mouth full of broken teeth
no wonder I don’t smile like I use to
I can’t feel you on me
and I’m dying for a reminder that you’re still here
I miss you
I stopped having nightmares a long time ago and now I’m just trying to remember what it was like to dream
my chest is heavy and I’m so sorry I couldn’t love you right
Please don’t leave
Nov 3, 2022
Nov 3, 2022 at 2:29 AM UTC
****** isn’t scary anymore
and neither are the withdrawals
I’m not afraid of anything except losing you
Nov 3, 2022
Nov 3, 2022 at 2:25 AM UTC
all of my friends hate me
well so I guess I wouldn’t really call them friends, huh?
and it’s fine
I think my wife hates me, too
that one caught me by surprise..
I guess I stopped checking for razor blades and forgot how tragic needles could get
I wish I could **** myself without feeling so guilty I puke
I wish my ex would die and my ex best friend stopped looking so ******* happy
I wish I didn’t hurt you and I wish my mom didn’t die and I wish I hadn’t hurt her either
wow I love you and this is so ****** up
I wish I didn’t believe you wanted me gone too..
throw a ******* pity party I guess
I only get to once a year
Feb 22, 2021
Feb 22, 2021 at 5:44 PM UTC
so much has changed since I met you
I live in a different house now, left the old one behind
but I still keep my mom's key tied around my neck, an apology for all the things I couldn't take with me
I haven't driven down my old street since my dad left
he still calls me sometimes but I wonder if I'll ever really see him again
or my brother
I bought a new car, a Honda, go figure
and it almost feels like the last trip I took with my mom when I drive it
West Virginia, and how I thought we'd still be driving for days
and of course there's Her
I wore a pink cactus shirt when I married her
stayed in our home town for our honeymoon
so much has changed since I met you
and I miss handfuls of last year
and being a kid, coming home to my mom in our old house
but I'm happy here
I'm happy now
Jul 11, 2020
Jul 11, 2020 at 12:38 PM UTC
I'm scared
almost all of the time of almost everything
I haven't felt at peace since a lot of things went down
and I'm still learning to live through that
I wouldn't write about it if it didn't still hurt
relapsing after being clean for any period of time is trying
and almost all the time I take it too far
being in the city scares me
I am terrified of running into old ghosts
and being with you scares me too
because I am convinced good things are not meant to be
but I'll be ****** if I give up just because it's scary
Jun 8, 2020
Jun 8, 2020 at 3:52 AM UTC
I’m going to marry this girl one day, and here’s why
she has shown me that she’s not willing to back down from a fight
when things get tough she gets tougher and we deal
she pays attention to small details and works to show me every day that she thinks about me constantly and that this will never only be one sided
when I told her I was an addict she applauded my good days and she stood by me in my bad
and when I told her I was scared I’d relapse again she bought Narcan and stayed up to measure my breathing
I have never for a second had to doubt whether or not she would be there because she always is
And I will spend the rest of my life trying to show her that her love was not in vain
May 29, 2020
May 29, 2020 at 3:28 AM UTC
I am too critical about the smallest things
it’s not hard to set my blood to boil
but I’m a short burst before I’ve forgotten where the anger came from
My girlfriend is the most gentle human I have ever met
she never wants to agree on little things, like how to spend the afternoon because she always wants to do something better (together) she loves quality time that includes physical affection and I’m probably The most hands off lover she could have picked
But I’m tryin to get better about it for her
She’s all early mornings and Extravagant dates
She and I are total opposites in more than one way
But she is the most incredible person I have ever known and I wouldn’t change a **** thing about her if I could
May 29, 2020
May 29, 2020 at 3:20 AM UTC
I am most comfortable acting reckless
it is hard to seem so put together when I’m spinning out of control
But I like the way it feels losing sleep thinking of you
we bought a bigger mattress and you still take up 3/4 of the bed
And I don’t mind for a second making space for you
You are the only person that has ever made me feel safe stepping into unknown
you are the only one who has ever stayed
thank you. I love you, too.
May 29, 2020
May 29, 2020 at 3:07 AM UTC
my dad laughs as he swears I learned whole sonnets in the way my mother spoke before I ever let a single word drip from off my tongue
knew all about her kind of crazy before I ever knew exactly what that would mean for us
the days she wouldn’t leave her bed
except to crawl desperately to cool tile
hold her own hair back and wonder again when it would all be worth it
the last time I saw her alive she wasn’t a quarter of the person she used to be
and I’d sit up for days wondering again what I had to do to make it worth it
watching her rot away inside of her own skin
my sister thinks I’m heartless
that I can throw away all of the pieces parts she left behind
but I cannot bare to choke on these words any longer
I hate the way I sound so much like her
staring at a ghost every time I look in the mirror
I am haunted by all the things I did not do for her
all the ways I let her down and left her to die alone
and I sit here for hours and wonder again when the pain will be worth it
Apr 30, 2020
Apr 30, 2020 at 11:17 AM UTC
I’m addicted to feeling numb
and my ex is right what they say about me, I’m so sorry for the girl lying here beside me
time didn’t make it easier and I think I’m still sick, I think I’m getting sicker
I didn’t mean to hurt her, I don’t want anyone to have to hurt like this
if you ignore hunger pains long enough, you stop feeling them
I just want to stop feeling this
Apr 14, 2020
Apr 14, 2020 at 1:39 AM UTC