016 at 6:13 AM UTC
I seek you where in I live,
but to find you here is as hard as finding an exotic bird,
you allow true light to flourish,
you are our window to the stars,
our window to see ourselves as small under the majesty of the night sky.
It seems your natural domain is decreasing,
for man seems afraid of you,
though you ages ago,
were mans master,
humanitys' inspiration from our poetry to our myths.
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 4:23 PM UTC
You are inside me,
you are outside me,
you are me
you are, the stone upon which I trip,
the ground upon which I fall,
You are always with me,
no matter the time of day,
no matter the place.
It seems you are closer than the best of friends,
for you are the inspiration for the creative,
whether it be the heartache of Dante or the depression of Mark Twain.
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 4:18 PM UTC
I have given all I ever could,
I can give no more,
even mine life would not be enough,
mine possessions are worthless in this chase,
my words but hinder hers,
my thoughts cannot last but a moment without her,
my life has no meaning but her,
Her existence to mine heart is proof of the heavens,
Proof of angels,
and even proof of her,
she is a walking reminder that life is a test.
The test, infinitely cruel is to face than any is to resist her,
even when her scent is a trail of enchantment,
even when her face is so close to mine,
even when she uses me in manner to complex for this childish mind to understand.
I am but a fool in comparison with such an angelic life,
and it matters not that she smokes and drinks,
it matters not that she is entrenched in her insecurity,
it matters not that she turns to substance as if it were a solution to all meddlesome thoughts and reality,
she is still perfect in all her flaws,
in a manner no words or brushstrokes could ever do justice,
her perfection is in the smallest to greatest thing,
her actions always so infuriating with a sense of calm.
Even her slaps are but a gift,
her fights and anger so amusing,
her frustration creates a face more beautifully maddening than I may ever know,
Her madness she cannot accept,
no matter how her being is brimming with it,
her reasoning is not reason but madness.
It is as if she is a reflection of my lunacy,
a girl who so perfectly encapsulates what I desire,
it seems to be that god wishes me behold her,
so he could tell me I would never have her,
although I tell myself I cannot have her,
and if god is the true encapsulation of mercy I may even have her,
but I think not.
Her mind is sharp but not sharp enough,
for distractions are many and focus she does not have,
but that may be it her will or wish to succeed it is but second to the reality created within the enigma that is her mind , encrypted within its vault of freedom,
a vault which encapsulates her being,
her deepest desire and lust.
Jun 9, 2016
Jun 9, 2016 at 6:26 AM UTC
I have lost the sight of your yawns as they lengthen into sleep,
the smell of your skin when it is clean but free from cologne has lost me,
I have forgotten what it feels like to kiss you and see galaxies,
or feel bursts of energy, warmth and tragedy all at once, every time,
I have lost the rush in my bones reminding me that you were mine.
I tried to recreate the constellations your freckles used to make,
but I laid awake and could not see a single star.
That thought used to make me cower, even in my sleep,
and wither in my hollowed wake, but today I do not ache,
not even for you.
A point came where I could not feel at all but pain
But now I do not hurt at all.
This feeling is unfamiliar.
Foreign winds have replaced old currents that settled in one path too strong, and left me cold,
but they are now gone.
I had forgotten what it felt like to not be petrified of apathy,
to not be scared of forgetting the first night you took my body,
believe me, I thought I would never breathe the feeling of discovery again
after months of trying to replace the rushing feeling of breath on my skin,
But I tried tonight to recall details of those encounters,
the ones where you took my soul and I was not sure if I would get it back,
and I could not bring life to any of the memories I one time
feared would never die,
I have waited for this day and now I can finally say it.
healing from heartbreak
is more of a purge, a surge of emotions you cannot differentiate from real or fake as they take over your body,
and there I was, losing it all at once,
and I was left open on a stranger's bed, begging for a minute where
you did not fill my head,
appeasing to God for a day in which my heart did not bend at the thought of never experiencing a rushing heartbeat
without having to take off my clothes
again.
I was willing to give up anything for goosebumps on my skin,
anything to remind me that I was a human,
without you.
But I did it and I want you to know that,
I hope one day you see it because I finally truly feel it.
I do not love you anymore.
or miss you anymore,
I do not think of you when I think of love or *** or adventure anymore,
I do not see you when I picture late July days and sandy toes and sweaty palms from holding on too long,
my heart is free for the taking and I want you to know that,
though you will not care or look for me somehow,
I do not want you back anymore and I wish you could see me now,
Jun 9, 2016
Jun 9, 2016 at 5:06 AM UTC