my dad laughs as he swears I learned whole sonnets in the way my mother spoke before I ever let a single word drip from off my tongue
knew all about her kind of crazy before I ever knew exactly what that would mean for us
the days she wouldn’t leave her bed
except to crawl desperately to cool tile
hold her own hair back and wonder again when it would all be worth it
the last time I saw her alive she wasn’t a quarter of the person she used to be
and I’d sit up for days wondering again what I had to do to make it worth it
watching her rot away inside of her own skin
my sister thinks I’m heartless
that I can throw away all of the pieces parts she left behind
but I cannot bare to choke on these words any longer
I hate the way I sound so much like her
staring at a ghost every time I look in the mirror
I am haunted by all the things I did not do for her
all the ways I let her down and left her to die alone
and I sit here for hours and wonder again when the pain will be worth it
Apr 30, 2020
Apr 30, 2020 at 11:17 AM UTC
my dad laughs as he swears I learned whole sonnets in the way my mother spoke before I ever let a single word drip from off my tongue
knew all about her kind of crazy before I ever knew exactly what that would mean for us
the days she wouldn’t leave her bed
except to crawl desperately to cool tile
hold her own hair back and wonder again when it would all be worth it
the last time I saw her alive she wasn’t a quarter of the person she used to be
and I’d sit up for days wondering again what I had to do to make it worth it
watching her rot away inside of her own skin
my sister thinks I’m heartless
that I can throw away all of the pieces parts she left behind
but I cannot bare to choke on these words any longer
I hate the way I sound so much like her
staring at a ghost every time I look in the mirror
I am haunted by all the things I did not do for her
all the ways I let her down and left her to die alone
and I sit here for hours and wonder again when the pain will be worth it
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